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my mother


tallulah

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Tal,

Sounds perfectly natural to me.

Your mother is scared and is avoiding getting bad news by not going to the appointment. Natural human behavior based on emotion.

Logic, and a bit of emotional detachment allows you to know that she needs to contact the doctor for results.  Again, logical human behavior.

You can only get so angry at her for being scared.  Of course you don't want to let that anger eat you up, or boil over so that your mother becomes angry with you.

On the other hand, it isn't strictly necessary for her to get initial test results in the office.  The doctor will call with the results and if he really needs to see her will make another appointment.

Hang in there.  You are going to be in for a bit of a roller coaster ride for a while.

A.M.

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tal,

My mom is the same way.  She has some sort of knee problem and chronic bronchitis or something, but she absolutely refuses to see the doctor.  Nothing us kids or my dad can say has convinced her to go.

A couple years ago, she found a lump in her breast and she didn't even TELL any of us until she found out that it wasn't cancerous.

I don't have any good advice, just some commiseration.

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like becca, i wish i had something profound to say, but all i can really do is commiserate... my mom KNOWS that she needs foot surgery, but she has put off going under the knife for *years.*  I can understand some of it, though, because her first foot surgery (right before she became pregnant with me) resulted in a horrible blood clot and one hell of a pregnancy.  after that, i didnt know that she was going to get brain surgery for a more-likely-than-not fatal brain aneurysm until two days before it happened.... and it wasnt like i was really too young to understand... i was 13.  now, except for her yearly appointments to make sure the metal clips in her brain are still all good, she isnt too keen on doing anything else... even when it is really needed.

....and, speaking of being a workoholic, after having massive brain surgery (which it was a miracle she lived through, let alone with only a *little* bit of cognitive issues, mostly caused from the aneurysm leaking), she just HAD to start going in for half days TWO WEEKS after.... sheeeesh....

i guess, though, that if you avoid something (like not hearing the results for example), in a way, they arent real.  once they are said and out in the open.... that's when you have to deal with it....

<3

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Another comisserate-or here (is that a word?) I think it's perfectly natural to feel the way you do. Maybe it's selfish of us to want them to get the help they KNOW they need, but it seems selfish of them to put it off or ignore it, like they don't understand that it affects anyone other than themselves...when of course it does, because we care.

I don't have any helpful advice, I guess I still have a lot of unresolved anger on this subject.  :embarassed: I agree with everybody else, though- it is putting off the inevitable, somehow pretending it isn't happening and nothing is REALLY wrong, whereas going to the dr. would set everything in stone and force the reality to be dealt with, even it's unpleasant or frightening. It's understandable just completely frustrating!

~Faith

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