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I’ve never been this low

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Guys I don’t know what’s happening to me. To everyone voice changing to not being able to see any hope in life. 


Ive never got to the point where I think about death but I’m in a place of fantizing about suicide. 



I look back at all that happened to me. My anxiety is so bad that I have this unrelenting depression. 



I keep laying in bed in bed thinking about death. Even as a Christian I don’t care. I’ve ran into too many doctors who only care about their license over the patient. I think even if I was given a benzo I wouldn’t care. My depression is so bad I see no hope in anything.

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Are you going to therapy at this moment? Yes, finding a good therapist that adapts to your needs can be overwhelming and tiring, but when you find the right one for you the patience pays off.

Maybe try going outside for a walk even if you don't feel like it. When we're depressed we have to force ourselves to take small steps for us to not get stuck in bed all day. It takes a lot, but once you start it gets easier.

I've also found that meditating helps a freaking lot. You don't even have to get out of bed for this one for the days where it seems impossible (the app says you have to be seating but I've also done it laying down on my bed when I have a looot of anxiety and it still helps so much). I meditate with an app, it's called "One Giant Mind". You have a 12 step course to learn to meditate, and seriously, they make it sooo easy. You don't have to do it everyday, just when you feel like it, I started doing it in august and by the second week I was doing it at least once or twice a week. It helps me rest as much as sleep, and it picks me up from the lowest points of depression.

Another thing that's really helpful is stretching. Just 5 minutes and you'll notice the difference. It's really easy, you can do it at your own pace.

I hope this helps and you're able to feel better soon. 

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