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Does anyone ever feel like a fraud? Like you don't have MI. Never had. Just dramatic; it was never that severe?

Like you know the episodes happened, but there's no way they could have? Was all my imagination.

Placing this here because of my mood disorder unspecified dx, but please move if it is more appropriate to the BP forum as this is a BP themed video.

I'm guessing it applies to all MI however.

 

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I was thinking about this very thing earlier today, before my appointment with my new psychiatrist. I guess I was worrying that the new psychiatrist might somehow "see through" my problems and think it's all made up. (In reality, he took me very seriously and was great.) I was thinking things like "what if I'm diagnosed treatment resistant/nothing has worked well before because I'm not actually depressed? What if I'm just a horrible person with a shitty attitude? What if I'm just a lazy slob?" etc etc. I suppose these thoughts in themselves are representative of depression being there.

/shrug

I really am a lazy slob though, lol. And I'm a pretty shitty person half of the time.

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I feel like this all the time. Thankfully, I have neurotypical friends who when I ask if this or that is normal, they reassure me that none of it is normal....at all. It's easy to feel like a fraud, but we have serious illnesses.

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Unfortunately, way too many crystal clear memories of episodes, so I don’t feel like a fraud per se, but in times of stability, very much have the thinking of “well, guess that’s over with, my brain healed, let’s get on with life”. So, almost like a present day fraud maybe, like that it happened, but I’m cured now, so why do I still have these dx’s?  But then my brain usually goes “no”, BAM! 

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Yes, definitely.

Though after I was hospitalized in 2013, they put in my chart that I was malingering. All I was doing was talking about recent traumatic experiences. Thinking about it now, that's probably the major reason why I haven't worked through that trauma yet, 6 years later.

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I tend to feel more like a fraud when I'm at my sickest. Like I'm just being dramatic with all these impulses to kill myself that I tell my Pdoc about. That my self injury impulses are attention-seeking (even though I don't generally act on them, so there's no real pay off if that were my motive). Can't move off the couch? Lazy sack of shit. Mixed episode? Bad temperament. I think I have more perspective about it and am more forgiving of myself when I'm more well. 

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Thanks everyone, it's good (but actually not good) to hear that I'm not the only one and this isn't some offshoot youtube nonsense.

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i worry a lot that i've made the whole thing up, that it was never as bad as i acted like it was, that i'm just a pissbaby who can't tolerate feeling down sometimes. it's a big source of stress for me... i see a new pdoc on the 22nd, and i feel like she's going to look at me and say, "would you quit wasting my time when there are people who actually need help?"

sigh. it's hard.

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Years ago I was basically told that so I’m afraid of it now. I try not to seem like a whiner. But I think I do have issues. 

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I went ahead and asked my pdoc today.

He said it wasn't uncommon. Which i guess is between common and uncommon?

It's also a major reason why people go off their meds outside of tolerability issues.

well then.

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