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On 12/7/2019 at 2:50 PM, wavesontheshore said:

I haven’t spoken to him in nearly 2 months, as stupid as it is I do miss him, I remember when he would be kind and caring before he would be horrible. It hurts cause I was always the one reaching out to him after the break up, he always hid how he truly felt. I remember when I finally had the courage to tell him we shouldn’t speak anymore, he started messaging a lot more, mentioning how we should speak from time to time. However it was always me initiating contact. I thought he didn’t care anymore and that he doesn’t care about me anymore,  but something always happens.

I would cut contact completely and begin the journey of moving on if he is affecting you to the point you hurt yourself. Cliche as it is there are plenty more fish in the sea and better ones at that.

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you are growing new skin all the time. your skin completely renews itself every 27 days or so. the old you that he touched may already gone. i know how much better cutting can make you feel. i ju

I've stopped self-injuring now, but before I quit I found that I could tell therapists and doctors about the cutting without them wanting me to go in the hospital. The big thing they were concerned ab

you sound like you're in a lot of pain right now. i know how it feels when nothing else works but cutting. it's a dark and scary place to be. in the grand scheme of healing, two and a half months

Hi guys 

its been a while, I’m sorry for being gone again. My therapist suggested anti depressants and last Wednesday I visited my GP. We discussed my depressive episodes and we agreed it would be good for me to go on anti-depression tablets. I’m on Sertraline 50mg. It’s only been 3 days, I don’t really feel much I guess. I know it takes a few weeks for the tablets to start working but I have to admit I’m quite sad I’m on anti-depression tablets now. I thought I wouldn’t need them and I thought 3 months ago my depression would have been healed by now. 

I also spoke to my ex-boyfriend. After we broke up, he always mentioned we’ll see each other again but then months flew by, whenever I asked him if he was open to meeting me he would always say he was. I messaged him this week out of the blue, asking if he would like to see each other maybe once before the year ends, he mentioned no and that he doesn’t care about me at all. I asked him about all the other times he said he wouldn’t mind and all he said was feelings change and he doesn’t care if he ever sees me again.

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All I want to say is life is so empty. This year has been so horrible and I’m not looking forward to next year at all. The first few months I know all I’m going to think about is memories with my ex boyfriend. Even though he was horrible, life is empty without him now. Sure I have my friends here and I am so grateful, but I feel they don’t understand how I feel.

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i know the emptiness. it's horrible. i'm sorry you're stuck in it right now.

sertraline was a good med for my depression. it gave me quite a bit of energy. i had to discontinue because it was exaggerating my obsessive/anxious features. i hope it helps you -- lots of people here have liked it. it is a strange feeling to go on medication for the first time. i found it depressing, but at the same time, it made me hopeful that there was a possibility that i could feel better.

what an awful conversation to have with your ex. no matter how good or bad a person is for us, rejection still stings. i hope you can be gentle with yourself right now, and remind yourself that you have value and worth, even if he doesn't see it.

do you have any kind of creative outlet? i know it's hard to motivate yourself to do things while depressed, but sometimes you can harness the depression and channel it into something more positive. drawing or otherwise making art, reading, writing, knitting/crocheting, cooking, journaling, making music, etc -- all of these are good outlets for heartbreak and depression. what you make doesn't have to be good; it's the act of making that soothes the brain.

i hope the new year treats you more kindly than this year has.

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1 minute ago, echolocation said:

i know the emptiness. it's horrible. i'm sorry you're stuck in it right now.

sertraline was a good med for my depression. it gave me quite a bit of energy. i had to discontinue because it was exaggerating my obsessive/anxious features. i hope it helps you -- lots of people here have liked it. it is a strange feeling to go on medication for the first time. i found it depressing, but at the same time, it made me hopeful that there was a possibility that i could feel better.

what an awful conversation to have with your ex. no matter how good or bad a person is for us, rejection still stings. i hope you can be gentle with yourself right now, and remind yourself that you have value and worth, even if he doesn't see it.

do you have any kind of creative outlet? i know it's hard to motivate yourself to do things while depressed, but sometimes you can harness the depression and channel it into something more positive. drawing or otherwise making art, reading, writing, knitting/crocheting, cooking, journaling, making music, etc -- all of these are good outlets for heartbreak and depression. what you make doesn't have to be good; it's the act of making that soothes the brain.

i hope the new year treats you more kindly than this year has.

I never thought in my life I’d be this depressed. There was a time I was genuinely getting better then I kept getting sucked back into something awful with my ex.

 

its not fair. I have to live with all this pain and suffering he caused me and he’s fine. It makes me so angry. I betrayed my own body, but at the same time I’m angry with life. I don’t understand why can’t things just fall into place. My worst mistake was meeting him.

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I can't address the relationship part better than echo has, but wanted to say that Sertraline has pulled me out of severe depression twice. I hope it helps you like it did me. It can take a month or more to really work, unfortunately, especially if you've been depressed a long time. If it helps but not enough, you have room to go up with the dosage.

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2 minutes ago, Juniper29 said:

I can't address the relationship part better than echo has, but wanted to say that Sertraline has pulled me out of severe depression twice. I hope it helps you like it did me. It can take a month or more to really work, unfortunately, especially if you've been depressed a long time. If it helps but not enough, you have room to go up with the dosage.

When did you start noticing a change in your feelings once you took setraline? And may I ask what kind of change you felt ?

Guys with my relationship between me and my ex, the reason I’m so hurt is because these past 2 years I feel like nothing has worked out. I had to move to a new school which I hated, then when I was finally done with that he came back into my life and we started a relationship. He was the most sweetest and caring guy ever, then the depression made him so cruel. I feel like whatever I touch or love, turns horrible.

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4 minutes ago, wavesontheshore said:

When did you start noticing a change in your feelings once you took setraline? And may I ask what kind of change you felt ?

The first time, it probably took around 6 weeks till I started to feel a difference? It felt longer than that, but looking back at the timing, it must have been around that time frame. I had been severely depressed and self-injuring for many months at that point. The change was pretty gradual, but things started to feel clearer, more real (I was dissociating), and less dark. I started to have normal feelings again and to enjoy being around my family and friends.

The second time was after I had a baby, and there was so much going on and I was so out of it in the beginning that I really don't remember how long it took to work. But I went from crying all the time and feeling like my baby wasn't mine, to feeling very connected to my child.

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5 minutes ago, Juniper29 said:

The first time, it probably took around 6 weeks till I started to feel a difference? It felt longer than that, but looking back at the timing, it must have been around that time frame. I had been severely depressed and self-injuring for many months at that point. The change was pretty gradual, but things started to feel clearer, more real (I was dissociating), and less dark. I started to have normal feelings again and to enjoy being around my family and friends.

The second time was after I had a baby, and there was so much going on and I was so out of it in the beginning that I really don't remember how long it took to work. But I went from crying all the time and feeling like my baby wasn't mine, to feeling very connected to my child.

6 weeks is a long time. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, I can’t handle this anymore I feel like there’s a constant war going on in my head. I feel so worthless, useless, nothing matters anymore. I don’t matter. He made me feel so worthless so invisible, I had to beg for his attention.

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Just now, wavesontheshore said:

6 weeks is a long time. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, I can’t handle this anymore I feel like there’s a constant war going on in my head. I feel so worthless, useless, nothing matters anymore. I don’t matter. He made me feel so worthless so invisible, I had to beg for his attention.

It's a very long time when you're feeling awful. If you feel like you truly can't hold on and you're not safe, then you may need to go to the hospital.

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2 minutes ago, Juniper29 said:

It's a very long time when you're feeling awful. If you feel like you truly can't hold on and you're not safe, then you may need to go to the hospital.

I don’t want to go the hospital I guess I just want an immediate change fast. I’m so tired of all this pain, all this crying, why do I deserve this. I’m going to start taking a full pill tomorrow, for the first 4 days my doctor told me to break the pill in half and have it like that. After a week will I see any gradual changes ?

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3 minutes ago, wavesontheshore said:

I don’t want to go the hospital I guess I just want an immediate change fast. I’m so tired of all this pain, all this crying, why do I deserve this. I’m going to start taking a full pill tomorrow, for the first 4 days my doctor told me to break the pill in half and have it like that. After a week will I see any gradual changes ?

You don't deserve it, nobody does. I can't say when you will see changes because everyone is different. But keep holding on. You are stronger than you think. You're strong for getting help, strong for making it through each day when existing hurts so much. It will get better. You can do this.

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1 minute ago, Juniper29 said:

You don't deserve it, nobody does. I can't say when you will see changes because everyone is different. But keep holding on. You are stronger than you think. You're strong for getting help, strong for making it through each day when existing hurts so much. It will get better. You can do this.

If you don’t mind me asking, would you say you’re better now and not depressed anymore?

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1 minute ago, wavesontheshore said:

How long did it take?

I'm not sure I understand the question. My depression is episodic and recurrent, I've had periods of 2+ years with no significant depression (not what I consider significant, anyway). I expect the depression to come back but I have lots of medication options if/when that happens.

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30 minutes ago, Juniper29 said:

I'm not sure I understand the question. My depression is episodic and recurrent, I've had periods of 2+ years with no significant depression (not what I consider significant, anyway). I expect the depression to come back but I have lots of medication options if/when that happens.

I’m so sorry, I hope one day the depression goes away forever. 2 years without depression is incredible

Are there any medications to make you forget things? And would you say there are any side effects to taking anti depressants ?

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