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Any opinions on parsing out differences between these, and treating each each symptom?  Is this still depression? Is my brain rendered dysfunctional without stimulants now??

I have chronic depression (dips down here & there), but then it always goes back to this level (nearly a baseline for me). I'm tired, blah, SO LISTLESS and all I want to do is lay in bed all day, comfy & nice. Today, I managed to go out to get groceries (was out of TP for crikes sakes), showered, then back to bed resting & staring at wall. No interest in listening to music, trying to read made me drowsy....

Not sad, not thinking of anything... just lying in bed, with no wherewithall or motivation to get up. Other factors: Winter weather, I've been on Ritalin break for 1 month.....Problem is, the last month on holiday, I was fine, active, good mood and had energy!! Blood tests are all normal. What gives?

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2 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Any opinions on parsing out differences between these, and treating each each symptom?  Is this still depression? Is my brain rendered dysfunctional without stimulants now??

I have chronic depression (dips down here & there), but then it always goes back to this level (nearly a baseline for me). I'm tired, blah, SO LISTLESS and all I want to do is lay in bed all day, comfy & nice. Today, I managed to go out to get groceries (was out of TP for crikes sakes), showered, then back to bed resting & staring at wall. No interest in listening to music, trying to read made me drowsy....

Not sad, not thinking of anything... just lying in bed, with no wherewithall or motivation to get up. Other factors: Winter weather, I've been on Ritalin break for 1 month.....Problem is, the last month on holiday, I was fine, active, good mood and had energy!! Blood tests are all normal. What gives?

I feel your pain. I often sleep for 12 hours each night and then can’t get up no matter what during this time of year. Unfortunately all I can do is sympathize cuz I have yet to find a solution that consistently works 

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1 hour ago, Juniper29 said:

I don't know the answer, but I'm the same way much of the time. I don't know if it's breakthrough depression symptoms or a side effect of medication. Interested to see if others have ideas.

Yeah, doesn't seem new or "breakthrough" for me...it's nearly my baseline. I'm either distinctly depressed, or in this apathy-type / lazy stage. I know all SSRIs give me the blahs/lethargy....but I'm on a very low-dose of Effexor, and it treats severe episodes/suicidal ideation, so I hate to go off it.

29 minutes ago, Iceberg said:

I feel your pain. I often sleep for 12 hours each night and then can’t get up no matter what during this time of year. Unfortunately all I can do is sympathize cuz I have yet to find a solution that consistently works 

This is me. 12 hours asleep, and I can't get up in the morning (even when I'm in a completely different timezone) I have trouble getting up, getting going.  Then I'm often taking naps in afternoon. It's not really "sleepiness" per say, it's just a blah, bored, comfortable, avoidant behavior that I can't shake. APATHY. Disinterest....nothing seems to treat this! 

I'm hoping this break from Ritalin will help boost the effect when I re-instate. It's such a shame that stimulants never continue to work the same as when you first start them. It's the only way I feel like a normal functioning person!

Edited by Blahblah
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I'm also similar in a number of ways. My new "baseline" (going on 15 years now) is mild sadness, moderate anhedonia, and large issues with motivation. I'm currently starting to improve on stimulant meds, but have only been on them for a month. 

My current working theory for myself is that this combo of symptoms is largely from ADHD with only a bit of depression on the side. These are the things that don't improve when I manage to get out of severe depression.

I don't have SAD, so no thoughts on that, but I have strong opinions about laziness. I think the word lazy gets wildly overused and I basically dislike it as a concept. You are describing a state where things are much more difficult. Trying to climb Mount Everest and only making it to base camp isn't lazy. Neither is being faced with Mount Everest and being intimidated by the challenge and finding it difficult to start. Labelling behavior as lazy treats it as if the difficulty is similar for everyone and it's not

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I’m not depressed now but I could still just lie here all day, especially if I forget my Concerta, it’s all over. But I do get up and go to work, it’s just when I’m home I can’t seem to do anything. SAD is a possibility. I should think that over. I agree about the lazy concept, but have surely thought I must be lazy and accused of it. 

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  • 10 months later...

I'm sorry. I had to laugh reading this. I relate so hard. I ask something along the lines of "am I depressed or just lazy?" every single time I see my therapist. SAD, normal depression, corona depression, so much time. Idleness really is the root of all evil. To be honest, I think it's the self-flagellating part of me that negates the fact I even have mental illness, has completely internalized late capitalism and says I'm just being a lazy, worthless worm. "Bootstraps! Pull yourself together! You can shower and feed yourself you can't be that depressed. PRODUCTIVITY EQUALS SELF WORTH" ...which, yes, partially true. I have been more depressed. It could be worse. Being productive does make me feel better... But this state of ennui and dread is also incredibly painful. Everything lacks meaning. It's the state I would often relapse and self-medicate to get myself going. To feel anything, to have motivation and joy. It's borderline anhedonia. Or at least comes very close to it. 

Things I've personally, found helpful: Forcing myself to wake up early (5-6am) with my light alarm clock. Sitting in front of my light box. Taking things incredibly slowly. Writing a to-do list the night before. Pomodori 25minute technique. Not laying in bed ever. ....and going to a 12 step meeting of any kind in the evening where I then sit feeling like a shell of a human being, but - surprise - I perk up at certain stories, shares, it gets me going somehow....oh, and volunteering tbh. something, anything to get outside of myself and in contact with others (which now ofc is impossible). this seems to help against the SADs somewhat 

Reading doomer political theory about laziness also helps....like how could I not feel the way I feel? *I'M* the sane one here.

It's a very tight rope dance between cutting myself some slack, showing compassion and also taking responsibility for myself... Which atm is also the ever eternal quest for the right meds 😧 

Edited by Waxwingblooming
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  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/11/2020 at 10:23 AM, Blahblah said:

Any opinions on parsing out differences between these, and treating each each symptom?  Is this still depression? Is my brain rendered dysfunctional without stimulants now??

I have chronic depression (dips down here & there), but then it always goes back to this level (nearly a baseline for me). I'm tired, blah, SO LISTLESS and all I want to do is lay in bed all day, comfy & nice. Today, I managed to go out to get groceries (was out of TP for crikes sakes), showered, then back to bed resting & staring at wall. No interest in listening to music, trying to read made me drowsy....

Not sad, not thinking of anything... just lying in bed, with no wherewithall or motivation to get up. Other factors: Winter weather, I've been on Ritalin break for 1 month.....Problem is, the last month on holiday, I was fine, active, good mood and had energy!! Blood tests are all normal. What gives?

Lazy is a value judgement, depression is an illness.

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16 hours ago, notloki said:

Lazy is a value judgement, depression is an illness.

Thank you. It just sucks that depression is an invisible illness, so to literally everyone in the outside world (except pdoc or therapist), views it as "laziness" or just a self-discipline, motivation, or attitude issue. There are plenty of people where this is the case, they just need to "shift" to a different mindset or whatever, and I wish it were possible for me.

I guess part of this disease is also berating myself when I cannot accomplish anything. I just want to crawl into a hole.

Edited by Blahblah
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