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confused

How involved is too much (choosing colleges)

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My son will be a senior in high school.  He took the ACT test last year and is starting to get notifications from different colleges.  He is an A/B student and I don’t think he can get into his first choice.  My daughter will be a senior in college when he is a freshman.  My husband is encouraging him to go to community college and transfer to his first choice because of the expense.  I am trying to get info on some of the other schools.

ultimately, it is his decision. Are we being too involved.  My son can speak and assert himself.  I just want to know various options.

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16 minutes ago, confused said:

My son will be a senior in high school.  He took the ACT test last year and is starting to get notifications from different colleges.  He is an A/B student and I don’t think he can get into his first choice.  My daughter will be a senior in college when he is a freshman.  My husband is encouraging him to go to community college and transfer to his first choice because of the expense.  I am trying to get info on some of the other schools.

ultimately, it is his decision. Are we being too involved.  My son can speak and assert himself.  I just want to know various options.

At this point it seems you are just bringing up options which to me does not equal being overinvolved.

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Actually I think it’s good to make sure all the decisions are well informed. If you present the information in a non biased way and he chooses, that’s still his own decision. As someone still in college- too many people get fixated on the “first choice” reach school. I am not saying people shouldn’t be ambitious, but If you come in with a first or bust mindset it can preclude you from looking at some other good options 

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well, as to “it’s his decision”... yes and no. You’re paying for it, I take it? Then yes, you get input. Education is so expensive, and I think he needs to hear from you any concerns or thoughts about his choices. And I think you need to hear his reasoning on why he’s choosing particular ones. He sounds like a smart kid, but that doesn’t mean they’re always capable of making adult decisions, and this is a biggie. 

My youngest will also be a senior in high school this year. She will be going to a community college first, but that’s her choice, I don’t think she’s ready for a major university. If she did come home this year and want to apply for one, there would be a lot of serious discussions.

A friend’s daughter will be a junior this year, but she’s already visited several colleges this summer. If you call ahead, they’ll likely have a guided tour of the campuses, so he can see firsthand what it looks like. He can also see the size of the dorm rooms, his classes, sample the foods available, and be informed about what kind of activities outside of classes that are available. That sounds kind of minor, but it really isn’t. It’ll be his daily life. 

Good luck. This is a nail-biting time! I’ve already been through it with my oldest. 

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Speaking from the perspective of someone who went to college with parents who were heavily involved (but not overwhelmingly so) in the decision making process, here's some things that we (my parents and I) did.

we made lots of lists- every dang thing you could think of... pros and cons, expenses associated with each school, financial aid options, majors I was thinking of studying, what schools were top choice/reach/safety net, lists of schools that I wanted to apply to

we did a lot of research into each school on my list- I went to the library and checked out all those guides for applying to schools and what schools had what majors. I spent a lot of time looking up info on the internet. I talked to friends that were attending some of the schools I was interested in. My parents had questions about each school and did their own research.

I won't lie, my parents and I had some arguments about schools/majors/all the stuff involved in choosing a college. 

Ultimately, as long as he feels comfortable with where he goes to school and what he's studying and he feels like he has your support, that's how you know you've all come to a good decision

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