Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

I'm curious about other perspectives, from parents or not. My husband follows our kids (16 and 14) on Instagram. He showed me a picture my 16-year old recently posted to her account. It's a cute picture basically, but she's in a bikini top and leaning forward, and it's pretty revealing. Both of us were like ugh. I asked my 36-year-old niece if she'd seen it, and she said "Oh yeah," implying that it was kind of... attention grabbing even to people who weren't Harplet's parents. This kind of motivated me to dig up my Instagram password and follow her. She got like 250 likes on it, and when I read the comments, it's all girls commenting on how pretty she looks, with a couple of references to her being sexy. So I feel like I'm in a quandary. Cause part of me knows that this is pretty age appropriate behavior, but I also don't want her to be sending out signals that she doesn't mean to send which will be captured on social media. And I don't love the fact that all of her older cousins who follow her, and her really Catholic aunt, will likely be a little to a lot taken aback by this photo and that they're going to judge her (and possibly me, to be honest) for it. Myself, though I'm pretty prudish personally, I'm also pretty liberal as a parent in lots of ways, and recognize that there are a lot of bullshit double standards for girls including policing what they wear and shaming their bodies, so I am hesitant to be perceived by her to be doing that. And looking at the photo and the caption, I think she legitimately was not trying to put out "sexual" in this photo, at least not mostly, but it will definitely be perceived that way by some people, included a whole bunch of 16-year-old boys. Which is not really her problem, except that also it is. So I'm not sure if I should leave it alone, get her to she take it down, or talk to her about the potential messages she is sending in a way that is somehow affirming [which is a really difficult needle to thread] and leave the decision as to whether to take it down with her. Any thoughts appreciated, even if you don't have kids. Once again I am reminded that real kids are so much harder to raise than hypothetical kids, because I'm sure I would have been sure about how I'd have handled this before I had a sixteen-year-old. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In college No kids - I would go with option C to talk with her. An open discussion allows you to relay your concerns without giving her the feeling that you are just “shutting her down.” You can probably find a way to vocalize most of the converns you just listed... and I think the message of “you need to be careful of the image you create” is a totally legitimate sentiment from a parent of teenagers. If you are concerned, just letting it go may open up more problems down the road, but I also think that just shutting things down may also cause problems. Talking is usually the civil middle ground, and it may be good for her to hear these thoughts from you at this age regardless of Instagram.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/10/2019 at 10:02 PM, Iceberg said:

In college No kids - I would go with option C to talk with her. An open discussion allows you to relay your concerns without giving her the feeling that you are just “shutting her down.” You can probably find a way to vocalize most of the converns you just listed... and I think the message of “you need to be careful of the image you create” is a totally legitimate sentiment from a parent of teenagers. If you are concerned, just letting it go may open up more problems down the road, but I also think that just shutting things down may also cause problems. Talking is usually the civil middle ground, and it may be good for her to hear these thoughts from you at this age regardless of Instagram.

Thanks for your perspective, Iceberg. I appreciate it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

no kids (& getting close to the point of no return with that option): i second talking to her. when i was Harplet's age, i wish my parents (or at least one of them) had discussed things like that with me. Perhaps the key is to give knowledge (which is power, yes?) and help her see that you see her as firmly transitioning to (young) adult. Those are things that i would have responded to at 16 had my parents given me the chance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My niece started posting revealing photos on her account when she was around 14 and it made me raise my eyebrows a little. Double standards, sure, but I couldn’t help be a little taken aback when I saw. I probably did judge a little. Just my experience being the aunt who saw the photos.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don’t know how I missed this earlier. 

Have 17yo and 32yo daughters, and a 19yo son. I vote for having a serious discussion with her, and trying to get her to see the ramifications of publicly posting something like that. One thing that worries me about social media is that it can live forever on the internet. I don’t think kids really think that through when they post some eyebrow-raising stuff. Since there’s such a huge age gap in my kids, it really has been that I’ve raised my oldest in a completely different time, socially, and I can see the vast shift in perceptions with kids that are growing up with it now. It’s just not a big deal to them now. I hate to think how that might haunt them someday. 

I guess maybe future problems with these type of posts worries me more than present day perceptions, but that’s worrisome on its own too. 

Sorry, I feel like I’m struggling to make sense, I’m not feeling well today, my mind is mush. Bottom line I’m trying to say, keep the channel of communication open, definitely. Do talk with her. Forcing her to take it down would likely create a backlash from her, and that’s the last thing you’d want at this age. 

It’s a fucking mammoth job raising kids in today’s world. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/13/2019 at 10:55 AM, yarnandcats said:

no kids (& getting close to the point of no return with that option): i second talking to her. when i was Harplet's age, i wish my parents (or at least one of them) had discussed things like that with me. Perhaps the key is to give knowledge (which is power, yes?) and help her see that you see her as firmly transitioning to (young) adult. Those are things that i would have responded to at 16 had my parents given me the chance.

 

On 9/13/2019 at 11:23 AM, saintalto said:

My niece started posting revealing photos on her account when she was around 14 and it made me raise my eyebrows a little. Double standards, sure, but I couldn’t help be a little taken aback when I saw. I probably did judge a little. Just my experience being the aunt who saw the photos.

 

On 9/13/2019 at 12:25 PM, Rabbit37 said:

Don’t know how I missed this earlier. 

Have 17yo and 32yo daughters, and a 19yo son. I vote for having a serious discussion with her, and trying to get her to see the ramifications of publicly posting something like that. One thing that worries me about social media is that it can live forever on the internet. I don’t think kids really think that through when they post some eyebrow-raising stuff. Since there’s such a huge age gap in my kids, it really has been that I’ve raised my oldest in a completely different time, socially, and I can see the vast shift in perceptions with kids that are growing up with it now. It’s just not a big deal to them now. I hate to think how that might haunt them someday. 

I guess maybe future problems with these type of posts worries me more than present day perceptions, but that’s worrisome on its own too. 

Sorry, I feel like I’m struggling to make sense, I’m not feeling well today, my mind is mush. Bottom line I’m trying to say, keep the channel of communication open, definitely. Do talk with her. Forcing her to take it down would likely create a backlash from her, and that’s the last thing you’d want at this age. 

It’s a fucking mammoth job raising kids in today’s world. 

Sorry, I'm late getting back to this. Thanks for weighing in, everyone. So far I've procrastinated on talking to her, which is completely lame I know. I also know that she has a lot of physical insecurities, and she received a lot of positive feedback from the photo from her female friends mostly, so it feels extra delicate. But appreciate your perspectives.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...