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Hi all, 

i haven't posted in a while, so I don’t know what my profile says about me. I’m BPI, ADD, and BPD. I’ve had DBT, so I feel the BPD is ok. I’ve never been a real go-getter, but something is severely wrong with me. I’m a full-time student and make A’s and B’s. In about the beginning of May, something happened and I lost all motivation. All my grades dropped a letter by the time the quarter was over. 

Since then, things have gotten significantly worse. I told my doctor about it and that I thought it might be depression, even though I didn’t feel sad. We’ve switched my depakote to lithium. It’s supposed to help with depression, and I felt amazing the first week I was on it. I had so much energy, not in a manic way, just felt normal. That quickly wore off. She added Effexor to my Wellbutrin about 6 weeks ago, and I haven’t noticed any difference. 

I’m now at the point where I do nothing besides lay on the couch all day. I have to force myself to get up and cook my bf dinner. Laying out is about my favorite thing to do, and we just moved to apartments with a pool. But I just sit in this dark apartment on my phone. I used to love knitting, so I joined a knitting subscription service. I’ve gotten two kits and haven’t even tried. 

I bathe about once every three days, I brush my teeth every other day, and I wear my clothes three days in a row. That’s if I even get dressed. Most days, I stay in my housecoat. 

I’ve been unemployed since early December and need to get a job, but I just don’t want to. School started back 2 weeks ago, and I’ve done nothing. I have a test this morning, which I woke up early to study for, but I probably won’t. 

Somebody please help me. I’m going to discuss all this with my doctor, but she sucks. So I want to know how to address this to her. I live in a small town and have Medicaid, so I can’t change. 

Thank you. 

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Was there any sort of trigger that may have caused it? Could it be burn out, stress?

You don't have to feel sad or crying to have depression. Sounds like a depressive apathy and anhedonia (I chronically have this as well, the laying around, reading online, procrastinating, not interested in anything, struggle to go outside, shower etc). Sometimes its meds that make you more lethargic. Have you considered a stimulant? This is the only thing that touches my apathy and motivation. Which in turn helps with depression, it can get you unstuck. Most antidepressants or mood stabilisers (especially Lithium) cause more apathy/ lethargy and emotional dulling for me.

 

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Yeah, you sound as if you might be depressed. Depression can mean lack of motivation and focus, even if mood-wise you don't feel that bad. For me, lying around on the couch, letting things slip, and not even bothering to shower are sure signs of at least moderate depression, which can still be debilitating. I don't really have suggestions for meds. As Blah suggests, I've take a stimulant (adderall) in the past to get over the hump for that sort of depressive state, though a lot of docs are not keen on prescribing them, and especially to someone with BP1 I imagine (my one and only clear hypomania ramped up after I started Adderall, and gained me the BP2 diagnosis). Also, if you have a disability services office in your school, and you haven't registered with them, I recommend that you do in case things start slipping in the new school term or the future. As a grad student, my registering with disability services has helped get me some wiggle room, and as a teacher, it allowed me to give some extra slack to students who had a valid medical reason for things like late assignments or needing extra time on tests. 

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22 minutes ago, Blahblah said:

Was there any sort of trigger that may have caused it? Could it be burn out, stress?

You don't have to feel sad or crying to have depression. Sounds like a depressive apathy and anhedonia (I chronically have this as well, the laying around, reading online, procrastinating, not interested in anything, struggle to go outside, shower etc). Sometimes its meds that make you more lethargic. Have you considered a stimulant? This is the only thing that touches my apathy and motivation. Which in turn helps with depression, it can get you unstuck. Most antidepressants or mood stabilisers (especially Lithium) cause more apathy/ lethargy and emotional dulling for me.

 

You’ve definitely summed it up perfectly. I have taken adderall IR 20mg twice a day for about twenty years. I can tell I’m more scattered if I forget to take it, but otherwise I can’t tell a difference. I wonder if I’m used to it and should try another. 

Eta I can’t imagine it’s burn out since I haven’t worked in close to a year and am a stay at home gf with a maid. And I didn’t even take summer classes. I have had a good bit of stress though, so that could have something to do with it. 

Edited by iLove

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12 minutes ago, Unstrung Harp said:

Yeah, you sound as if you might be depressed. Depression can mean lack of motivation and focus, even if mood-wise you don't feel that bad. For me, lying around on the couch, letting things slip, and not even bothering to shower are sure signs of at least moderate depression, which can still be debilitating. I don't really have suggestions for meds. As Blah suggests, I've take a stimulant (adderall) in the past to get over the hump for that sort of depressive state, though a lot of docs are not keen on prescribing them, and especially to someone with BP1 I imagine (my one and only clear hypomania ramped up after I started Adderall, and gained me the BP2 diagnosis). Also, if you have a disability services office in your school, and you haven't registered with them, I recommend that you do in case things start slipping in the new school term or the future. As a grad student, my registering with disability services has helped get me some wiggle room, and as a teacher, it allowed me to give some extra slack to students who had a valid medical reason for things like late assignments or needing extra time on tests. 

Yeah, the adderall is probably why I’m more apt to be manic than depressed, which is why I don’t know what the hell is going on. 

That’s great advice on disability services. I’ve never been to them because I didn’t need it, but I’m in trouble right now. As predicted, I’m still not studying for this test. 

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2 hours ago, iLove said:

You’ve definitely summed it up perfectly. I have taken adderall IR 20mg twice a day for about twenty years. I can tell I’m more scattered if I forget to take it, but otherwise I can’t tell a difference. I wonder if I’m used to it and should try another. 

Eta I can’t imagine it’s burn out since I haven’t worked in close to a year and am a stay at home gf with a maid. And I didn’t even take summer classes. I have had a good bit of stress though, so that could have something to do with it. 

Yeah, I'm thinking the same for me...I've been taking ritalin for a few years now (with some breaks). Apart from feeling unfocused, scattered, and a bit less motivated when I skip it, it seems to have lost its efficacy. I had recently increased my dose also, hasn't make a difference 😞 I am super super tired again now.

I also wonder if it's the colder weather. I noticed the fatigue has become intolerable the last 2 weeks with the temperatures suddenly dropping (from sweaty 90's to 60's). But the sun is still out...I don't know what else to do. I'll ask my pdoc for suggestions. I am not functioning with this fatigue, mood-wise I'm ok but physically, I really don't feel well and hesitant to disclose to school disability svs. Good luck to you!!!!

Edited by Blahblah

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8 hours ago, iLove said:

I’m BPI, ADD, and BPD. I’ve had DBT, so I feel the BPD is ok.

So I had to google BPI and it came up with British Phonographic Industry, which is probably not what you meant. Or is it? One time someone said that their DID was bothering them. I couldn't remember what that was but a quick google search turned up Damsel in Distress. "Why dear Lady" quoteth I "Tell me what fiend doth disturb your peace of mind and verily I shall kick him in the nuts." So I'm off to burn down the British Phonograpic Industy HQ, which will hopefully make you feel better.

  • Haha 1

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8 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Yeah, I'm thinking the same for me...I've been taking ritalin for a few years now (with some breaks). Apart from feeling unfocused, scattered, and a bit less motivated when I skip it, it seems to have lost its efficacy. I had recently increased my dose also, hasn't make a difference 😞 I am super super tired again now.

I also wonder if it's the colder weather. I noticed the fatigue has become intolerable the last 2 weeks with the temperatures suddenly dropping (from sweaty 90's to 60's). But the sun is still out...I don't know what else to do. I'll ask my pdoc for suggestions. I am not functioning with this fatigue, mood-wise I'm ok but physically, I really don't feel well and hesitant to disclose to school disability svs. Good luck to you!!!!

Good luck to you as well. 

I applied for disability services at school and called my doctor. I have an appointment for Wednesday and asked for something to help me in the meantime. She switched my Latuda to abilify. Wtf. I switched from abilify to latuda last year because I can’t concentrate on abilify. Like did she not read my chart at all?

After that I got very frustrated and started looking for a new psychiatrist in a bigger town that’s a little further away. The problem there is most aren’t taking new patients or don’t take Medicaid. I got lucky and talked to a really nice psychiatrist (self pay only) and he recommended a doctor, but I can’t find her. I found a clinic where she’s like on the board or something and emailed them. 

I’m texting with my son’s ex girlfriend’s mom (counselor) to see if she can recommend a psychiatrist or counselor. 

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3 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

So I had to google BPI and it came up with British Phonographic Industry, which is probably not what you meant. Or is it? One time someone said that their DID was bothering them. I couldn't remember what that was but a quick google search turned up Damsel in Distress. "Why dear Lady" quoteth I "Tell me what fiend doth disturb your peace of mind and verily I shall kick him in the nuts." So I'm off to burn down the British Phonograpic Industy HQ, which will hopefully make you feel better.

Lmao! I thought that said pornographic. It’s bipolar type 1. 

My friend gave me the name of a clinic and counselor. They also have psychologists on staff. I’ve sent them an email. I’m feeling a little more hopeful now. 

2 hours ago, Juniper29 said:

Sounds like depression to me.

Thanks, Juniper. Sounds like the prevailing thought. 

I want to get some input on what I might ask my psychiatrist about. Not that she EVER gives me what I ask for. Should I post on the bipolar board? From my research today, it appears the treatments for MDD and bipolar depression are quite different. 

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33 minutes ago, iLove said:

Lmao! I thought that said pornographic. It’s bipolar type 1. 

My friend gave me the name of a clinic and counselor. They also have psychologists on staff. I’ve sent them an email. I’m feeling a little more hopeful now. 

Thanks, Juniper. Sounds like the prevailing thought. 

I want to get some input on what I might ask my psychiatrist about. Not that she EVER gives me what I ask for. Should I post on the bipolar board? From my research today, it appears the treatments for MDD and bipolar depression are quite different. 

Yes, most are very different, or at least the approaches/dosing can be

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34 minutes ago, iLove said:

 

I want to get some input on what I might ask my psychiatrist about. Not that she EVER gives me what I ask for. Should I post on the bipolar board? From my research today, it appears the treatments for MDD and bipolar depression are quite different. 

They are different mainly because with bipolar depression you have to try to avoid triggering mania.

What about adding an antipsychotic with antidepressant effects, like abilify or seroquel? (I'm not one of the med experts on here, and not bipolar, so feel free to tell me that's a terrible idea.)

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2 minutes ago, Juniper29 said:

They are different mainly because with bipolar depression you have to try to avoid triggering mania.

What about adding an antipsychotic with antidepressant effects, like abilify or seroquel? (I'm not one of the med experts on here, and not bipolar, so feel free to tell me that's a terrible idea.)

Apparently, abilify is not a terrible idea since that’s what my psychiatrist prescribed today. Apparently she forgot that I requested to be taken off abilify because it affects my focus and she put me on latuda. 

The last time I was depressed several years ago, she put me on seroquel and it worked. But between it and depakote I gained almost 100 pounds. I’m on ww now and starting to lose and have no interest in gaining more. 

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9 minutes ago, iLove said:

Apparently, abilify is not a terrible idea since that’s what my psychiatrist prescribed today. Apparently she forgot that I requested to be taken off abilify because it affects my focus and she put me on latuda. 

The last time I was depressed several years ago, she put me on seroquel and it worked. But between it and depakote I gained almost 100 pounds. I’m on ww now and starting to lose and have no interest in gaining more. 

So your starting the latuda ? Or restarting the abilify? 

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17 minutes ago, Iceberg said:

So your starting the latuda ? Or restarting the abilify? 

I didn’t write that well. I’m starting abilify tomorrow. It’s always been a good drug for me but exacerbated my add. I’m gonna take it until my appointment. 

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