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dancesintherain

Supporting someone who is grieving

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Anyone have suggestions for way to support someone who is grieving?  A friend of a friend’s grandmother is getting removed from life support tonight.  I don’t know my friend’s friend, so it’s more about supporting her while she supports all the grieving people.

that sounds a little circuitous and difficult to get.  How do I support someone who is connected to a grieving family when I am not myself part of the connection?

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Maybe just a text saying something like "I know the situation with X's grandmother must be emotionally exhausting and difficult for you too with trying to support them, so I'm just checking in to see how you're doing." And maybe follow up on the day of the funeral saying something like "Thinking of you and X's family." I feel like most people would appreciate a little check-in and acknowledgement that the situation is stressful and sad for them too. It's a little more ambiguous when the person you know is kind of less directly affected by the situation but still effected (it sounds like). 

Edited by Unstrung Harp
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the kindest thing anyone did for me while i was grieving after my dad died was bring food. a friend brought a big platter of deli meat and cheese and buns, and we just ate sandwiches for days. another brought us date squares. i really appreciated both.

it sounds like your friend is going to be taking on a heavy burden by supporting a grieving family. if you have time and ability, cooking dinner for her one day would probably be appreciated. soups are a good option because you can make a lot of food for not much effort or money. the best thing you can do for someone who's going through a hard time is giving them one less thing to worry about.

beyond that, check in on her, like harp said. it always helps to know people are thinking of you.

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Something I’ve read about, and have experienced firsthand, is that support is abundant immediately after the fact. Weeks later... crickets. Grieving takes time, and your friend might be their support for a while. I’d suggest just keep gently checking in. 

And food, yes. That’s nice. In disposable or leave-able containers, and something easy and fairly healthy (but cheesy is never turned down). And nothing terribly perishable. My dad had to throw out a bunch of salads after my mom died. 

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thanks Rabbit, lots of things to consider.  My friend and I talk pretty consistently, so I should hopefully be able to gauge things at least somewhat.

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I agree with food. Freezable is good, too. I took food to someone who had too much so he had to freeze my stuff for later. And I agree that after the memorial or whatever is over, people are just left hanging, so that’s a key time. I was happy just to have someone check in with me and let me talk and ramble on. 

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thanks sugarsugar.  key things to keep in mind. 

my friend and I are going to the beach on Saturday (it's a 2 hour drive, so it turns into her coming over Friday and probably staying overnight Saturday, so it's more like a beach weekend).  I confirmed that she was really still interested in going.

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