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dragonfly23

Pauses within an Episode

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I struggle with awareness of hypo or manic episodes. So I look for my markers.  Markers I have worked on with my Tdoc. 

While I know that I see all the markers I seem to want to prove to myself I am fine. 

It’s not like I am constantly hypo or manic. I have quiet times inside of the episode. Hours usually, maybe a day.   Even a depressed or agitated day. 

These quiet times let me deny anything is wrong.

Do you experience the same? 

 

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Yes. I have days when everything seems-I was going to say normal, but baseline might be a better way of putting it. I don’t know why they happen any more than I know why the episode happens. 

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I also have moments of lucidity during episodes. If there is one thing I've learned about bipolar over the years is that anything goes.

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Within a hypo episode, yes, definitely. Which is why I question a lot of whether my cycle has swung up, or is it my imagination. If it swings into mania though (which thankfully isn’t often), all bets are off. I think it’s because I don’t have any relief from it that I don’t have any awareness it’s happening until I crash hard. 

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I get tired after a run of sleeping 3hrs/night. (The first nights you wake up more energized, not less). But I'm basically in long-term remission with mild symptoms.

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1 hour ago, xheimlich said:

I get tired after a run of sleeping 3hrs/night. (The first nights you wake up more energized, not less). But I'm basically in long-term remission with mild symptoms.

except for once or twice..maybe 3 times, that's generally my breaking point too.

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Sometimes, yeah. They usually last a few hours when I can function, at most a day. Or I have days where I'm more or less elevated and it just goes up and down. 

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I have pauses.

I have had such pauses that I've been discharged on them only to wind up back in the er a few days later with full blown symptoms (and then again, again).

delorean

I guess I have the ability to: simulate normalcy while completely crazy.  "passing" might be another way of putting it. it's either a pausing or a masking, or both.

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