After one visit with the trauma therapist, I am having nightmares. It's one continuing nightmare, night after night until I find a way to resolve the trauma in the nightmare.
Usually I would go back to my mother to confront her about what I was dreaming and she would admit, it really did happen. Just by her admission, that was enough to resolve the continual dreams. Now that freaked me out at that time, that she would even admit that this or that happened to me and it was then that I realized my trauma memories surface thru my dreams. When the dream is that vivid and I can remember it for days on end, I now know that it's a trauma memory that has been activated by something.
This is a new trauma memory and since my mother is deceased, I am unable to validate it. Since this dream is recurring and vivid in my memory now, it's another trauma memory that surfaced.
On Friday, I go in to see my trauma therapist for the second time. I will feel the urge to tell her in detail about this memory, but that will be very activating. She asked me not to make appts on a Friday due to the work being done and that I would have the whole weekend unable to reach her. I did make another appt next Monday with her, just in case.
So, to help myself, I pulled out a trauma workbook that will walk me thru this trauma memory and hoping that will help me until I can get in to see her.
I went into the ER for trying to kill myself and they had a male doctor come in and take all the sticky wire things of me. I had to pull my shirt up. It triggered me because of past sexual trauma and because i am transgender. He was also making a creepy smile while doing it witch is espeically weird because i was literally in the ER for trying to kill myself. Geez, great pediatricin.
In my continued problems with insurance I've gotten into the position where I think I have insurance but I don't know what it is or the formulary or what I'm supposed to pay for it. Which is seriously screwing me up
I ran down to the last tablets (Ambien CR) and went to the Pharmacy I use and sked them to do a refill (Its one of those drugs that needs a new script every month) I waited and waited an they called to tell me "Your refill was rejected we are asking your doctor to do a prior authorization" that went no where until I called them and they asked me if I had tried Meletonin, trazadone and all the other junk that never worked for me. So... more waiting. I called to explain I was really out now and if Ambien was just not allowed "maybe" asm gdoc about Hydrozyzone Pamoate as I had taken that once with some kind of pain pill and one or the other was good for 4 hours. They get that oked right away and it worked sort of. It put me out like a light and for the next 24 hours I was walking around like I was vegged out. If your in pain from surgery and on some kind of narcotics I guess adding this helps with pain relief and it certainly in my case makes sleeping all day possible.
So while taking this I start having dreams (I rarely have dreams that I can remember) I can remember (And waking up a couple times every night) I wake on once to see photographic detailed pictures of things from my life. Like my friends old guitar *Or at least a cracked "photo" where I could see a corner of it. The old old time sink from a place I lived (Like the old kind from 1930s or 40s) and I had this feeling that I had my eyes open a crack. So I wove my hand in front of my face. Nothing. I opened my eyes a little and their is my hand waving around and all the pictures just blink off.
Closing my eyes didn't bring them back.
How werid is this? Has anyone heard of this happening?
The end of the story is my Dr got them to send the Ambien and I'm back to just taking one and being dead to the world for 7 hours. I got this weird notice filled with double talk and explaining that I may or may not be covered and that the date I was covered was this to then and no idea who or what the "insurance is" Can someone PLEASE give the healthcare system an enema?
I'm starting this topic because I'm curious about the connection between psychosis/hearing voices and dreams, specifically lucid dreams.
Now I don't have lucid dreams very often but when I do I'm always interacting with my voices (who, if I believed my previous delusions, are telepathic communications of people I know IRL) in their physical form in a virtual, dream-like plane. My voices would have me believe that everyone lucid dreams all the time (except for me) and it's a way of interacting with other voices telepathically albeit with physical manifestations of each other. It can often be a way of two people having intimate, sexual experiences with each other without being in the same physical location of one another.
I once had one dream which revealed what would then go on to be a deeper delusion where all my voices were in fact talking to each other via a text-based instant-messaging-like program (eg. IRC).
Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? ie. where some dreams involve interacting with their voices in a more "up close & personal" way?
EDIT: I forgot I posted about this already nearly a year ago Seeing the voices as an IRC style chat program so apologies for the repost
This morning i had a really vivid scary dream, i woke up in a panic thinking that what i dreament really did happen...my heart started to race i felt like i was going to get sick and then i just started crying ... it took me like an hour after i woke up to shake it off.. they are the type of dreams that you remember through out the day . i am not sure if this is an anxiety thing or what? but has anyone ever felt like this.