I've been off my meds for about a month now as I never can remember to take them. Last night my fiance and I got into an argument while I was making dinner and it got really bad. He's Bipolar and not on meds right now, but he usually manages it pretty well (he has BP2). He's been super maniac the last few days (full moon, anyone?) and with our current situation at home which includes a lot of variables that have contributed, he's also been extremely cranky. I hate when he yells at me, I want to mention he has NEVER, EVER threatened to put a hand on me, but growing up my parents did a little uh, mental abuse here and there about me being "Crazy". And it usually ended in me in my room, bawling. I began crying because he had been yelling, and wouldn't back off and give me space. Me, being my overdramatic self TW: pulled a knife on him.
I'd never hurt him. Ever. I want to put that out there. Unless he hurt me. Like actually, physically put his hands on me.
I have a friend who lives a couple blocks away, and I called him to come over and diffuse the situation. He gave me the good ol cop talk of "I can arrest you for that, don't do it again", sitch. And he mediated between us both. I also know that if he felt like my fiance was in danger, he'd have me arrested or do it himself. My fiance even said he doesn't feel unsafe and part of me doesn't get why.....
I put the knife down in the kitchen and was crying so hard because that is not like me at all. (This was before he came over. I had literally no intentions of using it, but I am so fucking overdramatic it's unreal.) I'm now in a constant state of worry that my fiance's mental health is worse because of me. He's had abusive exes in his past and I vowed to never be one. He has PTSD from being abused as a kid, too. So he's really screwed
A lot of this post is me "venting" or getting things off my chest. I'm going to try to do better with my meds. To add insult to injury, my therapist moved away a few months ago and never told me. Not a word, so I have a new appt with a new one in my psych office this week...and I'm worried about unloading this onto her. I'm worried about a new therapist in general. I don't like new things.
The entire situation, thinking about it, makes me sick to my stomach.....I...don't know how else to feel.....
So I’ve recently had my heart broken by someone I thougth was the love of my life. The way he ended the relationship was disrespectful, disregarding our years together and just overal shattered my heart into a million pieces.
The first two weeks I was going on fine, I kept myself busy, I was barely home and I didn’t give myself the time to even think about it. It has been in the last week that it has really hit me. How much I invested into the relationship, only to find out that I was the only one. How much love I still have and have had for this man, only to find out that he didn’t feel the same. How many years I’ve spent building something together, memories, a life, only to be all taken away in a second.
I think what hurts the most, is the when I realized how easily he ended things. Withouth remorse, without so much as a blink of an eye. That really made me realize how little I ment to him. And that’s what hurts the most. Someone being your whole world, and you not being even a speck of theirs.
How could I not see it all along? My friend told me, that it’s because I really did and still do love him. I couldn’t see that he was not as invested as I was. She didn’t see it either.
How do you guys deal with heartbreak? I haven’t been able to eat, sleep or think straight since it happend. And the urges of a relapse are really really strong. I’ve already relapsed in my eating, I don’t want to do it in SI too.
What is something that helped you through a rough breakup? When you feel really worthless, unimportant and just broken?
They told me my epival levels were low, and then the entities stopped moving my body towards the edge of the platform when the nurse practitioner gave me a pill doser.... I probably never updated that much.
How can I find a proper way to kill myself? If I kill myself, then I wake up somewhere else. If I die by any other means, even if they use force to make me kill myself, then I am erased. I greatly apologize if this is inappropriate, lately I'm deemed as such everywhere.
I''ve tried overdosing many a time, and I've been in and out of IP for almost 10 years (give or take).
I just want to be in control of my death. The other option is really painful. From binging and purging my oesophagus is starting to tear because there is blood when I vomit. But it's OK because I'm an obese blob.
I just want to die.
I burn my legs alot on top of my thigh to make sure no one will look there at it. I thought I was done hurting myself but then I started again it has been almost years that I don't hurt myself. I can't do anything right at all.I rarely have time to smile most of the times. I can be a emotional rollercoaster. My mental disorders are such tough time time to deal with. I have schoziaffective disorder and other troubles. I can't stop doing it. I am hurting badly but oh well like anyone would care and to write a letter on this messenge. Not that anyone would care.
I don't know if this topic is in the right forum so tell me if I should put it somewhere else.
On Friday 30, around 10:20pm, I overdosed on 700mg of Seroquel, and I was wondering if it was really dangerous. (I'm 5'2" and I weight 115lbs.)
The first thing I noticed was my whole body shaking, then I felt high and cut myself in front of a friend while laughing. And like 1h/2h after I felt exhausted.
My best friend doesn't think it was that dangerous because doctors can prescribe 800mg...
P.S : I did it on an impulse, I didn't want to die.