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How do I change this mindset? Wanting someone to “fix” me

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I am not sure where to post,  move this to therapy if it is more appropriate , please.

i don’t lose time, maybe briefly. I have fragments that don’t come out anymore.  I have some sort of dissociative disorder, not did.

but, I feel like my mind is broken and I want a “mechanic” to make it function properly.

i had a tdoc who really understood me and I felt he could really help.  He stopped taking insurance so I went elsewhere.  I tried seeing him again, paying out of pocket, but he was not like I remembered.  My memory is fuzzy sometimes.

i had some dissociative tests done and that tdoc asked specific questions about childhood.  He seems really good but does not take my insurance.  I asked him for recommendations but they did not pan out.

i like my. Tdoc now, but she is retiring in December.  She has helped me to feel emotions rather than going numb.  I still have trouble sitting with uncomfortable feelings but I am better than before.  She has not “fixed” anything, but I don’t even know if that is possible.

i went to a different tdoc to check her out.  She seems fine.  I just don’t know what I want. She said as my mental health improves, I won’t feel broken.

I rely on others for calming and I am not sure what I am going to do to deal with distressing symptoms when tdoc is gone.

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so, you're asking how to transition to self-soothing/self-calming from being predominantly reliant on others for that presently, yes? i can share things that help me/us, and this is with or without a tdoc to go to (tdoc-less at the moment). keep in mind these suggestions and may or may not work.

breathing: i set the timer on my phone to go off four times/day so i can pause and breath/meditate/pray, wherever we are, whatever we're doing: deep breath in for 4 counts/hold for 4 counts/exhale for 4 counts/pause 4 counts and then on to the next breath. while breathing, we imagine inhaling the bad things and exhaling good, positive things to the world.

i find looking at good photographs very relaxing, so i have several blogs bookmarked for just that: their photos. i take 10 minutes in the morning and/or evening to look at a few photos and take in some beauty, relax my mind.

we learned to knit for this reason: handiwork is calming. is there anything you can do or learn to do like that?

taking a walk, even short ones frequently, are helpful.

i hope this helps some.

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I'm afraid I have this same problem. Been going around in circles with therapists, different methods, etc. I feel like no matter what I do, I never really improve significantly and I've been struggling for more than 20 years.

I try different coping mechanisms, but if I am in a particularly depressed or exhausted state, I just can't do them or they don't work. I have difficultly self-soothing and escaping my feelings of emptiness or despair..I'm too reliant on others and experts to help me. I guess I need to try more little things when I cant do the "big things" if that makes sense.

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y'all, focusing on the little things is the only way i know how to get through, well, anything, tbh. and those suggestions we made up there? took years to actually solidify into "ah-ha" moments of what to do; so please don't take on any shame or blame.

i really think the main thing that began these small realizations was answering "what do i/we really want?" so we wrote a list, with anything and everything (actual possibilities and things that probably wouldn't happen and things that couldn't happen because: reality). we either revised the list or wrote a new one every-so-often (pick whatever time frame you like; 3 months is good to see if something is effective or not). the next thing we did was look for small ways we could make our some of the things on our list happen right now. for us, that meant things like finding a decent store-brand of peppermint tea to drink everyday; setting up a bird feeder and starting to ID the birds; growing some herbs in containers; getting rid of blue jeans in favor of corduroy pants (or wearing skirts); and lots of other small things implemented over the course of a year or so. all of these have added up to helping us feel more stable and centered on the Inside and isn't that the point?

y'all can do this too. start small; celebrate often and show yourselves lots of love. 

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