Why do I look and sound weird all the time - are these symptoms of MI or just anxiety?

[jeva39]

When i'm at my best i know i don't look or sound weird at all, but when i'm anxious and require some kind of medication like valium to be less dysregulated i seem to put others off. i come across as immature - I feel worthless, defective... i don't know.. i wonder if it could be seen as anxiety combined with negative symptoms? i'm grasping at straws. a lot of people struggle with anxiety but it doesn't affect their ability to function, as far as appearance goes. and i certainly can't see this as solely a psychologically based issue.  i wonder if years of med treatment along with withdrawals and multiple psychotic episodes has made my nervous system irreversibly hypersensitive, i don't recall ever being as sensitive to med changes in the past as i am now. i'd like to try clozapine as iv heard great things but i'm worried that trying it when i'm not in crisis could backfire in some way. perhaps it'll be more effective when i'm in the middle of an episode. the meds listed below are current

Edited January 9 by jeva39

[Gearhead]

Can you put a finger on just what makes you feel as if you’re conspicuous? 

[jeva39]

I suppose it has something to do with the reactions i receive from people - i know that's flimsy but i can't seem to think of anything else., it's just a instinctive feeling i have about how people react to me. I did have a friend once who when i asked him "do you think i make people uncomfortable?" responded, "i think you THINK you make people uncomfortable".. basically he was alluding to a self fulfilling prophecy. but on the other hand this friend i think on many occasions treated me not so much as a friend but as a project (even while he was someone i looked up to), and it took me a while in retrospect to realize that...other than that i can't say much more, it's a good question. perhaps my thoughts are distorted on this matter.

Edited January 10 by jeva39

[Fluent In Silence]

I get locked into myself sometimes and the outside world and other people barely exist. Must make me seem weird and unfriendly. And I know I do seem like that and the self-consciousness makes it worse. You're being weird and unfriendly! Stop it! How? It's not good to feel like this and I'd be a member of the human race if I knew how.

[Juniper29]

I come off as weird/awkward, especially when symptomatic. Not sure what it is exactly that I do that puts people off.