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Depressed, don't want to live & meds don't work!


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This is my 1st time here.

I've been dealing with depression & anxiety for well over 25 yrs but the last 18+ months have been beyond miserable. This all 'started' when my primary dr cold turkey stopped my celexa (after 10 yrs) & tried to start me on trintellix. It was a huge downward spiral, in addition to life situations not helping/ making things worse. I tried taking time "away" & stayed with my parents for what was supposed to be a month or 2, turned into 10 months. Was able to  go back to work & barely made it 2 months & that was a struggle. I then had to return to my parents as I was not functioning on my own. Over this time I've been on almost every ssri, combination with wellbutrin & benzos as needed, tried snri yrs ago, went thru TMS & ketamine infusions - NOTHING helped! Tried a partial hosp program, they recommended inpatient - again, didn't help, just left me with medical bills! Now after viibryd was miserable for me the psych NP wants to try amitriptyline. I hate all of the side effects & at this point why should I bother trying all these meds only to have awful side effects & NO relief!  The other option given to me is to try ECT.  I can't work, I cant live on my own, sleeping is very disrupted, but that's all I want to do. I'm honestly at a point,  & have been for a while, where I just would rather die, it would be so much easier, for me! Of course the guilt of leaving my family to deal with the aftermath is what keeps me from doing anything.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm purely existing, not living- & this is no way to live or exist!    HELP?!

Thanks for listening

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1 hour ago, Outofoptions said:

Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm purely existing, not living- & this is no way to live or exist!    HELP?!

Thanks for listening

You have an NP prescribing your meds, but do you have a therapist or counselor to talk to?

Having a good therapist can be very helpful.

It seems from your post that you've tried a lot of things....At this point, ECT could be worth a look.

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Thanks for taking the time to respond.  Yes, I have a therapist, although scheduling has been inconsistent (she had a car accident resulting in ti.e out of work). Not to mention, talking doesn't make this go away!  Why aren't the meds working?! Is there some expert Dr who can help find the right one(s)? 

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Amitriptyline may work for you. It's a TCA and if you've never tried one of those before, they can work wonders. I loved desipramine and protriptyline, they have less side effects than amitriptyline IME. Also, an MAOI might be a good idea to try, like Emsam, Parnate, Nardil, or Marplan (not sure if the last one is on the market anymore...). They have dietary and medical restrictions, but they aren't as bad as they're talked up to be, and they can really work wonders.

Also, perhaps antidepressant augmentation with an atypical antipsychotic? Like Abilify, Rexulti, etc.? As well as what @argh mentioned with Zyprexa, Seroquel, or Symbyax (combination of Prozac and Zyprexa).

Edited by mikl_pls
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1 hour ago, mikl_pls said:

Amitriptyline may work for you. It's a TCA and if you've never tried one of those before, they can work wonders. I loved desipramine and protriptyline, they have less side effects than amitriptyline IME. Also, an MAOI might be a good idea to try, like Emsam, Parnate, Nardil, or Marplan (not sure if the last one is on the market anymore...). They have dietary and medical restrictions, but they aren't as bad as they're talked up to be, and they can really work wonders.

Also, perhaps antidepressant augmentation with an atypical antipsychotic? Like Abilify, Rexulti, etc.? As well as what @argh mentioned with Zyprexa, Seroquel, or Symbyax (combination of Prozac and Zyprexa).

Thanks for writing

This NP wanted to add rexulti or something like that but he felt if the ad wasn't doing anything it didn't make sense. He also initially said that maoi's & tricyclics are going to have more side effects,  which I'm having plenty of already.

I may bring these suggestions to him. (Hope he doesn't think I doubt his abilities).

1 hour ago, argh said:

remeron? Knock you out with a vengeance. Isnt an ssri. When it works for people it really does work. Fast for an AD.

buspar augmentation to an AD?

Lyrica augmentation.


Maybe think outside of the box?

A fast aap with AD properties?

seroquel? Zyprexa? Symbax?
if nothing else it will help restless sleep.

 

Lithium at low doses?

 

Thank you for writing!

I just heard from a friend with major depression about remeron. Wish I could have suggested/asked about it at my appt.  :(   I was hoping the NP would be thinking out of the box since my thinking is clearly not clear! Nor do I have the medical knowledge he does.   So fruatrating

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No one's mentioned MAOI's I don't think. They work wonders for some (not me unfortunately, I'm severely TRD). The only thing that helps me is stimulants, which I discovered by accident. Adderall, Ritalin, Provigil all help my depression (Adderall is enabling me to write this). 

HTH

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53 minutes ago, sming said:

No one's mentioned MAOI's I don't think. They work wonders for some (not me unfortunately, I'm severely TRD). The only thing that helps me is stimulants, which I discovered by accident. Adderall, Ritalin, Provigil all help my depression (Adderall is enabling me to write this). 

HTH

I'm the same way with stimulants. Dexedrine literally enables me to exist. It was miraculous at first, but gradually faded away in magnitude.

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4 hours ago, sming said:

No one's mentioned MAOI's I don't think. They work wonders for some (not me unfortunately, I'm severely TRD). The only thing that helps me is stimulants, which I discovered by accident. Adderall, Ritalin, Provigil all help my depression (Adderall is enabling me to write this). 

HTH

Thank you for writing

Maoi's were mentioned, but very little. I'm not excited about them, nor is my prescriber. My cousin has found some relief in stimulants added to lexapro. 

Not sure what to do!

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I'm really ao confused right now.   I know I'm not a dr but I just don't have a good feeling about the tca. Should I bother even trying, just to have more side effects? (He called in amitriptyline & imipramine - b/c the pharmacy was out of 1). Anyway, I kind of think I should hold off & ask him about remeron or lamictal or vraylar (1 of the bi-polar meds, even though I don't have it). 

I'm just tired of putting different meds into my body & having all these side effects but no relief!  

Thoughts... opinions...    So sorry to keep bothering you all, but I so very much appreciate you taking the time to respond!

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36 minutes ago, Outofoptions said:

Thank you for writing

Maoi's were mentioned, but very little. I'm not excited about them, nor is my prescriber. My cousin has found some relief in stimulants added to lexapro. 

Not sure what to do!

What do you mean by "not excited"? I'm never excited about anything, especially new meds, cos they don't work o_0  Hence I wouldn't let the fact that you're not excited about it deter you.

Just my 2d.

36 minutes ago, Outofoptions said:

Thank you for writing

Maoi's were mentioned, but very little. I'm not excited about them, nor is my prescriber. My cousin has found some relief in stimulants added to lexapro. 

Not sure what to do!

What do you mean by "not excited"? I'm never excited about anything, especially new meds, cos they don't work o_0  Hence I wouldn't let the fact that you're not excited about it deter you.

Just my 2d.

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8 minutes ago, sming said:

What do you mean by "not excited"? I'm never excited about anything, especially new meds, cos they don't work o_0  Hence I wouldn't let the fact that you're not excited about it deter you.

Just my 2d.

What do you mean by "not excited"? I'm never excited about anything, especially new meds, cos they don't work o_0  Hence I wouldn't let the fact that you're not excited about it deter you.

Just my 2d.

What I mean, I guess, is will thia be another waste of time, money & energy that I don't have! Should I be trying 1 of the other options (remeron, bi-polar med...) before this?   Honestly, I want to just give up. I can't keep doing this! Med after med & no relief

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3 hours ago, Outofoptions said:

I'm really ao confused right now.   I know I'm not a dr but I just don't have a good feeling about the tca. Should I bother even trying, just to have more side effects? (He called in amitriptyline & imipramine - b/c the pharmacy was out of 1). Anyway, I kind of think I should hold off & ask him about remeron or lamictal or vraylar (1 of the bi-polar meds, even though I don't have it). 

I'm just tired of putting different meds into my body & having all these side effects but no relief!  

Thoughts... opinions...    So sorry to keep bothering you all, but I so very much appreciate you taking the time to respond!

You're not bothering us! This is what we're here for! :) 

While we're not doctors, we know our bodies (and brains) better than any doctor could possibly know, and sometimes if we have a hunch about medication, we may be right. If you don't have a good feeling about the TCA, you have every right to ask your psych nurse what he thinks about a particular medication. You may help him help you by doing so.

I definitely know your frustration about meds not working. I have tried an extensive list of meds myself with not much avail. (Granted I've never had ketamine infusions or TMS or anything. Though I would like to try them!) You have a few meds and classes of meds you haven't tried yet though, so please try to have some faith that something just might work.

I will say that between amitriptyline and imipramine, you're less likely to have side effects with imipramine if I'm not mistaken.

2 hours ago, Outofoptions said:

What I mean, I guess, is will thia be another waste of time, money & energy that I don't have! Should I be trying 1 of the other options (remeron, bi-polar med...) before this?   Honestly, I want to just give up. I can't keep doing this! Med after med & no relief

Please try to hang in there. Something has to work. Even if you have to revisit a medication that briefly worked for you then pooped out (which is what I'm having to do... cycle through meds that worked briefly...)

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11 minutes ago, mikl_pls said:

You're not bothering us! This is what we're here for! :) 

While we're not doctors, we know our bodies (and brains) better than any doctor could possibly know, and sometimes if we have a hunch about medication, we may be right. If you don't have a good feeling about the TCA, you have every right to ask your psych nurse what he thinks about a particular medication. You may help him help you by doing so.

I definitely know your frustration about meds not working. I have tried an extensive list of meds myself with not much avail. (Granted I've never had ketamine infusions or TMS or anything. Though I would like to try them!) You have a few meds and classes of meds you haven't tried yet though, so please try to have some faith that something just might work.

I will say that between amitriptyline and imipramine, you're less likely to have side effects with imipramine if I'm not mistaken.

Please try to hang in there. Something has to work. Even if you have to revisit a medication that briefly worked for you then pooped out (which is what I'm having to do... cycle through meds that worked briefly...)

Thank you. 

Its so Hard to keep "hanging in" there when norhing works, time after time.  The office is closed tomorrow for the holiday so I have to wait til tues. to even try to speak with him. 

Thank you, really, for your support & suggestions.

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10 minutes ago, Will said:

And it came from Alabama no less !!

Hang in there Outofoptions. Glad you're in good enough shape to do that

Good enough shape?  Not so sure. Taking it min to min... falling apart & thinking of ways out frequently. Not even sure if I hope I can make it til tues.

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