Adapative or maladaptive?
2 members have voted
I am so very lost, angry, hurt, depressed, explosive, and drowning. I was put on latuda or my bipolar and depression acting up... I hate new meds for this reason. I started having my ptsd dreams again, ate everything in site and craved sugar omg terribly, have been depressed, cant color which i love to do, just wanna sleep, explosive anger, crying jags, hate life, nothing makes me happy, everything just sucks. Im so angry cause i feel like i did before i went on any meds, 20yr ago.
Im so confused i just feel like im grasping at air.. I was in the er the other night and they basically sent me home after giving my dose of larzapam i didn't take in the afternoon cause i doesn't help. My theory of it is it didn't help before the latuda what is gonna make it work coming off latuda or after off.. I remember why i drank now.. I didn't need to feel this then.. I want to drink so bad and wont cause I've been clean 6 yrs April will be 7 and i worked to hard to get here and refuse to prove others right. Im so so messed up i cant sleep cant watch TV cant color yet dont want to do any of the above either but if i dont sleep i hurt... has anyone felt this way.. It sux cause the battle to find meds to work will start tomorrow cause my liver doesn't process meds it flushes them out.. oh well sorry just needed to vent and hope someone can help
Ever since I was young I've always dreamed that I'd end up becoming rich and famous and become a well known celebrity or something. There's also other things that I dream that I could be like, such as being really beautiful and going on magical fantasy adventures where I travel to various places and stuff.
But the real world is a piece of shit and it's very likely that will never be the case. I'll never live in a mansion and be so famous that people make biographies and documentaries about my life and the things I've done that made me famous. I'll always be hideous and I'll never go on some fantastic quest or anything of the sort. I'll die without having accomplished anything meaningful.
Because I can't be things that I want, I don't like myself and see nothing good about myself. People try to convince that I'm not worthless and there are good things about me but none of those things really help anything in the end. I can't feel pride in them because I don't have the things I mentioned. I can only like myself if I live the life I've laid out above. I don't want to be anything else and can only feel truly happy and satisfied with my life if I'm like that..
What can I do? Is it possible to like myself despite the fact I'll never be who I truly want to be?
Hey I'm an aspiring writer struggling with motivation due to my depression and I keep hearing about various other writers, some of whom are famous still being able to keep up a decent work ethic despite of their disability. How do I become like them? Does anyone here got any advice?
My depression hasn't been severe lately. Mainly, I struggle daily with lingering apathy, lack of interest/motivation and low level depression (normal for me).
I've noticed lately, in trying to complete work/studies and meet deadlines, I've become more & more avoidant, procrastinating. For example, today I'll do everything EXCEPT focusing on any work/undesirable tasks. I slept in, didn't even shower...went online, spent HOURS searching for a particular kind/style of shoes, ordered random supplements...All things that are not important! I've even put off buying much needed groceries, laundry, going to the gym...and take afternoon naps instead.
Is this depression or am I just a sh*t lazy person? I feel really guilty about it. I need to constantly waste time in order to do like 10 minutes of work before bedtime! No intrinsic motivation...I really don't think this warrants adding meds, I want to be able to push through. Can anyone relate or have any suggestions? Other than just brute force?
I know it's not a competition in any way, with illness. But had a surprise when a friend messaged me to ask how I was doing. I replied &thanked her, said it was really nice to hear from her (particularly because I've been lonely, isolating myself, depression, etc). She literally responded with "Well, I got cancer so I'm sure it's worse than you..." That's all she wrote, no elaboration.
What would you make of this reply? I'm empathic, and assume she's hurting or afraid. (btw I don't know if she still has it, or successfully treated already)
I literally had no idea what was going on and I gave her support, told her I'm here for her for anything if she wants to talk, but in a way, I feel hurt, because of the way people with illnesses always "one up" and diminish each other, like experiencing one type of illness, trauma or pain is much worse than another?