Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org
Sign in to follow this  
Evenstar

My Spouse is Married to Their Mother (Covert Incest)

Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

I've disappeared from this site for quite a while and I hope I am still welcome to seek support. 

Has anyone here heard of the term emotional incest/ covert incest? Not many people are familiar with it because on the outside, it looks NORMAL, but is not. And the only person really affected by it is the spouse of someone who is involved in it. 

For those who don't know, it is when a child, usually the eldest, becomes a surrogate spouse for their mother. This usually happens when parents are separated and the mother relies on the child for emotional, often financial support. They become close, to a point of "too close" that boundaries disappear hence, it is also called "enmeshment". There are a number of articles that talk about it online but none that offers real solutions except for the child who is mother-enmeshed.

Being a spouse of a mother-enmeshed person is hard because people don't see what's wrong with it. My spouse (we are same-sex couple) is really close to her mother but from the very beginning, there have been things that bother me but I couldn't put a finger on it because I've never heard of it and her situation is something that is very common and deemed normal in the country that we came from (Philippines). Her parents separated when she was young and since then, she's become her mom's best friend, confiding with her and seeking her financial support when she finally had work. My spouse saw how her mother suffered so I understand how she feels responsible for her and to be the one to stand in for her father to make sure she is happy, well-provided for. But as an adult, I think she deserves to find happiness for herself but she puts her mom above all and that's where it becomes complicated for our relationship. 

When we started dating, she took me to dinner with her mom in order to show me that she gives money to her. She handed the money in front of me while we were at the table. I thought, that's sweet and didn't think much of it. I also give money to my mom because the Philippines is a third-world country and it's really hard to get by on your own. But as things progressed, I began to see things that disturb me up to now. For one, she tells her mom EVERYTHING -- I mean everything, details of her relationships, exactly how much her salary is, access to her financial accounts (her mom holds one of her ATM cards), how much bonus she is going to get for Christmas and how much of it, what percentage of it is going to her mom (always more than what my spouse would put aside for herself). And -- a key to her apartment. When we moved in together, her mom would often come by because her office is nearby (which is why my spouse chose that apartment). My spouse would walk around NAKED in front of her and it's deemed normal. I didn't feel comfortable about this because I thought that as an adult, you shouldn't let your parents see you naked even if they've already seen that when you were little - which is her justification. Needless to say, I learned that I have no say about these things. I began to suspect that her mom is manipulating her but in very subtle ways that no one would believe me. My spouse often said things like -- she and her education is her mother's investment and her mother deserves to be repaid now that she is earning money. She owes her her success and it's only right that she gets her money. This is a Filipino concept and one that is hard to argue about but it doesn't make it right. 

One more thing I should mention is a really weird thing about their relationship. In high school, my spouse's ex cheated on her WITH HER MOM. Her mom then turned to be gay. Then, they stayed together up to now. I find it disturbing that my spouse does not put any responsibility of this incident to her mom AT ALL. She even said that it's her ex who was a snake and her mom was just manipulated into it. Obviously, that's not true because they're still together now. After all that, my spouse chose to ignore everything and continues to regard her mom as a saint, someone who could never do anything bad on purpose. 

Our relationship is one big mess which I recognize is a whole other thing. Before we got married, she had been emotionally cheating on me with the girl she pursued before me. I later found out that she never got over her. We broke up many times but she kept getting back with me, saying that it meant nothing but eventually admitted she still has feelings for her. To prove she chooses me, she proposed to me. Here's the catch -- she had to to say a disclaimer to her mom that she will marry me but she will continue to give her money. I know this doesn't sound troubling but to me, it sounds like she had to ask permission to her mom, that she is assuring her that she will always come first before me and that's where I found myself years later. In articles talking about emotional incest, it is said that the mother-enmeshed person usually becomes inclined to cheat on their partners. So I felt it was worth mentioning.

When we moved in and had to sort out finances together, she would often compare our expenses to that of her mom's. I grew up in a slightly more privileged environment so I was used to eating slightly more expensive food and having more convenience. I was the one who cooked and planned meals and she would often tell me that her mother only spent 500 pesos which would last them a week, why should I spend 2,000 on groceries? If her family could get by on 500 pesos, so should we. I understand that this is coming from someone who grew up in a poor family compared to me. But to hear those things hurt me because I am being compared to her mom and am expected to be the same way.

When we moved to a different apartment, she told me that one of her reasons for it is so that her mom could stay there sometimes, enjoy our air-conditioning and eat our food. She also chose the place because there is a swimming pool and her plan was to bring her family there so she could play with her nephew, etc. This is when my own issues add to the complications. I am naturally jealous and I also have my own baggage, growing up as a middle child -- carrying issues of insecurity and abandonment as an adult. Not all of our issues are necessarily because of the emotional incest but because of how her situation made me feel, I felt less and less secure and taken for granted. 

When she gave me an expensive tablet as a gift for my birthday, she told not to tell anyone because she hasn't given money to her mom yet. My feelings about this seem really petty -- but I felt again, second best. Why should she feel guilty about giving things and spending for me? Always, she had her mom's feelings in consideration, a bit too much I think, and her feelings always comes before mine. And this continues to happen now. If she gives her mom a gift worth $50 -- and she explicitly said this -- I should not get a gift worth more than that.

Three years ago, she got offered a position in the US which is why she moved here. I didn't want her to take the scholarship because we had plans on going to Europe. But her mom pushed her to go to the US because her mom also plans to migrate here. She wanted my spouse to go to the US so that they can live together. At the time, our relationship was rocky so she again chose her mom. We patched things up a little and she asked me to come here which I did and in order for me to stay here, we had to get married. 

Our marriage is another painful situation. She told me she didn't really want to marry me but she wanted me to stay here so she did it anyway. At this point, I know that you're thinking I shouldn't be in this relationship anymore. And I agree. I stayed... for reasons. Obviously I love her and I know she loves me but now that I've learned about emotional incest, I realize she will never really commit to me and that it is very unlikely, almost impossible that things would change. 

The biggest trigger came on our first wedding anniversary. Again this sounds petty but doesn't make it hurt any less. She was thinking of posting an anniversary message for me on social media (something I found to be really harmful, I've learned my lesson). I told her, though jokingly because it's so cliche anyway, to say that this is for "the most important woman in my life". I wouldn't mind if she didn't say it but her reaction is what really scarred me. She told me that I am NOT the most important woman in her life because her mom is also very important to her. She then took a step back and tried to tell me that we are in "EQUAL" status, but I realize now that is not true and she will always come first. I thought about leaving then. We went to one counseling session but she reacted violently. I should note that she's been verbally and emotionally abusive to me. She would bang things, bang the door, throw furniture around the house many times, she told me to get out and go back to the Philippines. Once, she took my clothes from the closet, put them in my luggage and told me to get out. When I do, she would apologize and the last time this happened, I thought it was sincere so I decided to stay -- Again! Part of it may be unintentional because we both suspect she is in the autism spectrum but according to the emotional incest readings, the enmeshment also makes them have a tendency to be detached and abusive. 

We decided to stay together, once again. I've had friends leave me because I wouldn't break it off with her. Now, I'm beginning to think that they are right. We both have bipolar disorder 2 and these crazy things about us is what made us drawn to each other. But this emotional incest issue is something I do not think I can handle even though I've already been dealing with it for years. I just feel so invisible, so unimportant and I already have deep issues of abandonment from past experience. 

I do not think that counseling would help because she does not respond positively to people pointing out her flaws. I also learned that mother-enmeshed people do not really see anything wrong with their situation and from what I observed, she will never admit that there's an issue with her relationship with her mom and that it's affecting me. And if it's affecting me, then I'm the one who has a problem. 

I came here to seek support because I cannot find any elsewhere, hoping that someone might have read or experienced these same issues. There is a book called When He's Married to Mom, it's $13 on Amazon Kindle but based on the previews and table of contents, there is not much about what to do for the spouses. It just explains what it is. If anyone here has some experience on this and could tell me something that might help if at all. I think I am just in denial of the obvious answer and that is that this is a dead end and the only way for me to go from here is out. But if there is hope, I'd like to know before I leave.

Edited by Evenstar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't say I have experience to the degree you do with this kind of parental boundary issue, but my husband's mother and his family in general were a big issue in our relationship for a long time. Honestly, the fact that my mother-in-law is dead now is the main reason it's not currently an issue. She had MI and was an alcoholic and had been a single mother, so husband and his older brother kind of designated themselves her caretaker, and got really wrapped up in her stuff, no matter how crazy and dysfunctional it was. There was definitely a long time when it was clear that he would drop everything in our lives, including me and our kids, to tend to her needs and whims. I had surgery once, and it happened to be on the same day she had surgery in a different hospital. Mine was outpatient, but my blood pressure kept tanking and I was in a lot of pain and they were talking about letting me stay, and he was a complete asshole to me, because he wasn't at all worried about me, but just wanted to go see his mother in the hospital. And, just a lot of boundary issues with his family in general and deprioritizing me and my kids to go deal with their chaos. It was very stressful, and caused a lot of tension in our marriage, and lots of resentment on my part. So I can see why you're upset when you don't even have space to yourself, and it sounds like there are no boundaries whatsoever in their relationship.  I'm not sure what things would be like for us if she were still alive, as she's been dead for about 8 or 9 years. I demanded that he start imposing boundaries on his family, and gradually he started doing it, though the most helpful thing was that the brother he was always rushing to help moved across the country. What you're dealing with sounds beyond the pale. We don't have the same cultural context of having had the expectation of providing financially for his mother, but I imagine that's really stressful. It's possible that things can get better as they did with us, but your spouse has to be able to recognize that there's a problem with what she's doing, and it doesn't sound like she does see it as a problem. I think you can still prioritize your family of origin if you're married, but I don't think it's workable in a marriage if they are the first priority all the time, barring some temporary devastating terminal illness or something like that. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jeeeez. I mean, the relationship between your spouse and her mother sounds so unhealthy. I'm not saying it to be judgey (sorry if it comes off that way) but good grief. 

Do you have access to any LGBT+ specific resources for abusive relationships? I know (believe me) how easy it is to convince yourself that it's not such a big deal or that you can handle it or that the good outweighs the bad, but truly your spouse just doesn't sound like she wants a healthy relationship. It sucks for her, because her mum sounds evil- no healthy parent-child relationship ends up this way. But I really hope you realise that you can have healthy relationships, where your partner prioritises you and doesn't tell you that they are indifferent to your marriage.

You sound like someone who is trying the best for your spouse, but truly you cannot help someone that is 1) not asking for help and 2) has no intention to change. I know that if marriage counsellors/therapists see a relationship that they are concerned about, they offer to do individual therapy before couples therapy. Maybe it would be a good way to ask a professional (which I am certainly not) how to cope with this. Her problems are not yours to fix (again, sorry if this sounds judgemental, I just mean that you deserve better IMO)

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, ananke said:

Jeeeez. I mean, the relationship between your spouse and her mother sounds so unhealthy. I'm not saying it to be judgey (sorry if it comes off that way) but good grief. 

Do you have access to any LGBT+ specific resources for abusive relationships? I know (believe me) how easy it is to convince yourself that it's not such a big deal or that you can handle it or that the good outweighs the bad, but truly your spouse just doesn't sound like she wants a healthy relationship. It sucks for her, because her mum sounds evil- no healthy parent-child relationship ends up this way. But I really hope you realise that you can have healthy relationships, where your partner prioritises you and doesn't tell you that they are indifferent to your marriage.

You sound like someone who is trying the best for your spouse, but truly you cannot help someone that is 1) not asking for help and 2) has no intention to change. I know that if marriage counsellors/therapists see a relationship that they are concerned about, they offer to do individual therapy before couples therapy. Maybe it would be a good way to ask a professional (which I am certainly not) how to cope with this. Her problems are not yours to fix (again, sorry if this sounds judgemental, I just mean that you deserve better IMO)

Hi, don’t be sorry. You are seeing it for what it is which is hard for other people to understand. Though I was worried that I’d paint her mom as “evil” because some of this may not have been done consciously. Oh what am I saying, yes I do. I do feel that her mom is smart enough to really try to manipulate her. The problem is she does is so subtly that my spouse will never believe me. She would never say a bad thing about me for one. 

Now that her mom is back in the Philippines and she is kept at a distance, things have not been as intense. But her influence is not less hurtful. We are currently set to go to Europe next year so we are setting money aside for my expenses going there. She is assigned there for less than a year. I am not allowed to work here so I’m relying on my writing gigs so I am hoping she would help me with my airfare, etc (I’m her wife after all goodness!) But as usual, she doesn’t feel 100% willing to spend that much money on me and though she doesn’t tell me now, I know that she wishes she could just give that money to her mom instead. 

Therapy/ counseling would be tough. Because based on our one time experience, she really can’t take it when she feels she is being told she’s wrong no matter how constructive the phrasing is — this is already a counselor talking and she doesn’t want to go back to her. This counselor is the pastor who married us who is a supporter of lgbt rights. She is free. Getting a professional therapist is not an option cause we can’t adford it. 

So I’m really hoping someone could share resources or even books that might help me. 

My problem is I don’t think she will consider even discussing it. Every time I express my feelings about her mom issues, she gets really defensive and accuse me of just hating her and not understanding their relationship. I didn’t use to but now so much resentment has built up because of repeated incidents. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ach, sorry I have some stuff for LGBT+ abusive relationships but not covert incest. I completely get that you can't just walk away from a marriage, but your spouse does not sound like she is ready to change at all. I think you could be an expert in covert incest and your spouse still wouldn't want to listen.

This sounds like such a rough situation to be in. Do you want these resources for you as the partner of someone in this kind of relationship, or do you want resources for your spouse? Sorry to be repetitive but even if your spouse wasn't in this covertly incestuous relationship with her mother, she has not shown you the kind of respect I think you deserve. 

People who respect you and want a healthy relationship don't cheat on you, or ignore you when you raise concerns, or throw furniture around, or base all their financial decisions around their mother as opposed to you their spouse. 

12 hours ago, Evenstar said:

I felt less and less secure and taken for granted. 

You should not feel like this. I know you've tried mentioning her issues with her mother before, but do you feel like you can tell her this kind of stuff?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, ananke said:

Ach, sorry I have some stuff for LGBT+ abusive relationships but not covert incest. I completely get that you can't just walk away from a marriage, but your spouse does not sound like she is ready to change at all. I think you could be an expert in covert incest and your spouse still wouldn't want to listen.

This sounds like such a rough situation to be in. Do you want these resources for you as the partner of someone in this kind of relationship, or do you want resources for your spouse? Sorry to be repetitive but even if your spouse wasn't in this covertly incestuous relationship with her mother, she has not shown you the kind of respect I think you deserve. 

People who respect you and want a healthy relationship don't cheat on you, or ignore you when you raise concerns, or throw furniture around, or base all their financial decisions around their mother as opposed to you their spouse. 

You should not feel like this. I know you've tried mentioning her issues with her mother before, but do you feel like you can tell her this kind of stuff?

The resources are for me, for now. Because you’re right, she’s not ready to deal with this herself right now. She’s about to do her prelim for her PhD and I know that’s not an excuse for her not to deal with our marriage but I also know she’s just going to tell me “I don’t need this right now”.  

And no, I know I cannot tell her any of this stuff. Anything concerning her mother. It’s just not possible. I’ve tried. I’ve done all the therapy-talk where you don’t attact or blame or criticize and just come from where you feel. I’ve been very careful, inserting positive comments about her mom and how I care about her too. But no matter how I phrase it or which words I use, she will still be defensive of her. In her mind, I’m the one taking away from her mom because she has to support me in a way since it’s not legal for spouses of students to work here. And I think she’s quite resentful of that fact. Because she came here in order to earn money intended for her mom. I thought when we got married that would change but I can see now that it didn’t and maybe never will. 

I feel so stupid saying all these things now “out loud”. Like I should’ve seen this coming a long time ago. I feel so bad. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You aren't stupid, it's a really difficult situation. I'm just going to continue saying you deserve better, because you do. If you ask for respect and she can't give it to you or won't listen, she's not going to prioritise your relationship over the one with her mother. 

It sucks that you can't work because it puts you in a position of dependence. Can't blame your spouse for that, such a frustrating legal thing though. 

I don't know, I worry that resources aimed for the spouse of a person in a covertly incestuous relationship would still make you the one who's responsible for your spouses actions. And you shouldn't be. It's a credit to you that you want to help or educate yourself or have tried talking to her about it in the past, but you are not responsible for your spouses abusive relationship with her mother. IDK, I'm trying to channel my tdocs voice. You can only be accountable for yourself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Unstrung Harp said:

I wouldn't say I have experience to the degree you do with this kind of parental boundary issue, but my husband's mother and his family in general were a big issue in our relationship for a long time. Honestly, the fact that my mother-in-law is dead now is the main reason it's not currently an issue. She had MI and was an alcoholic and had been a single mother, so husband and his older brother kind of designated themselves her caretaker, and got really wrapped up in her stuff, no matter how crazy and dysfunctional it was. There was definitely a long time when it was clear that he would drop everything in our lives, including me and our kids, to tend to her needs and whims. I had surgery once, and it happened to be on the same day she had surgery in a different hospital. Mine was outpatient, but my blood pressure kept tanking and I was in a lot of pain and they were talking about letting me stay, and he was a complete asshole to me, because he wasn't at all worried about me, but just wanted to go see his mother in the hospital. And, just a lot of boundary issues with his family in general and deprioritizing me and my kids to go deal with their chaos. It was very stressful, and caused a lot of tension in our marriage, and lots of resentment on my part. So I can see why you're upset when you don't even have space to yourself, and it sounds like there are no boundaries whatsoever in their relationship.  I'm not sure what things would be like for us if she were still alive, as she's been dead for about 8 or 9 years. I demanded that he start imposing boundaries on his family, and gradually he started doing it, though the most helpful thing was that the brother he was always rushing to help moved across the country. What you're dealing with sounds beyond the pale. We don't have the same cultural context of having had the expectation of providing financially for his mother, but I imagine that's really stressful. It's possible that things can get better as they did with us, but your spouse has to be able to recognize that there's a problem with what she's doing, and it doesn't sound like she does see it as a problem. I think you can still prioritize your family of origin if you're married, but I don't think it's workable in a marriage if they are the first priority all the time, barring some temporary devastating terminal illness or something like that. 

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can totally relate. I'm glad things are looking better compared to when she was around. 

I'm afraid things wouldn't change too much even if my spouse's mom would pass away. I know it's wrong but sometimes I find myself wishing that but then again, I know that my spouse would just put her on a pedestal and will continue to worship her. 

I really don't want to sound like a bitch here saying all these things. But I can't talk to her about it so it's just really been difficult and I need to let this out somehow. So, really thank you for responding. This shit can make you feel so alone and lonely.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Evenstar said:

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can totally relate. I'm glad things are looking better compared to when she was around. 

I'm afraid things wouldn't change too much even if my spouse's mom would pass away. I know it's wrong but sometimes I find myself wishing that but then again, I know that my spouse would just put her on a pedestal and will continue to worship her. 

I really don't want to sound like a bitch here saying all these things. But I can't talk to her about it so it's just really been difficult and I need to let this out somehow. So, really thank you for responding. This shit can make you feel so alone and lonely.

You shouldn't feel sorry for having feelings, and it doesn't sound like your spouse has been taking your feelings into account in a lot of ways. Keeping venting here and seeking support if it helps you. You're in a stressful, invalidating situation. Not to mention the stress on both partners when one person is in a PhD program, which is a pressure cooker. Sometimes writing things out helps me to know how I'm feeling about things so I can figure out what to do about them. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/26/2019 at 1:34 PM, ananke said:

You aren't stupid, it's a really difficult situation. I'm just going to continue saying you deserve better, because you do. If you ask for respect and she can't give it to you or won't listen, she's not going to prioritise your relationship over the one with her mother. 

It sucks that you can't work because it puts you in a position of dependence. Can't blame your spouse for that, such a frustrating legal thing though. 

I don't know, I worry that resources aimed for the spouse of a person in a covertly incestuous relationship would still make you the one who's responsible for your spouses actions. And you shouldn't be. It's a credit to you that you want to help or educate yourself or have tried talking to her about it in the past, but you are not responsible for your spouses abusive relationship with her mother. IDK, I'm trying to channel my tdocs voice. You can only be accountable for yourself.

You are right -- about me not being responsible for her actions. A lot went down in the past few days after this post. Half of it is pleasant, giving me hope once again, and the other half, not so much. 

For so long, I've wanted to help her. I thought I could help her. The last time I decided to leave, with my bags packed and a friend ready to pay for my fair going back to my country, she seemed really sincere that she will work on her behavior, with my help. I think she may even be "sincere". Unfortunately, it didn't hold up. She rarely went to her psychiatrist, given that it is really hard to schedule one with doctors who don't charge very high fees, but she still could've made more effort to see him. But as time went by, I realized she didn't really want to or want it that much. 

I am right now at the turning point. I WANT TO LEAVE. I recognize my relationship is abusive and it is likely not going to change. But things are a little complicated and I'm going to need a very good plan and help from others.

In the past few days when things were "okay", we decided to get a hamster. In retrospect, I now see it as an impulse buy but we've been talking about having a pet for a while and when I saw Mr. Butters, I fell in love with him and we decided to take him home. I've taken care of a hamster before and have a friend who knows a lot about how to care for them so I know more than her. But she wouldn't listen to me and kept downplaying my input, telling me I'm wrong. Just the day after we took him home, she insisted on making drastic changes on his cage, wouldn't put him back when it was time to go back. The poor thing was so stressed and scared. And when I saw him there, shaking in fear wondering what he did wrong to deserve such a treatment, I saw MYSELF. That must have been how I looked each time she told me I'm stupid, I'm a bitch, I'm fat, each time she yelled at me, throw things around me. 

It's strange... that such a very small animal can remind you that you deserve love and respect, no matter how small and fragile you think you are or have been made to believe. In the past, she even told me that she was worried that if I left her, I would be in danger of killing myself because she claims I am more mentally stable with her around. I've been reading all morning about domestic violence and abuse and it still surprised me how much this has been happening all along, how deep I am into it now even though I'm one of those people who had said in the past with certainty that "I will never stay in an abusive relationship". Yet here I am. 

Last night, when she wouldn't listen to me about not over feeding him treats, she made another threat. She said that if I do that to her again, she would stop caring for "that thing" (that's what she referred to Mr. Butters at that moment), that she will not pay for anything. Then she threw the broccoli into his cage knowing that sudden movements would startle the poor thing. She threw her blanket almost hitting the cage and walked out. I was so afraid she would start banging things again though she didn't. I am so afraid that she will hurt my pet, honestly. I don't trust her at all. Later that night, when we were in a calmer situation, she blamed me even though subtly, once again for her behavior. 

The last thing I will mention is our first and last visit with a counselor, the pastor who married us. I remember her distinct words. She said to the pastor: "SHE MAKES ME A BAD PERSON". And when the Cathy, the pastor, pointed out that she can only be responsible for her actions, she started crying and diverting the conversation to how I am hurting her. After that, she lashed out violently when we got home and told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore, again! She was so pissed that the pastor didn't agree with her about me making her a bad person that she never wants to see her again. And so ended our hope in counseling. 

I am so overwhelmed right now, thinking about how I can leave. Asking friends to help pay for my airfare and taking my pet with me for fear that she might kill him. What started out as my desire to understand her dysfunctional relationship with her mother has led me to the realization of the state I am in, the danger I am in. I am typing this while my insides are shaking just thinking about how she might yell at me again and call me stupid and call me names. I am AFRAID. I just recognize that now. But the way out is so uncertain and difficult and I'm really scared of how things might turn out. Though she never assaulted me physically, at least not like in obviously abusive relationships, I'm now beginning to have real fears that she will soon hurt me or my new pet to hurt me. There were times when she would "playfully" slap me in the arms but hard enough to hurt me or throw things at me, light ones. But I'm scared shit might soon get real. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, the turning point from 'maybe I can help this person' to 'I desperately need help getting away from them' can feel like falling off a cliff. I hope you are able to get out quickly and safely. My ex tried a lot of foot-in-the-door techniques to get me to start talking to them again. Stuff like 'we need to talk' or other vagueisms that were really just an opportunity to get me back in contact. If you do manage to get away and have to contact her to sort out legal or practical stuff, I strongly recommend having a third party present (preferably a lawyer or a mediator, but since she controls the money in your relationship that might be difficult).

Would friends or family be able to take you in? I'm glad there are people who want to help you. Please update us or just let us know that you are ok.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a friend who really needed help because she had a drug problem, so bad in fact she lost custody of her kids, and is now in prison. She's only 25 years old. That being said, I realized you cannot help people who do not want to be helped and that after awhile it gets very exhausting. It sounds like your spouse is currently in the position. This whole thing sounds like a big mess I personally wouldn't want to be apart of. If you also suffer from MI it is just more stress on you. I get that you love your spouse, but they've also made it kinda evident they don't love you....so what's the point in staying? You could find someone way better, who treats you right, and loves you just as much as you love them. No sense in dragging out a relationship and being the only one pulling your weight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...