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Depression in the early morning


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There must be some sort of correlation between coming out of sleep consciousness to full consciousness that leads to early morning depression.  At least that is how it seems for me.

But while it is painful, I think depression can be more revelatory than a normal mood state.  Indicating a need for a fundamental changes in direction with (a) the med regiment and/or (b) life circumstances.

And I think the biological explanations of why this should be so are speculative.  If brain waves are both the question and answer, then what is the pharmacological answer to the question.  Currently, the answer seems to be that you have to endure the depression.  And if that is so then the revelatory aspect of it can't be ignored

And I'm not talking about temporary relief, I'm talking about fundamental changes in the mindset of a lifetime of struggling w/ a mental illness that is not totally debilitating 

That's in a nutshell.  Thoughts?  AND PLEASE don't click the "confused" button, that's all I have to give

Edited by Will
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1 hour ago, Will said:

 That's in a nutshell.  Thoughts?  

Doctors and researchers have not really determined what causes "diurnal depression", or "morning depression", although they think it might have something to do with circadian rhythms............There are also people whose depression gets worse towards the evening.

There is no separate diagnostic criteria for "morning" or "evening" depression, both can be classified as major depressive disorder.

I'm not a doctor, but IMO, the pharmacological answer might be trying an anti-depressant (AD), if you aren't already on one....You may have to try different ADs, or combination of meds, until you find what's best for you.

Here's a good article I found on the subject:   https://www.verywellmind.com/diurnal-mood-variation-1067149

Edited by CrazyRedhead
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"the courage of the heart"  -- John Nash

Not sure that Nash ever found real peace.  Just as to that point alone.  Not sure about this, but I think he counseled his schizophrenic son not to take meds. Nash  himself stopped taking neuroleptics.

Secondly, the article is good, but I'm not sure that it is entirely right.  The advice to Don't take naps. If you can’t do without, try to keep naps short. Avoid taking one late in the day, as it may affect your sleep at night, runs counter to my experience, which is that naps can change my mood state from very bad to very good.

All these issues have been batted around on CB without a conclusion other than the site advises following doctor's orders

 

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7 minutes ago, Will said:

All these issues have been batted around on CB without a conclusion other than the site advises following doctor's orders.

Have you spoken to your doc specifically about your morning depression?....If so, would you feel comfortable sharing what your doc suggested or recommended?

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We're running down a rabbit hole here...….however, I'm not going to redact this....nor will I do anything until I'm "baseline" as if I'm ever baseline

I'm glad you're consistently getting 7 hours of sleep now. Definitely let me know if you start getting groggy on the 200 mg Seroquel, so we can decrease it if necessary. Regarding other options, we can certainly discuss things. There are a lot of options out there, although they may not all be the best fit for you, of course. I agree that having that discussion once things are back to baseline is our best bet, so hopefully we'll be in a place to have that discussion by your next appointment. I know you're well-informed and do a lot of your own research, so feel free to continue to research and bring in any options to discuss that you'd like to. I agree that it's time to broaden our horizons as far as what we consider, so I'm open to discussing anything you want to bring to the table.
 

And one thing that does illustrate is the ability to communicate w/ my therapist and pdoc via cyberspace

And, it also illustrates that my therapist and pdoc have unlimited patience w/ me because I am basically blogging into their in-boxes

AND, it is raining hard here breaking a drought so this is a decent day to do this

Edited by Will
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don't merge

I'm restructuring my personal life (read: personal) which adds to the urgency of this particular episode for me

I have read that Nash counseled against getting into political issues which DOES sound like solid advice

My problem is that I can get involved with historical issues, such as the holocaust (WW2 in general actually), which seems entirely reasonable and indeed healthy to me.  I go thru periods where I am not that interested in fiction.  So now I'm blogging here and I prob need to go back to my ancient blogs, which dealt with synchronicity and other "pseudo science"

Edited by Will
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On 10/15/2019 at 5:06 PM, Will said:

My problem is that I can get involved with historical issues, such as the holocaust (WW2 in general actually), which seems entirely reasonable and indeed healthy to me.

It is certainly healthy to be educated about things like the holocaust, but when I've been in the shitty depths all I can see is the awfulness and misery. I've read a lot about the holocaust and other shitty episodes in human history when I've been in such a mood, which reinforces my miserable mindset and proves that I'm right to think like that. Because you do tend to seek out things which confirm your opinions, and when you're down that's going to be some awful shit. Of course human history is mostly people being shit to each other, which should make those historical figures who weren't arseholes more worth of study, since they were candles in a sea of shit.

So my intentions are good anyway, but, to be honest, after finishing that last paragraph I started to doubt that my words would shine a ray of sunshine which would light a path which would lead you to happiness. I did mention shit a lot didn't I? And fuck knows which way happiness lies. And I really am talking a load of shit aren't I? Sorry.

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No, thank you for caring enough to post.  I'm just totally washed out right now.  Vacant and depleted.

The holocaust fascination stretches back to my childhood, when some friends and I would play WW2 strategy which we concocted.  So, I was aware of it but of course it was unfathomable.

And then when I became mentally ill, the focus shifted not to the Jews, Slavs or Russian POW's who were murdered or starved in the millions, but to the plight of the MI in Europe.  So, it is morbid but I can't seem to leave it alone.  A fact:  185,000 German Jews died in the holocaust (because they were only 1% of the population to begin with and many emigrated, and the 6 million or more were further East) but some 250,000 schizophrenics were murdered by some studies. It's all staggering to consider.  And then Stalin and Mao had totals of their own, and on and on.

But, no the mania, rage and then the crash are totally separate and not related to that.  That's biology I think.  The morbid fascination with evil has religious meaning to me.

Oh, and I want to add that when manic I sometimes struggle with whether I am good or evil, which is terrifying.  But I have one person who is important to me whom I love romantically, so I think OK then I must not be evil.  In the most troubling moments of a fevered mind

Edited by Will
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And Pol Pot. I started a thread a while back about Heroes, which never really took off to be honest, but there's some good stuff there. But that was to stem my miserable outlook with stories of people doing good. Depression can make you see everything that's flawed and crap and nothing else. Humans aren't all awful.

I don't know if this is relevant or not but I'm probably a good person. An often sweary and obscene sounding person but still someone who wants to care and doesn't want to cause any offense. Depression sets in and I think "Fuck everything and everyone!" Everything seems shit and worthless and I don't fucking care. And how can I be a good person when I'm thinking "Fuck everything and everyone". And there's guilt and self-loathing for thinking like that. I'm evil. I'm a fucking prick. But I don't want to think like this, and that's why I hate myself. It's not an ideal situation. Fucking understatement.

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