Bad Therapists: 100 ways to lose a client....RANT

[Blahblah]

I regret not dropping this tdoc after the 2nd session. There are great therapists and terrible ones....just because they have a PhD and experience, doesn't make them brilliant or amazing. Who's on your bad therapist list? The patronizing, blaming, insensitive ones? Or ones that don't listen, understand, or communicate clearly? They make assumptions, judgements, no clue.

I kept my cool, dignity and respect, despite getting shut down with an earful of patronizing comments (obviously trying to trigger me or chase me out of the clinic, one of the two). Invalid assumptions about me, none of which resonated at all, not true to my experience and dude left me no space to interject. Simply expressing disagreement with him means I'm "oppositional" Hmm. OK.

2nd session was told I have a "lack of commitment and effort" toward my mental health. How insulting, great. Are you f&cking kidding me? 20 years of therapy, loads of self-help, discipline, hospitalizations, med compliant, healthy lifestyle. I've DONE a lot of work. Stuck with all therapists consistently. I keep going and continue to try. WHY ELSE WOULD I PAY AND COME SEE YOU 6 TIMES?

The reply....."(gives exaggerated sigh) Obviously, you've never had any therapists that have challenged you before, they probably let you talk... this is why you haven't recovered. I'm experienced, LOADS of my clients fully recover in 3-6 months"   How presumptuous, you know nothing of my previous therapists or me yet, maybe I'm not like "all your clients."  🙄 

[Edit : Endnote] The session ended on a most dis-empowering note. He said (with a pity look in eyes) "Maybe you won't and can't get any better, or change, maybe you should give up, you shouldn't even try...."  I have never in my life had a therapist encourage me to give up and not try.

In fact, that comment is exactly what pushes a vulnerable client AWAY from seeking help. A client like me, who has struggled with decades of hopelessness. Thanks for nothing insensitive asshat.

Many ways to lose a therapy client. End of Rant.

 

Edited July 20, 2019 by Blahblah
Added endnote

[argh]

My first therapist after getting back on treatment effectively said that i was wasting her time. I stayed the fuck away from therapy for over a year.

Edited July 19, 2019 by argh

[Rabbit37]

My latest therapist has been seeing me for most of since 2007. He’s that good. But the one prior to him, omg. I RAN from that office, don’t know how I lasted six months. He had seen me rock bottom, and I wound up on 7 meds by the end. Oh, sorry, he was a combo p/tdoc... DON’T ever see one of those! Anyway, it was bad enough that he was a trump lookalike, complete with bad toupee (and this was 12 years ago, imagine my horror today), but even after damn near being hospitalized (I was adamant I couldn’t go), his advice? “You need to find joy in washing the dishes”. 

I only remember my head exploding. Thank god I found my current one. 

I recently looked him up... waaaay bad reviews online. And I left another 😁

Edited July 19, 2019 by Rabbit37

[Blahblah]

9 minutes ago, argh said:

My first therapist after getting back on treatment effectively said that i was wasting her time. I stayed the fuck away from therapy for over a year.

What a b*tch. Yeah I guess it's their cop out way to get someone to go elsewhere. My hypothesis is that they do this to individuals with a history, certain chronic issues aren't "easy" or "temporary" enough for them... Some tdocs will only do a total of 8 sessions max. Less complicated. Get 'em in & out....$$$$. How's that for "commitment" to the individual....Some people really aren't cut out to be therapists.

Edited July 19, 2019 by Blahblah

[Blahblah]

7 minutes ago, Rabbit37 said:

 But the one prior to him, omg. I RAN from that office, don’t know how I lasted six months. He had seen me rock bottom, and I wound up on 7 meds by the end. Oh, sorry, he was a combo p/tdoc... DON’T ever see one of those! Anyway, it was bad enough that he was a trump lookalike, complete with bad toupee (and this was 12 years ago, imagine my horror today), but even after damn near being hospitalized (I was adamant I couldn’t go), his advice? “You need to find joy in washing the dishes”. 

I only remember my head exploding. Thank god I found my current one. 

I recently looked him up... waaaay bad reviews online. And I left another 😁

OMG. Unbelievable. Tdocs are in the position to help extremely vulnerable (and unstable) individuals. Individuals that could be only 1 offhand remark away from taking their own life. It's sickening, the lack of sensitivity. These sorts of experiences are exactly what drive people AWAY from therapy.

[sugarsugar]

I won’t even go into my stories, it’ll just make me frustrated. I certainly had one insist I was being defiant and resistant because I wouldn’t believe what she was telling me about my life, she got so angry with me I quit going without any discussion, just didn’t go. And I’ve been told some pretty blaming type things. And useless advice—just do things you enjoy, get out, make friends, be active and enjoy life, then you won’t be depressed. Really, I paid money for that?  I guess some places, anyone can call themselves a therapist. 

[jarn]

I've said it in another thread, but in my very first session with a (trainee) therapist, I said one of my goals of therapy was to deal with being raped.  He asked if I could tell him about it so I did and he fainted.  Twice.  

I helped him up, made sure he was okay both times, left, called my mom and we had a good laugh at his expense.  

Oh and by email when I told him I wouldn't be coming back as I felt the session became more about him (because he kept fucking FAINTING) he said 'Well therapy is a journey we take together' like fuck off buddy

[BrianOCD]

I kind of gave up on therapy, and rely on meds (don't suggest you do it)

But for me personally I never had much success in "talking things out" and I went through a lot of therapists.  It was just the same chit chat every week and I only mildly felt better after it.  Problem is I just can't and don't expect a therapist to be able to fix my situation, I have to do that, and the closest I've come to that usually is with the helps of medications.

But ya I've had some bad ones that I just walked away from cause it was clear they were in for the hour and check.  Finding a therapist that truly cares is like finding a needle in a haystack cause so many of them now have gone through hundreds of patients.

Edited July 20, 2019 by BrianOCD

[Blahblah]

22 hours ago, sugarsugar said:

 I certainly had one insist I was being defiant and resistant because I wouldn’t believe what she was telling me about my life, she got so angry with me I quit going without any discussion, just didn’t go. And I’ve been told some pretty blaming type things. And useless advice—just do things you enjoy, get out, make friends, be active and enjoy life, then you won’t be depressed. Really, I paid money for that?  I guess some places, anyone can call themselves a therapist. 

Useless advice. If i wanted generic advice I'd read a self-help book or articles online. "Do things you enjoy" Ha...what a concept! If I enjoyed things and wasn't depressed I wouldn't be coming to seek help from you. Oh yeah, and the getting out, being healthy & active, distracting, etc DONE THAT. What else ya got?

21 hours ago, jarn said:

I've said it in another thread, but in my very first session with a (trainee) therapist, I said one of my goals of therapy was to deal with being raped.  He asked if I could tell him about it so I did and he fainted.  Twice.  

I helped him up, made sure he was okay both times, left, called my mom and we had a good laugh at his expense.  

Oh and by email when I told him I wouldn't be coming back as I felt the session became more about him (because he kept fucking FAINTING) he said 'Well therapy is a journey we take together' like fuck off buddy

This is the most bizarrely weird story I've heard! I was totally expecting to read about some horrible, victim blaming comment...but he just...kept fainting? 😂 So random! Do you think it was fake?

 

14 hours ago, BrianOCD said:

I kind of gave up on therapy, and rely on meds (don't suggest you do it)

But for me personally I never had much success in "talking things out" and I went through a lot of therapists.  It was just the same chit chat every week and I only mildly felt better after it.  Problem is I just can't and don't expect a therapist to be able to fix my situation, I have to do that, and the closest I've come to that usually is with the helps of medications.

I'm at this point myself. Note, in no way do I expect a Therapist to "fix" me..progress requires effort on both sides. But considering the fact I'm often paying $100-150 per session (out of pocket) for a trained, experienced professional, I would hope to at least receive some insights or other helpful/novel strategies, and at minimum, someone with empathy, good listening/communication skills, attentiveness, encouragement. You're right: Talk therapy should not just be all about mundane, how'd your week go chit-chats.

It is like a needle in haystack thing.. I either get the ones that are just about chit-chat - or others that perceive through their own biased view, put me in a category within 1 session and then rigidly stick to their cookie-cutter method.

[argh]

Mine was great until I got stable. Now what?

Do something you are passionate about.

Uhhh, mdd, bp or whatever I have...all my life.

I'm not quite sure how I go about that. It's only realizing the meaning of life for me...yeah.

[looking for answers]

1 hour ago, argh said:

Mine was great until I got stable. Now what?

Do something you are passionate about.

Uhhh, mdd, bp or whatever I have...all my life.

I'm not quite sure how I go about that. It's only realizing the meaning of life for me...yeah.

perhaps search for something your passionate about is a better phrase. And keep therapy to make sure ur on track, and have a safety net

[DammitJanet]

I’m having a hard time thinking of helpful things to say to people lately cause I’m scared it’ll just sound stupid, though I am reading everything ...but have to say, what a complete mf’ing asshole moronic idiot! Sorry you had to experience this asshole. 

Edited July 21, 2019 by DammitJanet

[Blahblah]

10 minutes ago, DammitJanet said:

I’m having a hard time thinking of helpful things to say to people lately cause I’m scared it’ll just sound stupid, though I am reading everything ...but have to say, what a complete mf’ing asshole moronic idiot! Sorry you had to experience this asshole. 

Nooooo...not stupid at all. I appreciate it. Thanks for your support DJ!  It was the last bit that infuriated me. In the end, I really feel like he was trying to protect his own ego. I think it hurt his ego that I didn't fit into his "box" and go through the motions of an approach (rigid DBT) that was clearly not working for me. He could've simply admitted that he may not be able to help me.

[jarn]

@Blahblah I don't THINK it was fake?  But honestly, I don't have a lot of experience with people fainting.  He fainted after standing the second time though so if he was faking he was good at hitting the deck so to speak (crumpling).  Weirdest therapy experience ever though, worse than the therapist who kept asking if I was thought broadcasting to her.  

[jarn]

OH!  And I had a trauma therapist ask me 'my sign'...I was like 'umm?'  After some clarification, I realised she meant astrological.  I was like 'Who the hell cares' but told her aquarius and she legit wrote it down and CIRCLED IT.  I had to bite my cheeks so that I didn't laugh in her face.  

[Blahblah]

6 hours ago, jarn said:

OH!  And I had a trauma therapist ask me 'my sign'...I was like 'umm?'  After some clarification, I realised she meant astrological.  I was like 'Who the hell cares' but told her aquarius and she legit wrote it down and CIRCLED IT.  I had to bite my cheeks so that I didn't laugh in her face.  

LOL.. strange, but sort of amusing at the same time. Maybe she's thinking, hmmm yep, those Aquarians, they really are all cuckoo. Maybe she charts out everyone's diagnosis and includes their astrological sign to see if there's a correlation 🤣   A reminder that some individuals that go into the psychology field are often drawn to it because they are totally neurotic, crazy or "out there" themselves...

I've also had some Narcissistic therapists and 1 woman who disclosed she was severely Bipolar in my first session with her. She was 60 and dressed like 20-something heading out to a nightclub (always an all black, short, tight minidress, red lipstick) told me her life story, when it was MY session. Can we say "lack of boundaries?"

Edited July 26, 2019 by Blahblah