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Ok, last fall I was doing ok. I was mainly concerned about getting my next gabapentin fix. 

 

I told tge docs my abuse trying to relieve my conscience. I was struggling very badly. 

 

In October of last year I bought a RC. If was a powerful benzo. I used it until my gf told me to throw it away. 

 

I had had blacked out and took a heavy dose of norco. 

 

When it wore off off a couple days after I was watching some testimonies of dying and going to heaven. 

 

I started to think i was actually dead. Standing before God. I would get on my knees and then think I was going to hell but nothing happened. After a couple days I felt like something was telling me to flush my meds. So I did. When I wasn’t on anything I started to get very delusional. Instead of being pumped with fear I thought I had died and this was heaven. I finally went into the psych ward and got back on Zyprexa. About a month I started to realize I wasn’t dead but not fully out of the episode. 

 

 

Today here I am thinking that Jesus is secretly gathering His elect and going to rapture all His. 

 

 

Im terrified of being left behind. I don’t hear messages from the TV but when I stop to hear what it says whatever word I hear I try to apply it to whatever I’m going thru. 

 

 

Im religiously reading the Bible, mostly the end times stuff. I feel so bad when I sin. 

 

 

I dont don’t know if the RC benzo triggered a psychosis but at the same time I cold turkeyed Kratom so that maybe the reason I stayed up for three weeks. 

 

 

 

I hops folks i didnt didn’t fry my brain completely. 

 

 

Isont hear voices outside ur side my head. I only hear my own conscience. That inner voice we all have. I’ll talk to myself believing it’s God and tell myself I’m fine and I’m on Earth. I don’t know folks. When I first gave my life to Jesus I was in the middle of being psychotic. I never went in for the help I needed so I let it drag on for awhile. 

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