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I am so fucking angry.

I can't handle it.

I just had a fucking STUPID conversation with my boyfriend, and now I want to kill him.

When I am mad, I get these insane urges to just KILL the person. I want to kill him. I WANT TO FUCKING KILL HIM.

Oh god I don't know how to calm down. I don't know how to release this in a healthy way.

and now I can't stop crying.

I want to fucking kill myself

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i have to forcibly distract myself, find something else to do so i won't keep ruminating and ruminating over and over on the angry thoughts.  for me, losing myself in a really good book, doing jewelry, a great movie....it has to be distracting.  really distracting.

but yeah, i know how it is, i have what is politely known as an 'irritable component' to my depression and it just sucks.

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I want to fucking kill myself

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well don't do that! Then he'll feel all bad, your friends will be all bummed....

Fights with the other half are so draining. Fights with ANYONE are exhausting.  And they get the adrenaline flowing.

Are you into exercise at all? Martial arts? Meditation? Nice music that does not require the banging of your head?

All of those can help before anger strikes. You get endorphins on your side, and then when you get angry, some of the air comes out of it.

Talk to your p-doc or therapist about it too. Out of control anger is no fun for anyone. I can feel that is how you might be feeling. So try and take it out in a healthy way. And stick around. There could be something very wonderful happening tomorrow.

Breeze

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X -

I absolutely understand.  I had those feelings for the first time about four years ago, about someone who had done some pretty awful things to me, and I still feel them simmering from time to time.

But the bottom line is, you can't do what you want to do.  So you have to channel the energy and the anger and the hurt in a different, non-destructive direction.

Ideas:

Get a punching bag.  Beat the ever-loving stuffing out of it.  Pillows will do in a pinch.

Get a dartboard and darts, pin a photo of the offending party to it, and practice.

Take a digital picture of the offender, load it into your computer's "paint" program, and draw moustaches on him/her.  Be creative.

Get a sledgehammer and bust rocks.

Bury your head in a pillow and scream your anger until it's out.

Eat chocolate.  Seriously.  Get some endorphins moving through your system to mellow you.

Meditate.  Some useful free audio meditations are found here.

Take a deep breath, a step back, and look at what, precisely, caused you to feel this way.  Was it really worth this level of anger?  Did it really matter so much in the grand scheme of things?  As much as it cheeses you off, a billion people in China just don't care.

It'll all be ok, X.  Just channel your frustration into harmless outlets, or find ways to allow it to dissipate.  For heaven's sake, though, don't bottle it in.  Please.  It will rot you from within.

Cerberus

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Writing is definately one way to react to intense feelings.  Stream of conciousness writing has sometimes helped me to just get it all out. Don't think about what you are writing and just get it all out.

I really wish that you had stayed online after venting like this. It really isn't productive or helpful to you to just runaway, because then you can't see the supportive things that we are trying to say to you.

Running or even yelling if you need to could help.

But you do recognize on one level that this is probably out of proportion to the incident that actually made you angry- but that isn't to say that you shouldn't be angry, mad, sad or any of those things that you feel when you get into a fight with someone you care about.

One of the things that is frightening when you get into an argument [or whatever happened- I don't know exactly] with someone we love is that the feeling of being angry can get all mixed up with how much you care about someone. It gets really confusing, which can sometimes just make someone even more mad, and it's so much more difficult to calm down.

And on top of all of that- there is the stupid thing that happened in the first place.

I guess one of the better things to do is to try to expend some energy- the writing, jumping jacks, running... I really am not sure. It's hard to bring yourself down sometimes.

Scribbling, yelling. 

There are probably a lot of different parts to your anger though. There usually are. Anger is not a simple emotion. It can't be turned off, just like it can't be turned on to immediate peak and see its full effect. You can start to anger really quickly, but it can continue to stir inside you until you feel worse and worse.

Try very hard to not turn it inward also- it's exhausting and leads to these destructive thoughts. You're pissed off and you need to do something about these things that happen soon. But you can't fix this all at once and trying to fix your anger problem as a whole Right Now is going to make it much harder for you to calm down.

When I get righteously pissed I try to write and write, drink ice water and do analysis of the situation. I also try not to talk to the person for a while until I think I can do it without upsetting myself further.

I don't know what will work for you- but try really hard to just concentrate on what you need right now. Which is to calm your body- though that may mean getting out this energy first.

~navy~

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Hi again,

You know, the jealousy and anger you have described in a couple of posts sounds like me before I added a small dose of seroquel to effexor.

Have you ever tried seroquel at bedtime?  Maybe you could ask your doc about that instead or in addition to traz.  I only take 50 mg and it makes me sleep like a rock and I really think it has helped the borderline psycho girlfriend behaviour I used to have.

Just a thought.

P.S.  It's been months and no desire to read his email. ;)

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Some good 'ole pillow beatings can absorb a lot of energy, with some strong yelling.

Walking.  When I'm really upset walking till I'm exhausted is a great way to both expel the bad energy and tire the body.

Don't let the anger eat you up, nor give it too much power over you.  You aren't a bad person because of this incident. 

Be safe.

A.M.

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Bury your head in a pillow and scream your anger until it's out.

Cerberus

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is my favorite rage-release activity. I usually scream at the top of my lungs some choice 4 letter words until I literally wear myself out.  In the car, into a pillow, etc.  I really do feel better afterwards.  If I hold it in, I'm bound to take my anger out on the next person that comes within 100 ft of me.... ;)

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Art has always been my release...always...since I was little. I dont know why or how, but it helps. Also, sometimes when things seem just so unbearably overwhelming, i make a cup of hot coffee or tea, and I get my Ipod (or my cd player, if my Ipod is dead) and I go someplace quiet, and I listen to my music, and drink my coffee and just be away...mentally and everything...pretend Im someplace else. I know that may sound weird, but it helps alot.

Sometimes going for a walk, (if weather permitts) helps as well...

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Wow. I didn't expect to get so many replies. :)

Well, seeing as it's the next day, I'm not so angry anymore.

I cried and screamed as loud as I could for about 45 minutes, and that seemed to do the trick.

Then after exhausting myself, I took a nap.

Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions though, and I will definitely be using a few of these the next time I find myself jam packed with unbearable rage.    ;)

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One other thought, X -

If you're feeling that way, you might think about logging onto chat at #crazymeds and telling folks how you're feeling there.  It's a good place to vent, with lots of sympathetic ears.  (Only do this, however, if you're confident that you can take advantage of the willing shoulders to cry on without lashing out at the people they're attached to.)

Cerberus

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On those occasions when I get REALLLLLY mad, and they are rare these days, if I feel I can't keep my behavior within reasonable limits, or if I feel I just can't take it anymore, I will go outside or elsewhere. Helps to be away from the person I'm mad at, assuming I can be that specific. Also helps if I'm walking to get away. I think physical activity can absorb a fair amount of emotional energy and soften it. Or maybe it's just that not moving around enough makes us flighty.

Don't feel guilty about wanting to hurt someone, as long as there's no chance you'll do it. We all get the urge now and then to hit someone in the nose or worse. Well, ok, I know I do. I appreciated it, years ago, when my shrink told me these kinds of feelings are pretty normal. (Ok, he put it more strongly. He said it wasn't abnormal to want to kill someone, as long as it was just an emotional thing and not a plan or something.)

An acquaintance of mine, who, as it happens, has a bit of a temper, says (or quotes) "Anger is a poison we take in the hope that someone else will die.". I think it's a bit smug, but there's a certain truth to it.

I think when we are angry or irritable, to some extent we are grabbing onto something too hard and refusing to let go, whatever it is. We overinflate the particular thing until it becomes completely unacceptable and we can't live with it. Kind of like the Buddhist idea of attachment. Sometimes it can help to stop, just sit or stand, and breath slowly,  2 slow counts in, hold 2, out 2, hold 2 and so on, while either not looking at anything or else closing your eyes. 30 seconds of this can made a big difference. (Yes, this is like meditation.) A caveat is that for me, at least, this doesn't work well unless I've had my Adderall.

Of course there are still times when I get worked up. But I don't tend to lash out at people. It's been one of my life's goals not to, since I've been damaged by my Dad's temper, and I don't want to do that to other people, but I have the same natural temperament.

Edited by ldo

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