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I do not like small talk, do you?

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2 hours ago, looking for answers said:

anxiety?

I actually make small talk in social situations cause I’m anxious and crazy to fill the silences.

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I guess it's a necessary first step to get to know someone. Where are you from? What do you do? You can't just jump in with existential questions about the meaning of life. A lot of it seems pointless though. I don't know what to say when someone talks about the weather. Chilly today isn't it? Yes. It is. I'm standing right next to you so we're both experiencing the same temperature and I honestly don't know what you want from me. I guess finding common ground with someone is a good way to make friends, but I'm not sure that pointing out the fucking obvious really counts. Wet today isn't it? Why yes it is! We have so much in common! Let's move in together.

There's also that mainstay of small talk - How are you today? Which many people with MI seem to hate because we can't answer honestly and just come out with the stock response of "I'm fine! How are you?" Although maybe like me you've sometimes thought of answering honestly, if just for a split second, before saying "I'm fine! How are you?"

Small talk is the human equivalent of dogs sniffing each other's arses.

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Unless I know you really well... I mean really really really well... I barely talk. Social gatherings are the bane of my existence, 

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2 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

I guess it's a necessary first step to get to know someone. Where are you from? What do you do? You can't just jump in with existential questions about the meaning of life.

I would be thrilled if someone began a conversation that way. I can do substantial talk. It’s the hello-how-are-you-I-am-fine protocol I have trouble running. I mean, what if I were honest?

Stranger: So, what do you do?

Me: That varies rather significantly from day to day. 

And so on.

I have dogs. They clearly get far more information and enjoyment out of sniffing each others’ asses than I get out of small talk.

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1 on 1 I do OK. Honestly rarely progress passed small talk. I could have known you for years, and still the bulk of our conversation would be "Is there anything better than potatoes with butter?"

 

Groups I can't do talk big or small. I tend to just insert an occasional smart arse comment in that situation. 

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3 hours ago, Hume's doona said:

 "Is there anything better than potatoes with butter?"

No. Duh. Although buttered popcorn is a winner, too.

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On 9/8/2019 at 2:07 AM, Gearhead said:

No. Duh. Although buttered popcorn is a winner, too.

And scones with butter. Preferably raisin scones and Irish butter. 

I think we are small talking here.

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2 hours ago, Unstrung Harp said:

I think we are small talking here.

Small writing. Much easier. 

Did you know that March 3rd is What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day?

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On 9/8/2019 at 3:57 AM, Hume's doona said:

1 on 1 I do OK. Honestly rarely progress passed small talk. I could have known you for years, and still the bulk of our conversation would be "Is there anything better than potatoes with butter?"

 

Groups I can't do talk big or small. I tend to just insert an occasional smart arse comment in that situation. 

I can't do groups either. Too easy to sit back and say nothing because everyone else probably has much more important and interesting things to say. They don't though. But it can be difficult to get a word in and I'll ponder whether what I have to say is really worth interjecting with, and by the time I've thought about it the conversation moved on through several different topics. Maybe 'anal halitosis' would've been a funny thing to say five minutes ago but now people are talking about something completely different, and you can't just blurt out 'anal halitosis' in any situation. Though personally I can't think of a situation where someone saying 'anal halitosis' wouldn't make me giggle.

But 1 on 1 is better. And 1 on 1 with another introvert is even better. A good thing about talking to fellow introverts is that you get to finish a fucking sentence without them talking over you. I mean I don't say much so you'd think everyone could just shut the fuck up for a minute and listen. Another good thing about introverts - they don't just say whatever comes into their heads but take a second to consider if it's actually a worthwhile thing to say. Taking a second is fine, but taking five minutes is probably too much. And maybe some people won't appreciate 'anal halitosis' in any situation.

I'm probably disproving my own argument by talking a load of shite. Potatoes with garlic butter.

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On 9/5/2019 at 8:41 PM, Unstrung Harp said:

I actually make small talk in social situations cause I’m anxious and crazy to fill the silences.

I hate small talk yet still do this when very feeling stressed.  It's like I'm  reverting to childhood when I was trained to  make conversation for guests.  Looking back, I wonder about the methods my parents used to teach their children.   Be polite and entertain  Mx. Whoever, or else. 

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2 hours ago, fantod said:

I hate small talk yet still do this when very feeling stressed.  It's like I'm  reverting to childhood when I was trained to  make conversation for guests.  Looking back, I wonder about the methods my parents used to teach their children.   Be polite and entertain  Mx. Whoever, or else. 

That makes sense. For me it's partly about filling silences. It makes me crazy if I'm stuck in a situation where nobody is talking and it seems uncomfortable. And if I sense the person I'm talking to is shy or has social anxiety, I'll try extra hard, because I somehow feel responsible for putting them at ease, because I can put on a facade of not having social anxiety in certain situations. But it's perfectly possible they just resent me for it.

 

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I think the Ents, with Old Entish, have the proper attitude about small talk:

"It is a lovely language, but it takes a very long time to say anything in it, because we do not say anything in it, unless it is worth taking a very long time to say, and to listen to." - Treebeard

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