Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, Ion said:

 

I worry about this. I will hopefully be getting an assessment done in the next month or so and I worry about getting a false negative. I want to believe that the tests are accurate and sophisticated enough enough to give a correct result, but depression and decades of coping mechanisms muddy the waters, not to mention the stereotypes about ADHD.

Well the thing is the the tests are still apparently subject to the interpretation of the psychologist. If the psychologist decides that you are inattentive because you're just anxious, then there you are. I think for me it's a complicated collection of things that impact my ability to perform. Anxiety and depression is part of the picture, but I don't think the whole picture. I find myself wondering in retrospect how much of my high school depression related to school performance came from problems caused by ADHD making performing really difficult, which negatively impacted my self esteem and brought on depression. I don't think I'll ever figure that out. But I'm sure most if not all of us who could be diagnosed with ADHD have signs going back to childhood that may have been missed or misinterpreted. And I'm sure the smarter you are, or the easier academics were for you at baseline, the less likely you are to have been diagnosed because of the ability to compensate for deficits.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/19/2019 at 6:05 PM, Unstrung Harp said:

Ugh. I hope they don't make the assumption that your problems are all anxiety-related without actually evaluating you. I found that completely infuriating that the psychologist who evaluated me just decided without really any evidence that my deficits that he identified were based in anxiety rather than ADHD. I mean, you can have both. They're not mutually exclusive.

This!! Also, like I'm not really sure how to describe this to them because I thought they'd understand but apparently not...

But, like this is completely different from the kind of anxiety I used to have several years ago and while I was on benzos -- I was in a constant state of panic about absolutely everything with no real triggers. I feel like this is different because there's actually something to worry about, and I'm worried about, but it's not driving me batty like the old anxiety did. I'm just, like, frustrated of having to live with my parents and not being sure if I'm going to be able to afford health insurance, etc. becasue I can't really do what I do.

And I feel like i"m maxed out on behaviorial/CBT life hacks (not sure if I posted this here or sent this to my boyfriend), I even gave examples. Like, I don't lose my purse or keys ever, because I have an organizational 'system' in place where I have a designated hook next to the door that my purse goes on, and my keys are on a latch fob thingy that hook onto a metal loop on my purse -- and I ONLY buy purses with metal loops specifically for this purpose. So those two things are always together and they never get lost, I'm super disciplined.

That's how I approach like everything, I have to create systems and be consistent, I have to make lists and schedules...it's just, without the meds those schedules and lists make no sense and are useless.

Also, I'm a graphic designer and web developer, I've done this for 18 years and I'm really good at it but it has both creative concepts that you need to work through and make decisions on as well as tasks - and I can handle the tasks and break them up and do them in bits, but when I tell doctors this they don't seem to understand that the more important part is the abstract creative decisions and the problem solving. So when I say I can't really do my job, they skip immediately to me learning a whole new skill and changing careers.

I'm...shocked the last year how often they've implied it would be easier for me to go back to school and study and learn an entirely new industry and ease into it and change careers than it would be to just fix this problem. That's nuts to me.

So I do have some worries, but my life is ALL chill otherwise right now. I live with my parents again because I had to leave my career for this, I work part time for myself, I can work from home, my clients are chill, I bike 30 miles a week, my diet is SUPER clean and healthy, I have an amazingly supportive awesome long distance boyfriend...like I have no other stressors and I feel emotionally amazing except for this ONE thing, and what I'm feeling most is frustration that NOBODY will meet me halfway on this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Unstrung Harp said:

Well the thing is the the tests are still apparently subject to the interpretation of the psychologist. If the psychologist decides that you are inattentive because you're just anxious, then there you are. I think for me it's a complicated collection of things that impact my ability to perform. Anxiety and depression is part of the picture, but I don't think the whole picture. I find myself wondering in retrospect how much of my high school depression related to school performance came from problems caused by ADHD making performing really difficult, which negatively impacted my self esteem and brought on depression. I don't think I'll ever figure that out. But I'm sure most if not all of us who could be diagnosed with ADHD have signs going back to childhood that may have been missed or misinterpreted. And I'm sure the smarter you are, or the easier academics were for you at baseline, the less likely you are to have been diagnosed because of the ability to compensate for deficits.

I wondered this too before having to withdraw off benzos and go cold turkey off Adderall last year, and I've *NEVER* in my life I think felt this optimistic, happy, stable, relaxed -- and it's a super issue still lol. I've never been this undepressed ever, as far as I can look back. And my level of IDGAF is so liberating right now, I have a lifelong history of self conciousness about everythign about myself, and I'm not even physically at my best right now and I'm really proud of a whole bunch of things about me. My work is great when I can do it and I have a really strong demand for it, I have great friends, a great life otherwise...I just like, I need to be able to work enough to pay bills like my health insurance because I'd like to keep being healthy. And I'd like to move on with my life, I miss my old city and my life and work and I'd love to be in the same city with my boyfriend.

I do believe my life long struggles with this had a LOT to do with my undiagnosed thyroid disorder (I have autoimmune Hashimotos), and now that that's leveled off I feel like a brand new normal person emotionally and I'd like to stay that way, and I need health insurance to do that. 

Doctors are making it sound completley unreasonable to be concerned about that while they're billing me for tests that I can't afford LOL. The disconnect is amazing. My premimum is $345/month though and if I went without insurance my specialists and meds would cost me 3x that to stay healthy. Texas has the coverage gap so I don't qualify for Medicaid or anything. Nobody is gonna recommend disability for this. I'm not sure even how more therapy would make this better, it is what it is you know?

My therapist is great but I feel like she's just sorta like "Welp..." because she doesn't know what else to do. 
 

Edited by yellowlovesgray
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...