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I've always never identified specifically as male or female, always just wanted to be just neutral. Most of the time i dress in a neutral manner, and keep my hair short.

I dont know how to proceed with this. I dont think my husband will take me seriously, my parents will probably tell me im too old for this and just i dont think all round it will be accepted. 

But i think my gender dysphoria has played a big part in why i have an eating disorder, because i want to be small and neutral and not look like a big fat woman.

Im seeing my therapist this afternoon, and im going to bring it up with her and see what she says.

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have you heard of the term non-binary? that's what lots of people use to describe themselves when they identify differently than the man or woman options. it's how i describe myself. personally i think i'm somewhere between the two, rather than fully neutral. there are aspects of masculinity i identify with, and aspects of femininity i also identify with. 

i have a degree of body dysmorphia that has gotten better over the years as i've gotten more comfortable with how i identify. it's hard to wish your body looked a different way. i'm sorry you've struggled with an eating disorder because of it. 

i'm not "out" to the general public, per se, but over the years i've communicated that i don't feel comfortable with typical femininity. honestly, it helps that i'm a lesbian, because people seem to understand better why i have masculine leanings and write me off as butch. i wear almost exclusively men's clothing and go to barbers to get my hair cut.

have you considered buying a binder? i'm not sure how much you know about them, but it's a garment that sort of looks like a tank top that is made to compress your breasts in a safe manner. gc2b makes excellent binders made in the US in a few different styles and colours with sizes up to 5X, and underworks offers some cheaper options that lots of people swear by. i've linked their most popular style, as their website is a bit more confusing to navigate. personally, i love gc2b, and i own their half-tank style. i've used it for a few years now on and off and it's in great shape.

other things that help me are being out online (like here, where my gender is listed as non-binary), letting my body hair grow out, and telling a few good friends who use language that is comfortable and gender-affirming to me. i still use she/her pronouns in real life because they don't bother me enough to try and change it, and i don't correct people who call me "miss", "girl", etc. it used to bother me more, but over time, i felt that i was comfortable enough in how i felt that it didn't matter what others saw me as. obviously, this doesn't work for everyone, but it's enough for me.

don't underestimate the power of clothing in making you feel good about yourself. there is power and relief to be had in getting rid of anything that makes you feel like you're pretending to be someone you are not.

there's no right or wrong way to be gender neutral. i know the only media representation of it tends to be androgynous pale waif-like young people, generally dressed in men's clothing, but you don't have to be skinny to be gender neutral. you don't have to leave behind all feminine identifiers. be who you are, and try to enjoy the journey. self-discovery can be scary, but it's also a door to a new feeling of being at home in your body.

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What do you do? Whatever the fuck you want to do, which is also what you should do if you did identify with specific gender. It's probably confusing to feel non-binary but I think that what gender means should be damn well confusing to everyone. I'm a man - I have the dangly genitals and facial hair and everything, though fuck knows what this should mean. Man up! Act like a man! I don't think anyone really understands gender. I certainly don't. There's a shit load of nurture but probably some nature underneath that. I'm not sure which people who say they're gender neutral are talking about.

Women have often been told that they can't do this or that because they have wombs, which make them emotional and irrational. Load of shit. The male genitalia isn't known for it's rationality. What am I talking about? I guess it's that I'm 'normal' in not having any doubts about my gender, though having many doubts about what that should mean. When people say that they're non-binary I don't really know what it means. There's an idea that men and women are physically different and nothing else. Seems a bit extreme since it doesn't leave any room for transexuals. Ah fuck! I don't know. But then neither does anybody else. I guess that's my question for non-binary people - aren't those concepts of gender which you don't identify with illusions anyway?

Not trying to be an arsehole or anything. Just something I've thought about but don't know the answer to.

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CBs suggestion board provides a nice little history lesson of 15-20 years worth

 

People had to really push for "Other" as a 3rd option. Velvis had to google hard to work out how to make IPB recognise 3

 

Then later people wanted more personalised. There were suggestions like "Lotus flower" as a gender option. Can't remember if that was ever realised

 

It was revised again later

 

If you view profiles of long time members, some will still have the old versions. I think mine auto changed from"man" to "male" when i edited something else

 

that was mostly a reply to FiS BTW

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