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How do you stop being a jerk when mixed?


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Got in a fight with my s.o. This evening. She didn't want me around so I'm sitting on a bench at the local park. How do you guys cope with arguments? I always feel like I'm right which makes it all so much worse. I feel like a big jerk all the time and have to walk on eggshells around her. I know I should just apologize. Even if I'm right. Because that's what a stable adult would probably do right? 

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6 minutes ago, Alien Navel Cord said:

Got in a fight with my s.o. This evening. She didn't want me around so I'm sitting on a bench at the local park. How do you guys cope with arguments? I always feel like I'm right which makes it all so much worse. I feel like a big jerk all the time and have to walk on eggshells around her. I know I should just apologize. Even if I'm right. Because that's what a stable adult would probably do right? 

I have not figured out how to really get control when mixed... ever 

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You suggested you're mixed, so maybe you're right, or mostly right, or sort of right, but your tone got away from you, which escalated things? Personally when I'm mixed, I try to nip it in the bud and tell my spouse that I'm mixed and not fully in control and then I hide in my bedroom until it blows over so I don't do any damage (though my episodes are short).

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7 minutes ago, mikl_pls said:

I have found PRN antipsychotics to help me a lot with mixed episodes and hypomanic episodes. Ones like Zyprexa, Haldol, Loxitane, Stelazine...

Yeah I use PRNs too, and while it calms the hair trigger a bit, it never really killed the irritability, just made me less likely to pick a fight... or Thorazine, which made me just sleep 

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9 hours ago, Unstrung Harp said:

You suggested you're mixed, so maybe you're right, or mostly right, or sort of right, but your tone got away from you, which escalated things? Personally when I'm mixed, I try to nip it in the bud and tell my spouse that I'm mixed and not fully in control and then I hide in my bedroom until it blows over so I don't do any damage (though my episodes are short).

Same here. Must watch closely when things escalate. best to breathe and agree to not discuss things when emotional.

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On 2/3/2020 at 9:42 AM, 0112358 said:

.....I stay away from other people as much as possible.

 

That may be the best strategy.   Working with a therapist during the episode might help also for situation specific strategies.   I apologize a lot.  Shows I'm trying to maintain the relationship, hopefully.

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  • 2 months later...
On 2/3/2020 at 5:23 AM, Blahblah said:

Same here. Must watch closely when things escalate. best to breathe and agree to not discuss things when emotional.

I posted a week or so about this, in many more words. It's been happening a lot with my oldest and best friend (might as well be my s.o.). I just wanted to say that seeing this thread makes me feel better knowing that other people fuck up, too. Thanks, dudes, dudettes, and dudems.

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I grit my teeth and don’t engage. Walk around with a sandy mouth a lot...

The best thing I know to do is say upfront “I’m mixed, my brain engine is running hot, the sound of my hair growing is pissing me off, I apologize in advance for whatever verbal war crimes I commit in the next week, I’ll be over here.” 

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 month later...

Most of what  we know isn't codifiable. Can't be put in words, and it's mighty hard to teach others. This even includes manual skills, etc.

Coping with bipolar is something one learns. You seem to  have had a lot of insight during this last episode/storyline; you've probably learned things you're not even aware of exactly. What does it take to walk a tightrope? 

Best of luck.

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