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I think my relationship just ended this afternoon. I kinda hope it did. I can't deal with this again. I hurt, but I am relieved. He told me to wash his laundry so he can pack. I packed all the clean laundry and washed the dirty. We have not talked since. The tension is so high in the air.

I hurt. But so numb. This is for the better, but it will make life very complicated for a while. And what will I do with his stuff that he can't take right away? How do I sort the stuff that is mutual? Once things are sorted, it will be better. But I'm scared.

Five and a half years.

He didn't like how I raise and discipline my daughter. We don't agree on discipline - we never will. He feels disrespected. I feel like I am unable to parent the way I believe I should parent. It is the right thing - splitting up. It has been coming for ages. I've not been happy. I don't love him, I haven't for a long time. But it is what I've been used to.

I'm scared it won't happen - that he will stay. I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to stand up and go through with it if he changes his mind. I feel bad that I want him gone. But I do.

And I'm worried about him. He has nothing. He has no one. I know leaving here will harm him a great deal. But maybe it will be good for him too.

It had to be his choice. I wasn't strong enough. 

I'm scared and I hurt.

Just had to vent somewhere. I've told no one yet, other than my daughter. I won't until it is real. But I had to say it somewhere. Sorry.

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4 minutes ago, PersonalEnigma said:

I think my relationship just ended this afternoon. I kinda hope it did. I can't deal with this again. I hurt, but I am relieved. He told me to wash his laundry so he can pack. I packed all the clean laundry and washed the dirty. We have not talked since. The tension is so high in the air.

I hurt. But so numb. This is for the better, but it will make life very complicated for a while. And what will I do with his stuff that he can't take right away? How do I sort the stuff that is mutual? Once things are sorted, it will be better. But I'm scared.

Five and a half years.

He didn't like how I raise and discipline my daughter. We don't agree on discipline - we never will. He feels disrespected. I feel like I am unable to parent the way I believe I should parent. It is the right thing - splitting up. It has been coming for ages. I've not been happy. I don't love him, I haven't for a long time. But it is what I've been used to.

I'm scared it won't happen - that he will stay. I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to stand up and go through with it if he changes his mind. I feel bad that I want him gone. But I do.

And I'm worried about him. He has nothing. He has no one. I know leaving here will harm him a great deal. But maybe it will be good for him too.

It had to be his choice. I wasn't strong enough. 

I'm scared and I hurt.

Just had to vent somewhere. I've told no one yet, other than my daughter. I won't until it is real. But I had to say it somewhere. Sorry.

I don’t think you have anything to apologize for. I wish you all the best at getting everything resolved

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nothing to be sorry for. venting is healthy, and it sounds like it's too fresh to start telling people in real life. 

it sounds like the best thing for you and your daughter. it's hard on kids and adults when the parenting styles don't mesh. sounds like you might have more peace once everything is done and settled.

it's very scary, making such a big change to your life. i hope you're able to navigate through the hard parts okay. you're right, things will get easier once his items are gone and everything is stable again. getting to that point is the hard part, though. take care of yourself. you might find it helpful to start a blog here just to get your thoughts down through the split. lots of folks find journaling cathartic, and it seems to come easier for some when it's online. 

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Thanks for listening. Life is so confusing... Everything has settled and smoothed over like nothing happened. We have not talked about it. Not sure where I am at. But life goes on - status quo. Still numb. Not splitting makes things less complicated... but it also means I'm still in this difficult situation. Just living one day at a time for the moment. It's all I can do.

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