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Had a major breakdown last night?


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Couldn't fall asleep as usual, got out of bed, took .75 of xanax, layed back down and bam, the what if's started.  What if xanax stops working, what if I'll never sleep again, what if I can't take care of my kids, what it....

I got my ass back out of bed, did some crying, some dark thoughts of wanting to die and never go through all this drama again, finally took .75 more of xanax and thank God finally went to sleep.

Doesn't sound all that bad but for me it was MAJOR TRAUMA - I'm doing all the "right" things, taking my Zoloft, watching the caffine, talk therapy, trying hypnotherapy, meditation, - if feel like I'm being punished!

I really need some help.

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Couldn't fall asleep as usual, got out of bed, took .75 of xanax, layed back down and bam, the what if's started.  What if xanax stops working, what if I'll never sleep again, what if I can't take care of my kids, what it....

I got my ass back out of bed, did some crying, some dark thoughts of wanting to die and never go through all this drama again, finally took .75 more of xanax and thank God finally went to sleep.

Doesn't sound all that bad but for me it was MAJOR TRAUMA - I'm doing all the "right" things, taking my Zoloft, watching the caffine, talk therapy, trying hypnotherapy, meditation, - if feel like I'm being punished!

I really need some help.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kris, I don't know if this will help, as it is in the *philosophical realm*, but; I have never been afraid of nightime of the dark or anything like that.

Having said that; after my husband died, nights were horrific in terms of my mind fucks. The pain was ginormous. The anxiety could not be beaten down with benzos, etc.

I make these reports to my mom daily, early on, but at one point she said to me,

"Honey, this is bad, and it's gonna be bad for awhile and EVERYTHING that is bad, is worse at night."

Fast-forward 4 years, I still have difficulty at night. I don't go to bed until I KNOW I will go to sleep right away, still on benzos, and the later it gets the more freaked out at get for no specific reasons. But I just keep remembering, "everything is worse (scarier) at night." And pray for light, pray for the dawn. I especially hate when I wake up at 4 or 5 and know I'm not going back to sleep and just have to WAIT for the daylight to come. I get out of bed at that point, and usually come here.

On a physiological level, maybe you need your meds tweaked? Are you seeing a tdoc? Have you had a stressful recent event? Job loss, divorce, etc. BTW, I love that list of 20 most stressful events of life and how the weight them. Who comes up with this shit anyway?

Listening...

S9

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Kris, remember the mantra - try to convert those what if's to so what's.  Ignoring this line of thought (the anticipatory anxiety) generally feeds off itself making you feel better, just as focusing on these thoughts can really wear you down.

I hope you feel much better soon...

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Kris, remember the mantra - try to convert those what if's to so what's.  Ignoring this line of thought (the anticipatory anxiety) generally feeds off itself making you feel better, just as focusing on these thoughts can really wear you down.

I hope you feel much better soon...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

YES!  I remember you mentioning this mantra in earlier posts.  I think it's a great way to look at things and has helped me out a number of times.  So thanks Chimp!

Kris, try to look at things from this perspective, who knows, it just may help! ;)

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