Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

My problem is I can't move on with life until "it's fixed"

I think this is part of my OCD problems, I prioritize things in my mind with obsessing about them, and if the depression is still present I can't really focus or do anything else with my life so I shut down.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm well aware that I have chronic, severe, treatment-resistant depression. That has been true for the majority of my life and the entirety of my adult life. I have no hope that any medication or treatment exists or will be found that will "cure" it.

I suppose I must have some hope that there are still options that might mitigate some of the pain. That's a fluctuating value though, on a diminishing trend.

I fully expect that I will die by suicide. I don't currently have intent, but that fluctuates too (hourly, at times).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Accepting it means to me realizing that there is no cure and to come to terms with the fact that I will suffer my entire life with this. However, this does not mean that I can't do anything about it. The key is management. You find the meds that work the best for you. They are likely not to work 100% but you have to learn to deal with the residual depression and to find some joy in life in spite of it,.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, jt07 said:

Accepting it means to me realizing that there is no cure and to come to terms with the fact that I will suffer my entire life with this. However, this does not mean that I can't do anything about it. The key is management. You find the meds that work the best for you. They are likely not to work 100% but you have to learn to deal with the residual depression and to find some joy in life in spite of it,.

This. You can't fix a problem that you don't think you have.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Accepting that you have Depression is the same as giving a name to the thing that afflicts you. And to know the name of something is to have power over it. Acceptance allows you to focus your thought and energy on what is known about the problem, and to narrow your choice of actions down to those that are recognized to have a positive effect. If you don't accept your illness - if you vascillate about its nature and its causes - you scatter your mental and physical resources when you need them the most.

Depression cannot be cured, but it can be treated, and some people achieve remission. Not everyone (35+ effervescent years of treatment-resistant depression suggest that I may not one of the lucky ones :brooding:) but even the most profoundly affected can find some relief of symptoms.

Take the proverbial bull by its proverbial horns.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People have brought up different elements of acceptance in the conversation. There are pieces that I use and find useful. I avoid feeling resentment or self-pity about having depression in the first place. Those can be an enormous energy drain that don't give anything in return. I also expect that I'll have to deal with depression in the future and that I'll need to manage my mental health for the rest of my life. This reduces future anger or disappointment when a cure doesn't happen.

On 7/10/2019 at 6:43 PM, climber47 said:

I feel like if I could really accept this depression, maybe I could stop trying to outrun it. I’m not even quite sure what that looks like, but I’m so tired of the constant battle in my head, it feels like denial.

If a fighting mentality feels like it's an energy drain, it makes a lot of sense to try something different. That approach has always looked a lot like buddhism to me, but I'm saying that from the outside since it's the part I don't do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, Hopelessly Broken said:

They might sound amoral and ridiculous, but they are also true factually. Morality is a personal thing, not necessarily factual. Suffering is also a personal affair, furthermore it is a human affair. Every single one of us experiences suffering and it is futile to compare yours or to label it as something other than part of the human condition. 

I didn't say they weren't true. I asserted that they lost effectiveness after a few years for me since they didn't overall reduce the enormous amount of suffering I experience. 

Of course we all suffer. But I know what's it's like to live without severe depression, and with severe depression. The suffering you experience living with TRD is constant and orders of magnitudes more than the intermittent suffering that a Normal/relatively healthy person encounters. This is one of the reason that people with depression are orders of magnitude more likely to kill themselves than people without depression, for instance.

Hence my question remains - what are you supposed to do when you can't stand the suffering? And the answer I've arrived at is "there's nothing you can do, so just suffer". Or end the suffering yourself.

Edited by sming
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, sming said:

I didn't say they weren't true. I asserted that they lost effectiveness after a few years for me since they didn't overall reduce the enormous amount of suffering I experience. 

Of course we all suffer. But I know what's it's like to live without severe depression, and with severe depression. The suffering you experience living with TRD is constant and orders of magnitudes more than the intermittent suffering that a Normal/relatively healthy person encounters. This is one of the reason that people with depression are orders of magnitude more likely to kill themselves than people without depression, for instance.

Hence my question remains - what are you supposed to do when you can't stand the suffering? And the answer I've arrived at is "there's nothing you can do, so just suffer". Or end the suffering yourself.

You're replying to me as if I am not also treatment resistant. You've experienced one thing I have not, you know what it is like to not have severe depression. I do not. Mine has never lifted ever since I developed it. 

Yes, it is true that healthy people only experience suffering intermittently. But a spade is a spade, and the way you communicate about your affliction impacts it. If something ought not need a label, there is no reason to give it one to magnify or reduce it in attempt of gaining validation. Hence why I said it is futile to compare suffering. 

Yes, it is one of the reasons we are more likely to kill ourselves. It is not however a guarantee that we will. Suffering is a guarantee.

I am not trying to undermine your suffering. Merely suggesting that you reconsider how you communicate and think about it, and stop adding fuel to the fire before you burnout. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, sming said:

Hence my question remains - what are you supposed to do when you can't stand the suffering? And the answer I've arrived at is "there's nothing you can do, so just suffer". Or end the suffering yourself.

Sming - What you do when the suffering threatens to overwhelm you is find a way to place the suffering in context. Find an explanation or reason why the suffering must take place. The answer will be as varied as the individual sufferer. For instance, I believe that nothing in the Universe happens without a reason, even if I don’t or can’t comprehend that reason at the moment. I also believe that suffering shapes us as people, refining our character in the was a crucible refines ore. I suffer for a reason, and I can accept that. Perhaps you can discover your own rationale.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Might I suggest looking into DBT therapy ? It’s very valuable therapy for suffering and emotion regulation helping to avoid bringing on more pain and/or suffering. I think it could really help. I hope you feel better. 

18 hours ago, sming said:

Hence my question remains - what are you supposed to do when you can't stand the suffering? And the answer I've arrived at is "there's nothing you can do, so just suffer". Or end the suffering yourself.

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've asked my counsellor about this a couple of times, and she's helped me a lot but she just looks at me uncomprehendingly when I mention it. It's a part of me, and it probably always will be, but I can't make peace with it so what do I do with this shit? Denying it means denying who I am, which makes me feel numb and empty, but how the hell do accept this crap? I've tried hating everything and everyone but I can't keep it up because I'm too nice. Fuck everything and everyone! Nothing matters and you can all go fu... Oh sorry! Did I step on your toe? It was an accident and I hope I didn't hurt you. You're ok? God I'm so sorry. Yeah I'm a nihilist and I don't care about anything or anyone. (I do though.)

I've always thought that it's not OK to feel this way. Too much of a contrast between my good and bad moods to be a coherent individual. Is it OK? It can make you feel like you're a terrible person having all these dark and miserable thoughts, but I can't remember doing anything to hurt anyone because I'd be overcome with guilt if I did. Having to fight against yourself makes you feel like less than half a person. Things would be so much better if we were both on the same team. Go team me! Fuck you! No fuck you! Fuck you with bells on! Well fuck you a million times! Yeah my brain is a battlefield, though fuck knows what we're fighting for.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Has anyone here either been prescribed/tried  CNS stimulant meds (e.g.  Adderall, Vyvanse, etc.), Modafinil (PROVIGIL), Tramadol (synthetic opioid pain med widely prescribed off-label in several European countries for TRD), undergone ECT, or looked into receiving Ketamine injections for their TRD?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Messenger99 said:

Has anyone here either been prescribed/tried  CNS stimulant meds (e.g.  Adderall, Vyvanse, etc.), Modafinil (PROVIGIL), Tramadol (synthetic opioid pain med widely prescribed off-label in several European countries for TRD), undergone ECT, or looked into receiving Ketamine injections for their TRD?

Stimulant (ritalin) yes. In fact although it's pooping out, it has been the only med that touches anhedonia, lack of interest & motivation (a huge part of my depression when severe episodes subside). Lamictal helps maintain stabilization, but it doesn't have enough kick to pull me out of the pit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Messenger99 said:

Has anyone here either been prescribed/tried  CNS stimulant meds (e.g.  Adderall, Vyvanse, etc.), Modafinil (PROVIGIL), Tramadol (synthetic opioid pain med widely prescribed off-label in several European countries for TRD), undergone ECT, or looked into receiving Ketamine injections for their TRD?

Yes to all of the above. I’ve taken Vyvanse daily for years due to co-morbid ADHD (off currently as I try Emsam, an MAOI - not my first MAOI).

I haven’t tried Tramadol but I did try Suboxone (buprenorphine), off-label.

I tried TMS and had ECT 31 times over about 4-5 months.

I have had ketamine shots and ketamine IV infusion. IV ketamine was a game changer, but is not affordable outside of the clinical trial through which I received it.  For me, the shots had all the side effects and none of the benefits.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Messenger99 said:

Has anyone here either been prescribed/tried  CNS stimulant meds (e.g.  Adderall, Vyvanse, etc.)

Tried Adderall in the past.....But I built tolerance quickly to this one, until finally pdoc said she wouldn't go any higher, so I stopped it.

3 hours ago, Messenger99 said:

, Modafinil (PROVIGIL), 

Nope.....That one hasn't even been brought up

3 hours ago, Messenger99 said:

 Tramadol (synthetic opioid pain med widely prescribed off-label in several European countries for TRD), 

No.....Again, has never been mentioned by any of my pdocs.

3 hours ago, Messenger99 said:

 undergone ECT,

Too expensive for me to even try ECT or TMS.......It has been suggested by pdoc, and my insurance does cover them, but I just can't afford a co-pay of around 2000.....

3 hours ago, Messenger99 said:

or looked into receiving Ketamine injections for their TRD?

Ketamine not covered by my insurance at all....Ghastly expensive, I could never afford it.

Also, my current pdoc is not comfortable with prescribing MAOIs.......Maybe she doesn't have much experience with using them for TRD cases like mine.....

Edited by CrazyRedhead

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Provided below are links relevant to all the aforementioned modalities.

It is possible to research & locate progressive/non-conformist, empathetic & compassionate psychiatrists who WILL prescribe Tramadol for TRD in the U.S. based on documentable history of a patient’s failure to respond to &/or experiencing intolerable side-effects from numerous attempts with multiple typical/standard anti-depressants. I HAVE successfully researched & located same in past via internet resources & will post results when I can.

Stimulant medications often work when typically-prescribed meds or other treatments prove futile.

There are a limited number of clinics offering Ketamine infusions/injections throughout the U.S., some seeking TRD subjects for discounted or free trial administration per my understanding.

Non-medicinal brain-stimulation treatments are often remarkable, though not always.

I ALSO NEGLECTED TO MENTION A GROUNDBREAKING SURGICAL TREATMENT (VNS—VAGUS NERVE STIMULATION), also linked below. Obviously, this is a last resort, but success rates are PROMISING.

I urge you to read in detail & consider pursuing any or all of these meds/treatments (NOTE—THESE ARE NOT IN ANY PARTICULAR ORDER):

CNS STIMULANT MEDS

Begin with Vyvanse, then try Adderall. KEEP TRYING OTHER MEDS IN SAME CLASS.

TRAMADOL (ULTRAM)

https://www.drugs.com/comments/tramadol/for-depression.html

https://www.drugs.com/comments/tramadol/for-depression.html

MODAFINIL (PROVIGIL)

https://www.drugs.com/comments/modafinil/https://www.newsweek.com/why-ketamine-antidepressant-1391643


KETAMINE INFUSION, INJECTION, & ***NOW AVAILABLE AS NASAL SPRAY***

https://www.newsweek.com/why-ketamine-antidepressant-1391643

ECT

https://labblog.uofmhealth.org/industry-dx/ect-emerges-as-cost-effective-for-treatment-resistant-depression


https://www.bbrfoundation.org/content/cloud-has-been-lifted-what-deep-brain-stimulation-tells-us-about-depression-and-depression

VNS

https://www.webmd.com/depression/vagus-nerve-stimulation

TMS

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/about/pac-20384625






 



 




 

 

 

 

 

 




 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

did you miss the responses where people said that either they had tried them or didn't have the financial ability to?

I appreciate the info, but it seems a bit off in conjunction with the answers you got.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Messenger99, I see you're new here - welcome to CrazyBoards. Please take some time to look around and familiarize yourself with the boards. You'll find that many people here have been struggling with MI (mental illness) for a long time and community-wide we have tried or investigated most if not all common on- and off-label treatments for most common MI.

That's not to say we know everything! We're interested in each other's experiences both of MI and of various treatments, and of course information about cutting-edge research, etc. Please feel free to start posts seeking information about others' experiences, and/or sharing your own.

That said, it's not generally good board etiquette to jump in and derail someone else's thread. The OP, @climber47, was not seeking advice about treatments - and in fact, they have tried many non-traditional options and shared their journey with us, which you would find if you did a search on the boards for some of the treatment options you list. Beyond that, your second response - as @dancesintherain noted - was not very helpful, given the responses you'd received to your initial query.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...