Waterfall Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 I have had recurrent thoughts for years that I might suddenly go crazy and gouge my eyes out or bite my tongue off. Or someone will come around and bend my fingers backwards and break them. Or my toes. It makes me very anxious, to say the least. I also have recurrent thoughts of death, and feelings of intense fear of it. What is wrong with me. A pdoc said it's just a fear of losing control. Well duh! I am currently recovering from a broken leg and my level of fear is sky high. I broke my leg by falling in my own driveway. If I am not safe in my own driveway, then I am not safe anywhere. I have been excrutiatingly depressed this week. My husband acted like a jerk to my daughter (his stepdaughter) and now she won't speak to him. I feel like I should divorce him for what he did and said to her, but I need him right now because I am still laid up. So I realize my depression is situation, or maybe the stress is triggering my disease. I am actually hoping for some hypomania so I can feel better. But I always crash after. My last episode was mixed and that was not pretty. I don'tk now why I am writing all this. I guess I just needed to vent to people who might actually understand. Thanks for reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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