Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

But, how can I tell when getting to know someone, if my feelings are valid, or due to my abandonment pain? 

(Run on sentence 😳)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Really good question. Could be a combo of both? Hard to say without knowing the situation. what kinds of feelings are you having? Fear, anxiety, anger? Is there a way to write down your thoughts/feelings and then question them, check the facts? Being an emotional person myself, I tend to view everything though an emotional (versus objective) lens sometimes I need to step back and see whether I'm reading into someone's behavior too much. Sometimes I'm overreacting and it's just "my stuff" that's playing a factor.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think your feelings are valid either way, but I think I know what you mean. Maybe stop to consider, really honestly, how that person is treating you? Are they trying to get close to you really quickly (maybe that feels good to you, but it isn't always the healthiest thing)? Are they kind to you (and to other people around them)? Are they seeming to hold you at arms length or send mixed messages, so that you don't know where you stand with them? I know that may seem contradictory with the are they trying to get close to you quickly question, but I think there's a happy medium of getting to know someone with whom you have an easy rapport, who isn't playing around with you but also isn't coming on too strong and ignoring healthy boundaries. If someone important to you were involved with this person, what would you tell them? Would any alarm bells be going off for you at how they're treating your loved one or how fast things are moving? Sometimes it's important to take a step back and make an effort to think about things objectively, as hard as that is to do.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Really good question. Could be a combo of both? Hard to say without knowing the situation. what kinds of feelings are you having? Fear, anxiety, anger? Is there a way to write down your thoughts/feelings and then question them, check the facts? Being an emotional person myself, I tend to view everything though an emotional (versus objective) lens sometimes I need to step back and see whether I'm reading into someone's behavior too much. Sometimes I'm overreacting and it's just "my stuff" that's playing a factor.

Well, on occasion I meet someone that I'm really drawn to who also expresses the same feeling. It seems mutual. Then something happens for example, he says he'd like to see me with my hair up wearing heels. I'm a jeans and tee shirt girl so I freaked out. He also wants to text/talk a lot. I'm a recluse outside of work.

So I'm emotionally stunted and can't decipher what's what

1 hour ago, Unstrung Harp said:

I think your feelings are valid either way, but I think I know what you mean. Maybe stop to consider, really honestly, how that person is treating you? Are they trying to get close to you really quickly (maybe that feels good to you, but it isn't always the healthiest thing)? Are they kind to you (and to other people around them)? Are they seeming to hold you at arms length or send mixed messages, so that you don't know where you stand with them? I know that may seem contradictory with the are they trying to get close to you quickly question, but I think there's a happy medium of getting to know someone with whom you have an easy rapport, who isn't playing around with you but also isn't coming on too strong and ignoring healthy boundaries. If someone important to you were involved with this person, what would you tell them? Would any alarm bells be going off for you at how they're treating your loved one or how fast things are moving? Sometimes it's important to take a step back and make an effort to think about things objectively, as hard as that is to do.

I think that I'm a princess Adam refer to it each time I need someone new! 

I NEVER would have considered any of this. Thank you! 💜

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...