This is scary. Bad Withdrawals...

[Blahblah]

Forgot to take Lamictal yesterday (I took my other meds). Holy Hell, I took my dose today (on schedule) and I STILL feel awful!!  I've only been on 100mg....I thought Lamictal had a super-long half-life? Yesterday went like this:

10am - up, had breakfast

11am – slight Brain “swishes” started (was out the entire day)

12pm – Stronger Brain zaps start

1:30pm – Lunch (meat, salad/veg)

2:30pm – Sudden extreme exhaustion

4pm - more brain zaps =>  ZAP ZAP ZAP! 🤯

7pm - Irritability starts

11pm – Tea, bedtime, could not fall asleep (I haven't had insomnia in 2+ years)

...Night sweats…Restless legs.....

12am – Ruminations, feel weepy

..Insomnia ensues…(Toss & turn, sweaty/achey all night)

It's now 12pm,and I am STILL having brain zaps! I worry I’ll never be able ever taper, switch from, or withdraw from this med. You probably think well, with MI, WHY would you ever go off it? For me, longterm, these meds are band-aids. There is always a price.  Ok, maybe great at preventing acute/severe depression, but as a result, they rob me of any spark, joy, elation, happiness, libido, sexual sensation/response, feelings of reward, love.... This disturbs me. I used to know what positive emotions felt like…

So I’m stable, existing.....but still lacking will or any interest in living....

Edited February 2, 2020 by Blahblah

[mikl_pls]

1 hour ago, Blahblah said:

I thought Lamictal had a super-long half-life?

Its half-life is only 25 hours. Not too terribly long but not too terribly short.

1 hour ago, Blahblah said:

I worry I’ll never be able ever taper, switch from, or withdraw from this med. You probably think well, with MI, WHY would you ever go off it? For me, longterm, these meds are band-aids. There is always a price.  Ok, maybe great at preventing acute/severe depression, but as a result, they rob me of any spark, joy, elation, happiness, libido, sexual sensation/response, feelings of reward, love.... This disturbs me. I used to know what positive emotions felt like…

So I’m stable, existing.....but still lacking will or any interest in living....

I totally get you with this. I used to be such a creative, artistic, and goofy guy, but now I'm just a flat, empty shell of a flesh sack of bones with no personality or sense of humor. I used to know what positive emotions felt like too, but now I'm so blunted that I hardly feel anything but despair and insurmountable depression as no med seems to work (probably because of possible borderline personality disorder?). When I was first medicated, I felt like a human again for the first time in a long time. My first cocktail was Wellbutrin XL 300 mg, Adderall 40 mg, and Lamictal 200 mg. It was a lifesaver. Then I started developing psychotic features, and my pdoc that I started seeing recently at that time put me on Latuda, which helped me even more. But over the years, I have just been numbed out, like someone gave me a permanently-acting shot of novocaine in my limbic system and reward center. 

I have no interest in anything that used to interest me. I can't sit down and draw or color for more than 5 minutes because I get bored with it, and I used to enjoy the hell out of that. I haven't written a song in 6 years now. The attempts that I make all sound the same, use the same chord progressions, drum patterns, etc. Everything is so mundane. I can't stand it, but I don't know how to fix it.

I have no interest in pursuing a career or even getting a job. Nothing piques my interest anymore. I'm defeated, partially because every time I got an idea for something I wanted to do, my mother shot me down before I could even finish what I was talking about, but also partially from the meds I believe. I have considered going off all my meds, but if I don't have an SSRI on board at least, I go crazy with anxiety, vivid nightmares, and agitation, and if I don't have an antipsychotic, I get angry about everything, agitated, and psychotic. I kinda wish I had never started taking psychiatric medications, but if I hadn't I wouldn't be alive today. But what quality of life do I have if I can't do anything and don't feel like doing anything and am not interested in anything anymore?

[CrazyRedhead]

4 hours ago, Blahblah said:

existing.....but still lacking will or any interest in living....

This is exactly how I feel, so you aren't alone.

I stay alive for others that I care about, and who care about me, but feel that I'm existing, not really living.

[Blahblah]

6 hours ago, mikl_pls said:

Its half-life is only 25 hours. Not too terribly long but not too terribly short.

I totally get you with this. I used to be such a creative, artistic, and goofy guy, but now I'm just a flat, empty shell of a flesh sack of bones with no personality or sense of humor. I used to know what positive emotions felt like too, but now I'm so blunted that I hardly feel anything but despair and insurmountable depression as no med seems to work (probably because of possible borderline personality disorder?). When I was first medicated, I felt like a human again for the first time in a long time. My first cocktail was Wellbutrin XL 300 mg, Adderall 40 mg, and Lamictal 200 mg. It was a lifesaver. Then I started developing psychotic features, and my pdoc that I started seeing recently at that time put me on Latuda, which helped me even more. But over the years, I have just been numbed out, like someone gave me a permanently-acting shot of novocaine in my limbic system and reward center. 

I have no interest in anything that used to interest me. I can't sit down and draw or color for more than 5 minutes because I get bored with it, and I used to enjoy the hell out of that. I haven't written a song in 6 years now. The attempts that I make all sound the same, use the same chord progressions, drum patterns, etc. Everything is so mundane. I can't stand it, but I don't know how to fix it.

I have no interest in pursuing a career or even getting a job. Nothing piques my interest anymore. I'm defeated, partially because every time I got an idea for something I wanted to do, my mother shot me down before I could even finish what I was talking about, but also partially from the meds I believe. I have considered going off all my meds, but if I don't have an SSRI on board at least, I go crazy with anxiety, vivid nightmares, and agitation, and if I don't have an antipsychotic, I get angry about everything, agitated, and psychotic. I kinda wish I had never started taking psychiatric medications, but if I hadn't I wouldn't be alive today. But what quality of life do I have if I can't do anything and don't feel like doing anything and am not interested in anything anymore?

Me too. I used to be very creative, have hobbies, I played music also. Now I'm bored with everything can't sustain any interest....I often just want to trash everything (all meds) and find some way to reboot my brain. Chemically altered forever, I'm afraid of staying on these things for life.

Edited February 2, 2020 by Blahblah

[dancesintherain]

on your original concern...I know that in theory I shouldn't feel lamictal after missing a dose, but back when I was only taking it (those were the days--we're talking 2005ish), I had extreme fogginess, zappiness, nausea, etc.  I knew logically that it shouldn't be causing any of that, but believe me it did. 

[Blahblah]

14 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

on your original concern...I know that in theory I shouldn't feel lamictal after missing a dose, but back when I was only taking it (those were the days--we're talking 2005ish), I had extreme fogginess, zappiness, nausea, etc.  I knew logically that it shouldn't be causing any of that, but believe me it did. 

I was VERY surprised....I thought that only short half-life meds (like Effexor, before they made it XR formula) caused severe withdrawals, the nausea, heavy fogginess. Plus I'm only on 100mg... Maybe because I'm much older now (than when I first tried lamictal in like 2004) my brain is much more sensitive? Anyway, several hours after taking my dose, the brain zaps and all of this went away.

Brain Zaps really freak me out, it literally feels like you're being shocked with a jolt intense static electricity, it makes my head twitch. Like my neurons are all misfiring, or short-circuiting. It is sooooo weird. Years ago, my first pdoc looked at me like I was crazy. He thought I was making it up... "brain zaps" like he had never heard anyone experiencing this 🙄  I had them badly on Cymbalta too, for many months as I recall.

A Prozac taper helps with SNRIs. But Lamictal, what can you do? There must be supplements or high-dose vitamins you can take for it?

Edited February 3, 2020 by Blahblah

[dancesintherain]

5 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I was VERY surprised....I thought that only short half-life meds (like Effexor, before they made it XR formula) caused severe withdrawals, the nausea, heavy fogginess. Plus I'm only on 100mg... Maybe because I'm much older now (than when I first tried lamictal in like 2004) my brain is much more sensitive? Anyway, several hours after taking my dose, the brain zaps and all of this went away.

Brain Zaps really freak me out, it literally feels like you're being shocked with a jolt intense static electricity, it makes my head twitch. Like my neurons are all misfiring, or short-circuiting. It is sooooo weird. Years ago, my first pdoc looked at me like I was crazy. He thought I was making it up... "brain zaps" like he had never heard anyone experiencing this 🙄  I had them badly on Cymbalta too, for many months as I recall.

A Prozac taper helps with SNRIs. But Lamictal, what can you do? There must be supplements or high-dose vitamins you can take for it?

I think just going really slowly.  I was IP when I last went off it and too out of it to remember how they handled it.

youre definitely not the only one who has handled this.

[mcjimjam]

Lamictal withdrawal can be pretty nasty. I ran out when I was at a ski resort and it ruined the whole trip. I was really dizzy and disassociated. 

Edited February 3, 2020 by mcjimjam

[Ion]

On 2/2/2020 at 9:33 AM, mikl_pls said:

I used to be such a creative, artistic, and goofy guy, but now I'm just a flat, empty shell of a flesh sack of bones with no personality or sense of humor. I used to know what positive emotions felt like too, but now I'm so blunted that I hardly feel anything but despair and insurmountable depression as no med seems to work

This is also a problem for me, but in my case most of that change happened when I wasn't on meds. Over the 20 years I've been dealing with mental health problems I've only been on medication for about 5 (half of that time was back in college and half of that time is recently). For me it seems like this 'fade to grey' is either the progression of the illness itself or a sort of burnout that comes from the effort of trying to cope.