Is this depression?

[ehygon]

Since my initial realization that I wasn't quite right, my problems are so very different. Initially, I was weepy, and self injurous, and didn't have the will to go to school for months at a time. Relatively obvious, I was depressed.

Fast forward to know, currently toying with the idea of leaving my second pdoc, after probably a year of talk therapy, and eighty bazillion pills later. I'm not on any meds at the moment, but we'll get to that.

Right now, when I'm in a bad mood, being sad or crying aren't symptoms. My problems are more, excessive guilt, mild paranoia, fatigue, and occasional thoughts of suicide. But I don't see how this is depression, without the obvious depressed mood.

I have absolutely no interest in anyone, or anything, and I'm generally always tired. My social phobia keeps me from doing pretty much anything productive or entertaining, like going out, getting a job, or even using the phone. These problems are with me 24/7.

I have hypomanic symptoms, not overly often, which mainly consist of rage, anxiety, aggression, and sometimes a little paranoia. My pdoc tells me "thats good" when I complain about them, and inform him that I haven't started my homicidal spree.

Occasionally, I'll have a nice euphoric period, where I can't stop thinking about screwing every other person who passes me, getting through obscene passages in textbooks, and being very giddy. Generally, these are worse when I'm taking his silly pills, which most recently consisted of remeron and lithium.

I kind of want to bring this up with my pdoc, but I really despise him, and I'd rather not open pandora's box without knowing whats in it.

Comments?

[Dire Curves]

just an idea...

perhaps the reason you and your pdoc are not getting along is that you are not telling them all that goes on.. understandibly.

if not def go see another, i've seen at least 10 differetn ones

And yes that's depression with a mixture of GAD and/or SAD.  but i'm not a professional brain killer

[ldo]

I can't speak to the med situation, and I don't know much about bipolar, although sometimes my pdoc thinks I have a touch of it, but you sure sound depressive to me. Maybe a bit more on the dysthymic side, which is a place I've been and might not notice for a while if I went back, since to me it was normal. If you return to suicidal ideas very often, or if they seem to have any power behind them, you need to do something to correct the situation sooner rather than later. To  me, fatigue seems like a pretty good clue to depression, although of course there can be a physical reason.

You don't tell us much about your pdoc. Maybe it's a bad fit. You need to either change pdocs or find it in yourself to be more open. If you are not seeing your pdoc often, like once a week, then maybe you need to have a tdoc too. Easy for me to say, since I don't know your insurance situation, finances, etc.

If you are thinking about screwing every other person who comes by, you must be someplace where everyone is attractive. If I was unattached, I'd want to know where. Or maybe not such a good idea, since, whether it's from the meds directly or because I'm undepressed, I'm way too frisky most of the time.  Maybe I'm way too undepressed, too, considering my (un)employment and financial situation.

On a more serious note, I hope you can get this worked out and end up better off than you are now.

[Loon-A-TiK]

I'm BP1. I'm 27 and was DXed when I was 7. My whole family is BP1.

To me, what you are describing is really, really worth looking into. That is what I feel like a lot during a mixed episode, a type of BP where you can feel symptoms of depression and (hypo)mania at once. For me it is depression with anxiety, energy, and racing thoughts. It is different for everyone.

Please, talk to your pdoc about exactly all the symptoms you feel. Ask to be evaluated for BP. There are different surveys now that are better indicators than past ones. Ask for a current one, not the stupid, older ones. Those under-diagnose half the BP spectrum.

Lots of people DXed with depression and anxiety disorders, and even ADD, really have a form of BP disorder. It is very, very worth checking out. If it is not the problem, at least you can cross it off and keep trying to piece the puzzle together.

Best of wishes

loon

[ehygon]

I'm BP1. I'm 27 and was DXed when I was 7. My whole family is BP1.

To me, what you are describing is really, really worth looking into. That is what I feel like a lot during a mixed episode, a type of BP where you can feel symptoms of depression and (hypo)mania at once. For me it is depression with anxiety, energy, and racing thoughts. It is different for everyone.

Please, talk to your pdoc about exactly all the symptoms you feel. Ask to be evaluated for BP. There are different surveys now that are better indicators than past ones. Ask for a current one, not the stupid, older ones. Those under-diagnose half the BP spectrum.

Lots of people DXed with depression and anxiety disorders, and even ADD, really have a form of BP disorder. It is very, very worth checking out. If it is not the problem, at least you can cross it off and keep trying to piece the puzzle together.

.

Best of wishes

loon

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, I've been inclined to believe I have bp2, due to various bad reactions to meds, a few gps and a social worker telling me so. I've seen my initial evaluation and 2 follow up pages, in my GP file (nfi why he has it?) If I read it correctly, he's already ruled out bipolar because I didn't have euphoric (and specifically, euphoric, by the symtoms he listed) manias on zoloft. Because we all know, there's only one flavor.

I'm only on 300mg of lithium right now, which I seriously doubt is any good for mood stability in my case ( a 6"1' 240lb man). I honestly spent the whole hour in my first class today thinking about jumping out the 4th story window in the boys bathroom. I kep getting social phobia questionnaires from him, but I'm doubting that's what it is. I wanted to jump, because every time I hear someone laugh, or whisper, I'm on the verge of tears because my immediate reaction is "it's about me, what's wrong with me? what is it?" That, and no medications ever really touch it.

The only options he gave me last time (like, a week ago?) were lithium at 300mg (wtf), and zyprexa. Slash not to the zyprexa moobs. I hate my body enough without being unable to fit into my clothes AGAIN (remeron made for a happy christmas!).

[Catnapper]

...Initially, I was weepy, and self injurous, and didn't have the will to go to school for months at a time. Relatively obvious, I was depressed.

Fast forward to know, currently toying with the idea of leaving my second pdoc, after probably a year of talk therapy, and eighty bazillion pills later. I'm not on any meds at the moment, but we'll get to that.

Right now, when I'm in a bad mood, being sad or crying aren't symptoms. My problems are more, excessive guilt, mild paranoia, fatigue, and occasional thoughts of suicide. But I don't see how this is depression, without the obvious depressed mood.

I have absolutely no interest in anyone, or anything, and I'm generally always tired. My social phobia keeps me from doing pretty much anything productive or entertaining, like going out, getting a job, or even using the phone. These problems are with me 24/7.

I have hypomanic symptoms, not overly often, which mainly consist of rage, anxiety, aggression, and sometimes a little paranoia. ....

Occasionally, I'll have a nice euphoric period, where I can't stop thinking about screwing every other person who passes me, getting through obscene passages in textbooks, and being very giddy. Generally, these are worse when I'm taking his silly pills, which most recently consisted of remeron and lithium.

I kind of want to bring this up with my pdoc, but I really despise him, and I'd rather not open pandora's box without knowing whats in it.

Comments?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ehygon -

In answer to your initial question, is this depression?  I'd have to say yes, or maybe depression as part of a bipolar disorder, but definitely something that needs to be correctly diagnosed and treated with meds. 

I'm no doc, just another nutcase with major depressive disorder and dysthymia.  What you've described:  excessive guilt, mild paranoia, fatigue, and occasional thoughts of suicide...I have absolutely no interest in anyone, or anything, and I'm generally always tired. My social phobia keeps me from doing pretty much anything productive or entertaining, like going out, getting a job, or even using the phone. These problems are with me 24/7.

They all sound to me like classic symptoms of depression and/or dysthymia, depending on their severity and duration.  I would consider them evidence of an obvious depressed mood, and my non-trained gut feeling about not wanting to go out, use the phone, etc., also points towards depression more than it does social phobia. 

The reason depression comes to mind more than social phobia is because the desire for isolation and lack of interest in activities that you once found enjoyable are also clear signs of depression.  They're some of the symptoms that I use to objectively judge where I am on the illness scale:  Have I been out of the house?  Have I made any or returned any phone calls?  Have I done anything fun like go to the movies or for a hike?  They're something that can be tracked over time that my pdoc and I can use to see if I'm getting better or not and adjust my meds accordingly. 

The hypomanic symptoms you mention could put you somewhere in the land of bipolar disorders, or it could mean your meds weren't right, but it definitely means you need to talk to your pdoc about them.

It sounds like you're not happy with your current pdoc, and if that's the case, it's time to get a new one.  If you're not willing to tell the doc everything that's going on, it's impossible to get the right treatment, no matter how good the doctor is.  Your symptoms sound like you absolutely would be helped by meds, and as you'll find from reading around here, going off and on meds tends to make things worse over the long haul, which sucks.  Taking meds sucks, too, but the alternative eventually gets to be unbearable and can be fatal.  Sorry to sound so grim, but depression, dysthymia, and bipolar are all pretty grim subjects.

I wish you luck in finding a good and competent pdoc who will correctly diagnose you and figure out which meds will work the best for you.