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Complicated toad

I am really tired of OCD sucking up so much time

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It should not take me 3 hours to get out of the house in the morning.  I am getting up earlier and earlier to allow time for all the checking and counting, which is hard because checking doors and reading books to get to a "safe" page keep me up way too late.  I have been late to work every day for weeks.  Lucky no one has said anything yet, i cant tell them i had to check each door handle 32 times (4 sets of 8), likewise for garage door and stove knobs and outlets.  Usually i have to go thru these routines more than once.  Some days i either cry or yell obscenities as i drive to work because im so frustrated with being in such a panic no matter what i do.  

I have and ocd and cbt books im going to  start working thru, im just so annoyed with myself.  Its been years like this and it keeps getting worse.  As late as i am, i cant take more time off for therapy, besides who can afford it anyways.  

I guess i had no point to this post except I needed to vent, i am so sick of it some days. 

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might it be time to fiddle with your meds a bit? i don't see anything in your cocktail that's a hard hitter for OCD, though i do see that you've tried a lot of meds. are you tolerant of ADs? prozac, anafranil, and paxil are all indicated for OCD. did AAPs help you at all? risperidone at 0.75 was great for me when i was dealing with a lot of obsessive stuff and intrusive thoughts.

i'm sorry you're struggling so much lately. you're right, it shouldn't have to take you three hours to get out the door in the morning. you deserve much better than that. 

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3 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

 I guess i had no point to this post except I needed to vent, i am so sick of it some days. 

I can totally understand.....My OCD is so bad now that I cannot work, and can't leave my house without help.

I have counting and checking rituals, too, plus some hand-washing rituals.....I know it's terrible, I live it every day.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone....

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Thanks @CrazyRedheadand @echolocation.  Just the acknowledgement helps, i keep this stuff as hidden as possible, otherwise family members tell me im being stupid and i should just stop.  Like it works that way.   I havent had a pdoc really try to treat it, except one that prescribed imipramine and that went very badly.  SSRIs tend to make me feel crappy but i havent tried them all.  I think i need to be more forthcoming with the doc about how distressing the symptoms make me (those described above are just my morning rituals, there are others).  I downplay it because i feel ridiculous describing the symptoms.   But for now, i feel better having posted and having others understand 

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3 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

I downplay it because i feel ridiculous describing the symptoms

I used to feel like this at the beginning, trying to explain my ocd. What helped me the most is thinking about this:

They (doctors) have seen *everything* before.

Each case is a particular one, but it is their day-to-day job. Don't worry.

Good luck

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What an incredibly challenging way to have to start your day.  I feel for you, I know it must be torture.  I hope you are able to find some peace soon.  

This will sound ridiculous to some, but trusting in a higher power (whatever that may mean to you) plus well balanced meds, counseling, and energy healing have really turned my life in a better direction.  I had always been addressing only the physical/mental aspects of my condition and never included the energetic and soul level challenges I was dealing with.  You can start figuring it out by looking into your chakras (energetic centers of the body) and see where they are out of line.  Some of the ways to balance them.can be so simple!  Some things are harder, dealing with deep traumas (which most of us people.with anxiety disorders have.)  I guess after this long ramble, what I am trying to say is modern medicine doesn't incorporate our energy body and healing mental illness while ignoring that aspect is so much harder.  Make an appointment with your doc.too, line up your counseling, and start working from the core of.everything you are.  Things will get better!  Sending love your way!

P.s. Praying to Michael the Archangel to take away your fears is a technique that I have also found highly effective. He is a brilliant energy.  It could.work.. Or at the worst, it may not

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Posted (edited)

My pure OCD results in severe self-loathing for "remembering" about my depression (because the OCD dictates that remembering about my depression will cause me to feel so depressed that I will kill myself...). 

For decades I had to have to always be respecting 6 rules (that I made up earlier) in order to avoid imminent suicide (or so I believed). If I wasn't obeying any one of them, I would feel literally terrified, and often not even know why.

The only therapy that helped me loosen the grip of those rules was ERP (Exposure Response Prevention), where you basically say "OK then, let's break a rule and see if I kill myself" - and go ahead and break a rule for increasing amounts of time. Sure enough I didn't kill myself time and time again and slowly the rules lost power.

The only meds that helped with my OCD are BuSpar (which is amazing but takes many weeks to fully work), and benzos as-needed.

Good luck.

17 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

I think i need to be more forthcoming with the doc about how distressing the symptoms make me (those described above are just my morning rituals, there are others).  I downplay it because i feel ridiculous describing the symptoms.   But for now, i feel better having posted and having others understand 

Yes, you have to admit it to yourself that you're mentally ill, like 5-10% of the World's population at any given time. If your professional downplays your suffering then find a new one. It's a simple as that. I was lucky to be able to go here, where they specialise in OCD.

Good luck.

Edited by sming
typo
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@Complicated Toad, Zoloft (Sertraline) definitely helps my OCD. There are some initial side effects the first couple of weeks. Tummy upset, drowsy...but they went away and I never gained any weight from it.

I see you have tried it.   Hmmm....does therapy help?

Sorry you are struggling right now. OCD is rough. 

Edited by kitties

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@kitties thanks for the support.  My OCD was significantly better when I was in zoloft, but my mood swings were much worse.  I have decided if it's a toss up between treating session and treating anxiety, I will live with anxiety and intrusive thoughts.  

I picked up "treating OCD with CBT for dummies" at the library (I am actually serious they really have that book) so we will give that a go.  

Treating depression not treating session!  Stupid autocorrect

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5 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

I picked up "treating OCD with CBT for dummies" at the library (I am actually serious they really have that book) so we will give that a go.  

There's a dummies book for everything! 

Please forgive me if this is a totally ignorant question, but is OCD a form of anxiety? I am just wondering why you said you could only treat one or the other. My (admittedly uneducated) reasoning is that treating anxiety would also treat OCD? Again please please forgive me if this is totally wrong. And if possible please educate me :)

Edit: went back and read your post again... And realised I got totally confused 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ sorry. You said depression vs anxiety. I reckon you should be able to find a way to manage both. 

Edited by Melancholya

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4 hours ago, Melancholya said:

Please forgive me if this is a totally ignorant question, but is OCD a form of anxiety? I am just wondering why you said you could only treat one or the other. My (admittedly uneducated) reasoning is that treating anxiety would also treat OCD? Again please please forgive me if this is totally wrong. And if possible please educate me :)

Edit: went back and read your post again... And realised I got totally confused 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ sorry. You said depression vs anxiety. I reckon you should be able to find a way to manage both. 

Yes, OCD is a form of anxiety....I also have OCD, along with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder).

Sometimes anxiety medications can help OCD, but IMO, I also believe you need a good therapist trained in treating OCD.

I also have severe MDD along with my anxiety disorders.......It can be a challenge to treat both depression and anxiety disorders in the same person....It is a balancing act, and may require multiple trials of different meds to achieve the right med combo, in my experience.

So, to answer your question more directly, anxiety and depression can be treated together, but it could take a while to find the right med cocktail to control both.

Edited by CrazyRedhead

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I think OCD used to be classified as an anxiety disorder but now it's separate.  But they are closely linked.  For me, the obsessive thoughts create a lot of anxiety, and the compulsive behavior is my way of trying to calm myself (doesn't work).  The more anxious I am, the stronger the obsessive thoughts, and in turn the obsessive thoughts make the anxiety even worse. They feed off of each other.

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