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StriderEnglish

Episode or am I overthinking this?

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So I'm a college student and have been off for the summer since early May. I go back in a little more than a week. I have a job but usually don't work more than 32 hours a week with the average being 24-28 hours a week and I tend to work evenings (4-10PM is my most common shift). So basically what I'm saying is I've had a lot of unstructured time and a lot of room to screw around with my sleep schedule.

I was pretty stable up through early June until I went on vacation with my family (six hour ride in a car and no time zone change, and we were out there just under a week). I've heard travel can trigger hypo/manic symptoms but I don't know if what I did was enough to trigger something. 

Anyway, the day I left for vacation I started planning multiple elaborate stories with a friend of mine that I met through role playing. When I got home and back to my laptop I was churning out drawing after drawing related to them for almost a month straight. I was coming up with idea after idea for little plot details and was basically in creative turbodrive. I was staying up really late and for a stretch of a little over a week it got extreme enough to the point where I was sleeping every other night. I told all my other friends all about these stories and started up another project of a similar nature with another friend because I was so pumped about it. I created several new characters in that space of time. I was really active and distractible and I couldn't focus on anything other than these creative projects, often getting distracted at work thinking about the things I was going to draw related to them once I got home and straight up being so distracted I forgot to sleep or eat. It was pretty harmless overall though? I just drew a lot and talked a lot about OCs and probably annoyed my friends with talking about this stuff. This calmed down a little less than a month later, and I had about a week where I was pretty symptom-free (funny enough, the week when my pdoc visit fell; I don't have a tdoc because I can't afford one on top of the pdoc and school and I feel like meds are higher priority). But then shit got bad.

WARNING: There will be talk of self harm and drug abuse beyond this point, though it's pretty vague.

 

I wasn't sleeping again, for one, and was having another creative flight of ideas but on top of that I felt like shit and was very irritable. I relapsed in self harm after work one night and did it almost every night for two weeks (up to two nights without now), angrily going through details about my abuser and how he screwed me up emotionally to my friend and nearly sending myself into a panic attack, being extremely agitated, being unable to sleep but once I got to sleep I slept forever. I felt like I was going to burst with energy but in an uncomfortable way. I paced a lot, ranted, and abused caffeine and prescription medication (old painkillers that were from my sister's ear surgery) and went through my abuser's social media as sort of emotional self harm. After about 4-6 days, this kind of fizzled out into what kind of feels like just regular old depression.

 

So, did I entirely miss a hypomanic episode I should have told my pdoc about earlier this summer? Did I later end up with a mixed episode that slid into regular old depression? Might I need a med tweak when I go back to my pdoc in October?

I'm just saying that I don't feel the need to call my pdoc or anything because I'm not suicidal? Right now it's just the numb, empty sort of depression where you're bored all the time and anxious because you're not do anything but also don't have the energy to do anything.

I appreciate any and all answers!!

Edited by StriderEnglish

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Very much sounds like you went into a hypo mode, then slid into mixed. Definitely. 

You made the comment that it was overall pretty harmless... well, I guess if it didn’t end in life-altering events, like jail, you could say that. But it wasn’t harmless, because you ultimately crashed. Hopefully your depression won’t get worse. I wouldn’t necessarily say this sounds like an emergency call to pdoc, but if you can get an earlier appt (when is your next one?), I think that’d be wise. And yes, you need to tell him/her, maybe even print out your post, so they can see the whole picture. 

What would be worrisome is that you’ve had an episode (in my opinion, I’m not a dr), so there’s instability there, and you’re getting ready to go back to school. Depending on your courseload stress, that could throw you off too. Just trying to think ahead. 

But maybe the semester structure will be good. Good luck with it. 

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Yup. Call your doctor. Your doc needs to know about episodes like this. 

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22 hours ago, StriderEnglish said:

So I'm a college student and have been off for the summer since early May. I go back in a little more than a week. I have a job but usually don't work more than 32 hours a week with the average being 24-28 hours a week and I tend to work evenings (4-10PM is my most common shift). So basically what I'm saying is I've had a lot of unstructured time and a lot of room to screw around with my sleep schedule.

I was pretty stable up through early June until I went on vacation with my family (six hour ride in a car and no time zone change, and we were out there just under a week). I've heard travel can trigger hypo/manic symptoms but I don't know if what I did was enough to trigger something. 

Anyway, the day I left for vacation I started planning multiple elaborate stories with a friend of mine that I met through role playing. When I got home and back to my laptop I was churning out drawing after drawing related to them for almost a month straight. I was coming up with idea after idea for little plot details and was basically in creative turbodrive. I was staying up really late and for a stretch of a little over a week it got extreme enough to the point where I was sleeping every other night. I told all my other friends all about these stories and started up another project of a similar nature with another friend because I was so pumped about it. I created several new characters in that space of time. I was really active and distractible and I couldn't focus on anything other than these creative projects, often getting distracted at work thinking about the things I was going to draw related to them once I got home and straight up being so distracted I forgot to sleep or eat. It was pretty harmless overall though? I just drew a lot and talked a lot about OCs and probably annoyed my friends with talking about this stuff. This calmed down a little less than a month later, and I had about a week where I was pretty symptom-free (funny enough, the week when my pdoc visit fell; I don't have a tdoc because I can't afford one on top of the pdoc and school and I feel like meds are higher priority). But then shit got bad.

WARNING: There will be talk of self harm and drug abuse beyond this point, though it's pretty vague.

 

I wasn't sleeping again, for one, and was having another creative flight of ideas but on top of that I felt like shit and was very irritable. I relapsed in self harm after work one night and did it almost every night for two weeks (up to two nights without now), angrily going through details about my abuser and how he screwed me up emotionally to my friend and nearly sending myself into a panic attack, being extremely agitated, being unable to sleep but once I got to sleep I slept forever. I felt like I was going to burst with energy but in an uncomfortable way. I paced a lot, ranted, and abused caffeine and prescription medication (old painkillers that were from my sister's ear surgery) and went through my abuser's social media as sort of emotional self harm. After about 4-6 days, this kind of fizzled out into what kind of feels like just regular old depression.

 

So, did I entirely miss a hypomanic episode I should have told my pdoc about earlier this summer? Did I later end up with a mixed episode that slid into regular old depression? Might I need a med tweak when I go back to my pdoc in October?

I'm just saying that I don't feel the need to call my pdoc or anything because I'm not suicidal? Right now it's just the numb, empty sort of depression where you're bored all the time and anxious because you're not do anything but also don't have the energy to do anything.

I appreciate any and all answers!!

Unstability Often perpetuates more instability - I would call ASAP to try and figure out how to break the nasty cycle you are in, especially with school starting.

and BTW I am also College age and have delt with some stuff that sounds quite similar to what you described. 

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