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grousemouse

please punt this to a relevant thread.

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i realize that this is a thread about relationships, but this is a post about an absence of romantic relationships.
 i Did some reading and am trying posting here. i'm late forties, male, with either major depression or bipolar ii (treated and medicated years ago).

I had a three week relationship when I was 19 at a french immersion school, then I kissed a girl while drunk (her too) at a party when about 23. Had a several month online relationship with a 21 year old while i was 32 in which I think i fell in 'love' with her but she explored a physical relationship with a friend, so that ended.

that's my experience with romantic relationships. still a virgin. any thought of a relationship I internally dismiss because of my mental issues and history. 

when i was younger i wanted to have a big family but those hopes are I think gone. i am middle aged, a mental illness and addiction (alcoholic). i'm not suicidal but i just don't see a future on my current path.

in a fairly deep depression right now which is why i'm reaching out. curious to know if anyone has romantic relationship problems like me and has any suggestions.

i didn't notice a thread on this topic but then again i didn't really look. if there is one may an admin please punt it in that direction.

thanks,

grouse.

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Nice to see you around here again, it's been awhile. I'm curious whether you avoid relationships due to social anxiety? Fear of rejection? or is more depression/withdrawal? There are many people that suffer major mental health issues, yet are still able to sustain romantic relationships. Have you had any insights from therapists? Or been treated for alcoholism?

I guess my thought would be to work on your depression & managing your illness(es) as much as possible, before diving into a serious relationship or emotional entanglement with someone. Others have always suggested to take up hobbies or classes, meetups just for the sake of the activity (not necessarily to meet a potential partner or anything), work on maybe developing more friendships first? Better to date someone you have already built some trust with.

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7 hours ago, grousemouse said:

i realize that this is a thread about relationships, but this is a post about an absence of romantic relationships.
 i Did some reading and am trying posting here. i'm late forties, male, with either major depression or bipolar ii (treated and medicated years ago).

I had a three week relationship when I was 19 at a french immersion school, then I kissed a girl while drunk (her too) at a party when about 23. Had a several month online relationship with a 21 year old while i was 32 in which I think i fell in 'love' with her but she explored a physical relationship with a friend, so that ended.

that's my experience with romantic relationships. still a virgin. any thought of a relationship I internally dismiss because of my mental issues and history. 

when i was younger i wanted to have a big family but those hopes are I think gone. i am middle aged, a mental illness and addiction (alcoholic). i'm not suicidal but i just don't see a future on my current path.

in a fairly deep depression right now which is why i'm reaching out. curious to know if anyone has romantic relationship problems like me and has any suggestions.

i didn't notice a thread on this topic but then again i didn't really look. if there is one may an admin please punt it in that direction.

thanks,

grouse.

Mid 30s same boat.

Do you have a problem with empathy? I have sympathy as in I can detect emotions from others but not really feel much, if at all. No reason I'm asking in particular, just wondering if there were any other parallels.

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i'm much younger than you (21) but i have such a powerful fear of intimacy/rejection that i seem unable to have a romantic relationship. i've had some opportunities, but none of them really came through because i get so scared and anxious that i can't do any of the romantic stuff (anything involving touch/emotional vulnerability). it's frustrating. on the other hand, i don't really care when my meds squash what little remains of my libido, haha.

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Early 30s here. Never been in a relationship. I want to be - desperately, sometimes. But depression, social anxiety, and almost non-existent self esteem get in the way. I can't even figure out how to do face-to-face friendships, so...

No advice. Just commiseration.

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wow. thanks for responding people. thank you.  

and yes, i certainly do feel like i suck. life does anyway.

my avoidance of relationships is based on deep anxiety and fear of pain (i am a total wimpso), but also the depression plays a large part. my self-esteem doesn't seem to exist - that'll be the depression which stems from anxiety, which kind of killed me in a way. haven't had a job in over 10 years and live with my folks. i have found therapists strangely useless on the relationship topic and i haven't sought treatment for alcoholism yet. my most recent pdoc suggested hobbies so i got into guns and motorbikes - i don't think that's what he had in mind though. lol. anyway, both fell by the wayside. i do coach soccer though so that gets me out of my comfort envelope. (no, i am NEVER intoxicated while in that role).

my opinion of myself is bad so the thought of exposing my self to others (romantically) is horrifying to me. it's a classic depression scenario i think.

I don't have a problem with empathy at all, in the sense that I feel a great deal of empathy towards others, particularly those who are suffering. that's something i learned about myself as i got older. i used to be like a walmart greeter here back in the day.

thanks all for your input.

grouse.

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