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Hi,

Since my pdoc has not listened to a word I have said about my tortured mixed states or anxiety and keeps trying to shove Abilify down my throat even though it makes the situation worse, I've taken to being my own pdoc for now.

I increased Lamictal from 200mg to 275mg and will go to 300mg. I added Lexapro at 10mg and if necessary will raise it up to 20mg. I already take Wellbutrin at 150mg.

I know it isn't the "right" or necessarily "safe" thing to do, but without cooperation from my pdoc who keeps cancelling appointments, it is either medicate on my own best knowlege or go to the hospital.

The Lex seems to be kicking in and working. I'm less of a Klonopin addict (2.5mg/day with shakes without it). Adding more Lamictal I hope will counter any mania that may creep in. Goddess, I'd rather risk mania than go through this mixed/anxious hell.

Any ideas, since I am doing this to myself, for keeping mania at bay? I have all kinds of AAPs in case of emergencies.

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Maybe before you added the Wellbutrin, even though you weren't feeling great, I really think you were doing better than what is going on with you right now, just based on what I have seen you post lately.  It really appeared to agitate you greatly and I don't think it has done you much good.

That being said, Lex can't be exactly sedating either.

Pretty much, I think the more that you muck about with things yourself, the harder it's going to be for you to come back to a baseline.

You can't keep doing it alone, and upping the lexapro and the lamictal won't last forever. Don't make any more changes without some real assistance in those decisions.

If you don't get along with your pdoc, you need to do something about it. Now. Now now now now. You don't feel well, you feel like you can't rely on your doctor.  If you feel this way, you need to either put your heads together and figure out how to communicate better between the two of you, or you need to find another way to address your current situation. 

You can't medicate yourself.

You have already mentioned recently going into the hospital. I know you weren't saying that you will, but the fact that you brought it up does indicate how bad you truly are feeling.  Each day that goes by that you feel this way is another day of stress that you don't need and that will tax you further.

You need to get proper help and care either by your current doctor, by a new one immediate, or at urgent care if it is necessary. And the safe isn't appropriate in quotation marks. It isn't safe, period. You are being really risky and I am very concerned.

You need to take care of yourself, don't keep doing this.  It must be hell.

Maybe you could even go to a GP. You have to do something because there is no reason you should keep feeling this way.

~navy~

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You need to see a doctor. You cannot be your own doctor, and with some of these medications you are taking great risks with not only how it will effect your mental state, but how it may effect your body as well.

As Navy said, if you arent getting along with pdoc, please, resort to finding another...even going to your GP for right now is a good option. I have had to do this when I had to drop a pdoc a while back. Ive also had to come to the realisation before that I was in so much turmoil that I couldnt handle it all by myself, as much as I wanted to, so I had to go to the hospital.

You deserve good care, please seek help from a professional.

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Is Navy reasonable and logical or what?  Thanks for being around.

I can't really comment or make any suggestions on med changes for several reasons. I can't recommend it though.

If you are at the point where you aren't getting to see the Pdoc or get the attention you need from him, resulting in doing your own meds, then you need to change pdocs.

You aren't doing well now.  You are self adjusting without training or experience.  There is a train wreck coming.

Get on the phone and either fix things now with your present pdoc or get in line for a new one. Don't delay because if you go with a new doc it can take weeks for a new patient evaluation, and you may run out of meds.

If you get to the end of your rope, a visit to the hospital can give the time and expertise to get a good med line up.  Though I haven't gotten the impression that you have been that low recently.

Good luck.  A.M.

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agree, agree, agree

I've been down the road of mixing meds on own, though i started with just natural supplements, many of which make things better when taken with my meds.

Definitely see another pdoc or/like in my case/ work with your gp

my past posts have information on many supplements recommended by psychs, however, u must either be good at checking your own blood levels or talk to a doc. (preferably bothe)

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As for the original topic... I pretty much agree with what everyone else said. But you probably know that already. I can imagine how frustrating it must be with a pdoc that doesn't listen to you. Try to switch, if that's possible. Or go to the hospital if you feel that's the only other option. They should be able to sort things out.

I'm really hoping you'll do better soon. You're worth better than this shit.

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I increased Lamictal from 200mg to 275mg and will go to 300mg. I added Lexapro at 10mg and if necessary will raise it up to 20mg. I already take Wellbutrin at 150mg.

I know it isn't the "right" or necessarily "safe" thing to do, but without cooperation from my pdoc who keeps cancelling appointments, it is either medicate on my own best knowlege or go to the hospital.

The Lex seems to be kicking in and working. I'm less of a Klonopin addict (2.5mg/day with shakes without it). Adding more Lamictal I hope will counter any mania that may creep in. Goddess, I'd rather risk mania than go through this mixed/anxious hell.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

L,

What you are essentially doing is speedballing. Lexapro (pro-manic) and

Wellbutrin (pro-anxiety) to jack you up, lamictal (stabilizer) and klonopin

(anxiolytic benzo) to mellow you back out. This is a really bad idea because

once you get to OK you'll have been doing it by balancing on a razor's edge.

You will not stay at OK for long though.

As others have said - if you can't get straight with your current pdoc, get a

real doctor (i.e., pdoc or GP or urgent-care or hospital staff, not you and

not us internet posers). Be upfront with where you cannot stand to be left

re: mixed-states and how much of a workload it's likely to be to get you

stable.

For that matter, maybe a complete psych reevaluation is in order to ID

what's complicating the BPD (other than having 4-5 meds each hitting

different systems; that's like playing a pinball machine in your head).

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What you are essentially doing is speedballing. Lexapro (pro-manic) and

Wellbutrin (pro-anxiety) to jack you up, lamictal (stabilizer) and klonopin

(anxiolytic benzo) to mellow you back out. This is a really bad idea because

once you get to OK you'll have been doing it by balancing on a razor's edge.

You will not stay at OK for long though.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree completely with this.  However, from peoples signatures and posts, there seem to be quite a few pdocs that subscribe to this treatment method.  In some cases it may be warranted, but I personally think it is a matter of pdocs not knowing what to do so they just throw more pills at the problem.  Depressed, have an AD.  Making you manic, add an AP.  Still anxious, here have a benzo.  Mixed state hell, lets take it all away and start again. 

Now to the point, it is a bad idea to be your own pdoc.  However, when you are faced with pdocs that don't know what they are doing or ones that don't listen or ones that don't even keep appts, what is one supposed to do?  Seriously, what does one do when the health care system fails you?

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My Method

may

Not be

as Extreme.

I like to

Tread the

Edge.

And

I do

Pay for it.

Still

Recovering from

a mixed state,

induced

by wanting a

hypomanic state.

I can trigger them,

can't control

Them.

I may

never Learn.

Previously undone,Stasis

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I tried that myself.  I upped my wellbutrin, upped my lamictal (downed it then upped it again),  took ativan to sleep instead of PRN like I am supposed to do and cut off the risperdal all together.

My doc retired and just gave me enough to last 3 months so I took over and I really screwed myself up.  Anyway, I thought it might be ok to go through all the med changes- why not just have all the side effects at the same time.. Oh, and on top of all that- try to stop taking pain pills.  I am a fricken genious!

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How you doin', Loon?  I won't repeat what everyone's said here, except to say that I heartily agree and that heck, going to a GP might be better than trying to handle your own meds.  There are some good cautionary tales in this thread.  I'm too insecure and too afraid of getting fired by my pdoc and tdoc to try playing with my meds.  I do hope you can identify someone else who can do your med management, even if your insurance limits you.  Can you get a referral from him now that he's retired?  Surely he can't have left you cold without any names of qualified pdocs on your insurance plan?

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The last time I felt better, I was on the combo of Paxil, Wellbutrin, Seroquel, and Lamictal. The Lamictal and Wellbutrin are the same, only I increased the Lamictal. The Lex is in substitution for the Paxil because I'm out of Paxil and have lots of Lex. Seroquel does not get along with me. Klonopin is necessary.

My pdoc kept trying to force Abilify on me. I fired her because she doesn't have night hours, kept cancelling appointments, and wouldn't listen to my concerns. She just kept trying to get me to take Abilify. That stuff doesn't agree with me and makes me more mixed.

Right now I'm coming out of the mixed episode and into what feels like a regular state, with anxiety still, but not as bad. I'm making an appointment at my health center with the only person who has night appointments, but it may take a little time to get in to see him. My instructions from my OLD pdoc are to stay on Wellbutrin, 200 (not 275/300) of Lamictal, and ABILIFY. IIICCCKKK.

I brought back the AD to clear up that mixed funk. I'm waiting to see how I feel and to get in to see my new pdoc before changing anything else. Something cleared up my thinking. I don't know what it is/was.

Thank you for your sound advice and warnings. I know it isn't the best and could land me in the hospital. I just don't know what to do except this right now, because my pdoc just pushes AB and doesn't listen, and cancels appointments. I even took off of work for that Bi*ch.

Since I've basically been on this combo before, with minor alterations, that's why I'm trying it again. I may drop the Wellbutrin if necessary, because that was the first thing my GOOD pdoc dropped once I stabilized out of my 3rd hospitalization.

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