I may be a complete moron

[Complicated toad]

Two weeks ago thought a little bit of wine sounded good.

Umm seven trips through rehab didn't clue you in that this may be a bad idea?

Nope - solution this week equals buy wine in the box instead of the bottle, less trips to store.

Not bad, drinking wine not liquor it will be ok.

Fuck that you are already starting to shake early in the day before wine is consumed.

My cat just burped.

[BouncingBiscuit]

Alcohol is a slippery slope, one that I am thankful to no longer be jostling down.

I stay away from it now, not in the sense of "oh i can't be near you because you drink" but as "I definitely can't even have a sip brother". I hope you are able to stop, I had stopped by gradually slowing down to the point of no longer drinking and now instead of a tripel for breakfast I have a cup of coffee

[Fluent In Silence]

Don't call yourself a moron because that's part of it. The self-loathing and thinking that you're just an idiot who can't be better than this. You know what you did and you aren't a moron.

[Cerberus]

If it's any comfort, I do not think you can be a complete moron; judging by your avatar, you are at least part toad.

You can't apply a label like 'moron' to yourself when part of what you're facing isn't about your ability to think. Addiction is complex, and includes physical factors that drive behavior. You stumbled. You fell down. You went *boom*.  Get up, bandage the wound, and carry on.  Berating yourself is not helpful, and it's an insult to toads.

[Complicated toad]

On 2/1/2020 at 6:51 PM, Cerberus said:

Berating yourself is not helpful, and it's an insult to toads.

Very wise.  I am fond of toads and do not want to soil the toad reputation.  In my observations they (we?) are generally very stoic and peaceful animals.

Thanks all for the encouragement.  Besides some mean cravings it is all much better now.  I want to say that my original post was stupid and I feel embarrassed for writing it, but now I am just back to berating myself.  It's done and over and I can try to eke together some gratitude that it is.  Onward towards a more positive toady future!

[notloki]

Alcohol is a terrible drug. There is no safe amount. Even a beer a day causes damage. Come on, what do you expect ? IT IS A FUEL It is used as a disinfectant. Would you drink a disinfectant or fuel. I hope not. It angers me that it is legal, drugs with this toxicity should not be offered as a drink for human consumption while meds like THC/CBD are made illegal. They have low toxicity.   

Beware those of you who drink every day, have several drinks. Alcohol acts like a benzo and with it comes anti seizure ability. If you have been drinking every day and quit cold turkey you are at risk for seizures. Alcohol is messy and effects many systems. A beer and cocktail contain roughly the same amount of Alcohol. A drink is a drink.

[Complicated toad]

@notloki I completely agree.  In the worst of my substance abuse days, I was using crack and meth and whatever else I could get my hands on, yet the drug that put me in the icu more than once, caused internal damage, damaged the most family and friend relationships, and was the all around hardest to quit was alcohol.  The withdrawal is dangerous, your pulse and blood pressure go through the roof in addition to the seizures.  And because it is legal, the addiction sneaks up on you.  I thought my behavior was completely normal for years since drinking is socially acceptable.  It wasn't until I noticed my body shook when I went too long without drinking that I realized something was wrong.