Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

A few years ago, my tdoc worked evenings, but since then she moved practises and I started seeing her at mid afternoon instead of late afternoon. This was fine, since at that point I was either a student or a part time worker, so all I had to do was make sure those hours didn't intersect. Only now I'm going to be starting a new full time job (in a months time) and for some reason I didn't think to check with my tdoc what her hours are now. I feel like she told me she only does 9-5 a while ago, but I forgot. My new work place sound kind of flexible, but it was a sort of 9-5 or 9.30-5.30 kind of flexible, and I don't know if they'd be willing to let be go an hour or so earlier one day a week. My new line manager said she works from 8-4, and if I could do that then maybe my tdoc would be willing to see me at 5-6 or something? Unfortunately work and therapy aren't close by (just checked, it's about a 50 minute bus ride give or take ten minutes)

The other issue is how to raise this with new workplace. Since I currently have a part time job, I was wondering if I could phrase it as needing to arrive early/leave early once a week so I could work for that job. At the interview for NW they asked if I had any prior commitments that might affect work timing, and I stupidly didn't think of therapy, so I said no. If I say part time job wants a few hours a week, would that sound like a good excuse since it came up after the interview?

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to ask for flexible hours due to therapy? Should I be honest and say it's for therapy, or white lie and say it's for another job? I'm very willing to make up for time, I don't want fewer hours but I also really don't want to lose this therapist. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

I never know how to deal with this. I would hate disclosing any sort of mental health issue at work. I don't want to be seen as a burden, someone they will have to make special accommodations for...possibly have a lot of absences, lost productivity.  Its not good to lie, but I'd be more apt to say its for an important volunteer commitment (makes you look dedicated) or for a physical health issue that requires monitoring.

It's too bad we don't have the "I have to pick up my child once a week" excuse. It's really so unfair that parents, new moms get all the flexible breaks, perks and support in the workplace (no one bats an eye if they suddenly must leave) and us childless folks with severe mental illness disorders get none. They just think we are lazy, crazy unstable & weak or something. We are seen as a liability.

Edited by Blahblah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I mean, I kind of get why parents get flexible hours, but it would be nice if disabled people got leeway as well. I used to work with a lot of mums and from their stories it sounds like they only got the flexibility they did because it was legally mandated. Didn't mean their careers didn't suffer or there wasn't some level of judgement. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

I leave work to see my Tdoc on Mondays at 1.30 (then go back and finish out the day). I've been doing this for several years, though I've only been with my current employer since July. After the first week at the new job, I told my supervisor that I have a weekly medical appointment that I need to go to, but I want to make up the time. I am flexible about mandatory meetings, etc. They're fine with it and I've only had a couple times where I've had to reschedule due to a work commitment.

I have a job where I am not dealing with the public, so there can be more flexibility to my hours than there might be for other positions.

Due to rules around ADA and medical disabilities, most (smart) companies will be reluctant to push hard about if it's necessary, what your dx is, what kind of medical appointment it is, etc. They may request a letter from your doctor saying it's necessary - you could ask your Tdoc, Pdoc or probably even your GP to write such a letter which, again, could be vague.

I feel like a company would be more inclined to allow schedule flexibility for medical care than for a secondary job (especially because of not wanting to run afoul of ADA), but I don't know.

Edited to add: I have never felt judged by my colleagues over the years. Most of the time they don't even notice my absence. If it needs to be mentioned for scheduling or something, I just say I've got a medical appointment but I'll be back. If they comment beyond that (which is rare), it's something like "oh, is everything okay?" I smile and say "oh yeah - just a routine thing, no biggie" and then ask a question about the work we're doing.

I ran into an issue with my former employer, to whom I had disclosed my dx to for the purposes of justifying short-term disability and some other stuff. I worked there for almost 4 years. They ended up forcing me to disclose that I had missed a week of work because of being IP (I had a doctor's note from the hospital, which doesn't list dx or ward, just said I was sick and cleared to return to work on x date), and then writing me up for "abusing" flex hours "including with prior approval." Their actions were illegal and after they were informed of that they backed off. I ended up leaving the company 4 months later. There were a lot of reasons for that choice, but certainly the way they treated me about my dx was part of it.

I'm really hoping I can avoid having to disclose my dx to my current company, though at some point it may become necessary if I need formal ADA accommodations. 

Edited by Geek
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm in the UK so ADA doesn't apply, but I think I'd feel better saying I had a medical appointment or some such. You're right, I think they'd be less willing to say yes if I said it was for a second job. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, ananke said:

I'm in the UK so ADA doesn't apply, but I think I'd feel better saying I had a medical appointment or some such. You're right, I think they'd be less willing to say yes if I said it was for a second job. 

Apologies, Ananke - I knew that but forgot. As another non-USian, I do hate when assumptions are made that everyone lives in the US (granted, currently I am living in the US).

I'm sure you know though, that you do have similar rights under the Equality Act 2010 (unless you're in Northern Ireland) and the UN Convention on disability rights. This guidance from the Equality and Human Rights Commission says that it is a reasonable accommodation for your employer to allow you to have time off for treatment. Mind gives some guidance too, on when, how and why to tell your employer about your disability.

It's an anxiety provoking thing, for sure. I try to remember that our supervisors and managers are people too. I try to emphasize that I'm ill, and many people can relate to that. Combine that with demonstration of your work ethic and hopefully they'll be able to work with you rather than against you.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow it's very sweet of you to go to all that trouble researching! Dang you did more that I did. Yeah, fortunately it's a small business and they seemed more about me getting alone with the team moreso than my skills and education, so hopefully that'll help. I certainly want to be as nice as possible, since they just hired me and I'm not a very assertive person, but I will put my foot down if I have to. 

I think my best option is to go back to them and say 'very sorry, thought I would be able to do this out of office hours but it appears that's not the case, would I be able to do x hours once a week?' since I already told them I didn't have any conflicts. I'll make it clear this wasn't me deceiving them it was me incorrectly assuming I could change my hours. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wonder if since someone works 8-4, could you do that, or even 7-3, or possibly 8-5 one day to make up for a 9-4 day on your appointment day?  A 9 hour day plus a 7 hour day, to even things out?  I am thinking maybe if you give them those options it will show you still intend to make things work and do the job. Or possibly be the first morning appointment with the therapist, if they could start early, and then work?  I’ve had to do various workarounds for appointments but never on a regular basis. And I’ve never told an employer my MI issues. I know some do, but I don’t even tell my friends so don’t totally go by me. Still, I think we have a right to privacy. I hope they work with you on this. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Unfortunately the only session available is the one I'm currently doing, which makes the working day somewhat difficult. 3pm plus an hour to get there. Hoping that once I get qualified enough I can work from home that day, which would make things a lot easier.

I'm calling them up on Monday. My tdoc said that other people have flexible hours and not to immediately assume they're mad at me, but I can't help it. 

I think it's best keeping it as general as possible. Depending on where you live I think it's illegal to ask specifically what medical reason it's for.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know at my job if I said I had to work 7-3 one day or as an alternative, work 9-3 one day, and stay over 2 days, 9-6, to make up, they would allow it. But other jobs—not a chance. Also now I can do a limited amount of work from home but not until I’d been there a while. I do think going in with some options you’ve thought out will give best results and show you value the job. I think it could work out, from what you say, so I hope it does. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stressful day today. I feel like I'm being torn from every direction. I keep getting different advice from different people. Although new job people sound lovely, I also worry that I've messed up to the point where they could be justified in terminating our contract (long story). Tried talking about it with family and since they are going through their own problems, they were a little frustrated. My dad feels that my therapist is being unreasonable and should move my hours. Tried pointing out she has other clients and after work is very popular, but whatever. 

This whole mess is my fault anyway. I've had to 'out' myself to my employers because they needed a reasonable explanation for the time off, so now I feel pretty vulnerable about telling them my PD.  This is, to be clear, my fault and not anyone else's. I don't know, I feel tdoc made me feel better about asking for accommodating hours but my dad thinks I'm pissing off employers because it'll mess up my training. So do I be assertive or do I just say maybe no therapy until I can do later? 

Literally the best case situation would be where employers wouldn't know about therapy or OCPD at all. But here we fucking are so 😕 anyway I keep crying and being dramatic so could someone snap me out of it 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey @ananke. Try to breathe.

The first 6 months at a new job is always stressful - especially the first few weeks.

If there's a training schedule, would you be able to miss therapy for the first few weeks to be able to do the standard training? With the understanding that once you've completed that you will work a modified schedule most of the time. It's fair to ask for accommodating hours - and fair for them to say that there are some instances they need your flexibility too, right? Maybe during this intro period you could do phone sessions with your Tdoc?

Do you have to tell your employer your diagnosis? Could you just say you have a mental illness and need regular therapy? I know there's a lot of stigma about PDs and I don't want you to get hurt by it. If you've already told them though, try to have some confidence that you'll be treated fairly. There is a growing understanding of mental illness in general.

You are competent, and dedicated to your work. You're learning - so of course you're going to make some mistakes. No one expects you to be perfect right away.

I'm sorry it's so hard. Hang in there and keep us updated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Geek, argh it is stressful. I'll wait to see what they say to me. If they asked me to take a break I'd be ok with that. I don't want it to affect my work.

I did have to tell them, since I was asking for time off they needed to know what specifically was the issue. Part of the stress is that I was meant to tell them this on my initial form but didn't, since it's a condition that now affects my work, and that might be a serious problem. I feel like an idiot on top of being stupid. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn’t have put it on either and don’t think that’s stupid, more self preservation. I think the less said the better but that’s not always possible and is also just my preference. You didn’t really have a choice. I hope they are working with you on this. Sorry you have to give personal information just for a simple request. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, they've been really nice. Thank goodness the hours were able to be shifted so I'm only half an hour out. I feel very lucky, it's a good job and they've been very kind to me. It is difficult for me to be open about having a PD- there's a huge amount of misinformation and stereotypes, as I'm sure we've all experienced in our own ways. It couldn't have gone better in the end, it's just me having anxiety about everything

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/4/2019 at 2:06 PM, ananke said:

I mean, I kind of get why parents get flexible hours, but it would be nice if disabled people got leeway as well. I used to work with a lot of mums and from their stories it sounds like they only got the flexibility they did because it was legally mandated. Didn't mean their careers didn't suffer or there wasn't some level of judgement. 

Disabled People are entitled to flexible working in the UK.  Just need to mention it as a reasonable adjustment under the Equality Act. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...