No energy, life or atmosphere in the world

[Sephiroth999]

I feel as if some point in time things were better. I would not call this "nostalgia" but more "sentimentality.

Nobody talks to each other anymore, nobody cares about each others feelings, everyone gets offended more easily, people have become more insular etc. etc.. I feel like the world wants it to feel like 2014 for the remainder of their lifetime.

There simply no way of meeting new people. ...Where once I had a social group with handfuls of friends I have only myself today. When approaching a different group of people that I want to know there is always this one person to point out how "weird" I am (No shit sherlock, he should become a private detective.). Some pretty girl tries to cheer me up but the relationship never lasts more than a few months.

The cycle seems to be make group of friends, become close to them, then lost then, over and over.

This I believe is the root cause of me being depressed.

How does one form genuine friendships these days? I feel the world had most of their dreams crushed. I'm just getting mine going again and I find noone with a positive ambition or drive as me. They are usually happy with a very fixed view of the world and I'm totally not like that.

I suppose I just want to be myself. I was once in the past and I will be able to once again, but until then It's depressing. 

[Blahblah]

I totally get this sentimentality. I have a very maudlin temperament. It is getting more difficult to authentically interact and meet people due to the all-consuming digital world we live in. I don't know your age, but age and life stage is a huge factor. After university, everybody retreats to their insular lives and families. They have their established friends. Meetup events are plenty, but friendships never seem to develop beyond the most surface level.

Do you feel like people reject you because they think you are "weird?" or too depressed? For years I completely blamed myself....thinking, well maybe I'm not interesting, outgoing, confident or happy enough. But society has changed and no longer supports real life interactions...authenticity, vulnerability. Everyone promotes a fake social media identity & perfect fantasy life.

Look at Japan, have you heard of Hikikomoris? Young people are becoming complete recluses, withdrawing from society, never leaving their room and only playing video games and going online all day for years at a time: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori    There are 700,000 individuals living as Hikikomori within Japan...mental illness is on the rise. This is where the world is headed, breakdowns of community...it is very sad.

Edited February 6, 2020 by Blahblah

[Sephiroth999]

28 minutes ago, Blahblah said:

I totally get this sentimentality. I have a very maudlin temperament. It is getting more difficult to authentically interact and meet people due to the all-consuming digital world we live in. I don't know your age, but age and life stage is a huge factor. After university, everybody retreats to their insular lives and families. They have their established friends. Meetup events are plenty, but friendships never seem to develop beyond the most surface level.

Do you feel like people reject you because they think you are "weird?" or too depressed? For years I completely blamed myself....thinking, well maybe I'm not interesting, outgoing, confident or happy enough. But society has changed and no longer supports real life interactions...authenticity, vulnerability. Everyone promotes a fake social media identity & perfect fantasy life.

Look at Japan, have you heard of Hikikomoris? Young people are becoming complete recluses, withdrawing from society, never leaving their room and only playing video games and going online all day for years at a time: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori    There are 700,000 individuals living as Hikikomori within Japan...mental illness is on the rise. This is where the world is headed, breakdowns of community...it is very sad.

I virtually never appear depressed when socializing. Its always the "weird" comments. To be honest, later I think to myself. "These were not the people I wanted to be around anyway". I really, really , really don't think the issue is age as most of my friends had nothing to do with my schooling or the stupid drug/drinking parties I went to in my early 20's. (turn 38 tomorrow). Every group of friends I ended up with had meaning. I freeking deleted ALL of my social media.When I deleted my Facebook it was like coming out of jail. The whole thing felt plastic and only 2 or 3 of them really want to meet me in the real world (we exchanged numbers) but it's weird because they rarely talk to me. They say "they are too busy" but I just KNOW it's a lie. I would love the question "So, when do you want to meet up I will even pay for your plane ticket to Dubai" to not have the reaction "When the sun starts recede" the online girls that are infatuated with me (not a hard task online, but only slightly harder IRL). If they are infatuated why do they not put in any effort to physically meet? IRL girls basically want me to give up my hopes, dreams and desires. Cluster B personality types that have to drag me down to their level. I know about the Hikiomouri, I have seen documentaries. I have gone beyond that stage and actually owning a home and building a life for myself. 

Edited February 6, 2020 by Sephiroth999
gramatical errors

[Blahblah]

29 minutes ago, Sephiroth999 said:

I virtually never appear depressed when socializing. Its always the "weird" comments. To be honest, later I think to myself. "These were not the people I wanted to be around anyway". I really, really , really don't think the issue is age as most of my friends had nothing to do with my schooling or the stupid drug/drinking partied I went to in my early 20's. (turn 38 tomorrow).

Every group of friends I ended up with had meaning. I freeking deleted ALL of my social media.When I deleted my Facebook it was like coming out of jail. The whole thing felt plastic and only 2 or 3 of them really want to meet me in the real world (we exchanged numbers) but it's weird because they rarely talk to me. They say "they are too busy" but I just KNOW it's a lie. I would love the question "So, when do you want to meet up I will even pay for your plane ticket to Dubai" to not have the reaction "When the sun starts recede" the online girls that are infatuated with me (not a hard task online, but only slightly harder IRL). If they are infatuated why do they not put in any effort to physically meet? IRL girls basically want me to give up my hopes, dreams and desires. Cluster B personality types that have to drag me down to their level. I know about the Hikiomouri, I have seen documentaries. I have gone beyond that stage and actually owning a home and building a life for myself. 

I don't ever appear depressed either, I'm a pretty high functioning depressive (when I need to be) I also had meaningful friendships in my 20's and haven't been able to develop the same quality friendships since. This is why I think much of it is due to age. Good for you, deleting your Facebook. I don't know why I don't - I guess because honestly, that seems to be the only place where people interact these days.

Yes, everyone is "Sooooo busy" no one calls or emails (except older generation). Nobody writes just to say hello or chat. It's like people are disposable now, like objects or they want something from you. If it's not convenient or instant validation, they'll just swipe, Next! People are not at all eager to commit to a relationship that is beyond texting. With online dating, there is the game playing thing, no one wants to look too desperate (like they have no life) or unhinged. Or maybe they have anxiety about meeting up?

Are these women living far away? if so, I can understand why they would not want to fly out to meet a stranger, or someone they don't know well....I think that is a normal, safety thing. I'm always told the best way to meet someone compatible is to immerse yourself in activities, hobbies and events or a course that you enjoy and a friendship will develop naturally over time....start small like a afternoon coffee or something. I haven't had much luck with that though. Happy early Birthday btw.

Edited February 6, 2020 by Blahblah

[Sephiroth999]

3 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I don't ever appear depressed either, I'm a pretty high functioning depressive (when I need to be) I also had meaningful friendships in my 20's and haven't been able to develop the same quality friendships since. This is why I think much of it is due to age. Good for you, deleting your Facebook. I don't know why I don't - I guess because honestly, that seems to be the only place where people interact these days.

Yes, everyone is "Sooooo busy" no one calls or emails (except older generation). Nobody writes just to say hello or chat. It's like people are disposable now, like objects or they want something from you. If it's not convenient or instant validation, they'll just swipe, Next! People are not at all eager to commit to a relationship that is beyond texting. With online dating, there is the game playing thing, no one wants to look too desperate (like they have no life) or unhinged. Or maybe they have anxiety about meeting up?

Are these women living far away? if so, I can understand why they would not want to fly out to meet a stranger, or someone they don't know well....I think that is a normal, safety thing. I'm always told the best way to meet someone compatible is to immerse yourself in activities, hobbies and events or a course that you enjoy and a friendship will develop naturally over time....start small like a afternoon coffee or something. I haven't had much luck with that though. Happy early Birthday btw.

The women want me to pay for basically everything, make me do all of the talking. They get agitated at the demisexuality (or don't understand it). On social media I was part of the whole "narcissist" witch hunt thing. No therapist has ever suggested Cluster B, but if I showed ANY kind of self appraisal, enjoyment of something they do not approve of or just behave in a way that if not ideal to their fairy tale fantasy I was the equivalent of Narcissus himself. Because I am not in love with THEM that makes me narcissistic JEEZ....They are also shocked to find out that I actually have a life and can't spend all day on social media with them, especially when they are sharing my chats with the other girls and such. I can already tell the reason some of them didn't want me in a private situation was for that very reason. The ones that DID want to meet me sort of had to put me down and call my dreams unrealistic often using "their brother" as an example. That was also a problem with the dorky naysaying men having to point out their view of how "what I am doing will not produce any results" when I AM producing results. I don't think they understood my obsession with Chinese Medicine either. Simply typing the terminology frightened them and made them plug their ears. ...How could I not be producing results when I am? Do they honestly want me to upload 31 years of scientific research to FACEBOOK? the ones who were into Chinese Medicine [This is where I get to have some ego about this] I was decades beyond, (so often I am told) I am light years beyond really old Chinese Masters. I can't find anybody on my level as far as the understanding of it all. I don't understand the mentality of people who want to reduce and atomize others. I feel as if they were truly my friends and girlfriends they would be cheering me on, not the other way around.

[Re: happy birthday] … Thank you.

Edited February 6, 2020 by Sephiroth999
want to thank for happy birthday

[jarn]

You talk about what's wrong with other people - but what do you like about them?  What do they bring to the relationship that's positive?  What do YOU bring to the relationship that's positive?

Relationships are a partnership if they're good ones, you don't sound like you're interested in being partners with any of your friends or these women.  You talk about how they're less than you.  

[Sephiroth999]

21 minutes ago, jarn said:

You talk about what's wrong with other people - but what do you like about them?  What do they bring to the relationship that's positive?  What do YOU bring to the relationship that's positive?

Relationships are a partnership if they're good ones, you don't sound like you're interested in being partners with any of your friends or these women.  You talk about how they're less than you.  

I brought most of "it" to the relationship. Somebody to be there, a shoulder to cry on, a good listener. I would help them with their problems. Listen to what they had to say. I was always open minded to their viewpoints. Entertain them etc..

I suppose I thought I wanted friendships with them in the beginning, but not after they start to take more than they give.

[jarn]

Yeah I'm thinking for whatever reason you're not finding compatible friends and girlfriends.

I'd think about your ideal partner/friend, and then where these people are?  It's a process though and tough. 

I like outdoor stuff and belonged to an outdoor club which was brutal in terms of the guy I met.  Met my husband running and not only did we have running in common but we had common values, and he was the first person who I told I was BP (second date) and - at the time I was taking lithium - by the next day he had done all this research on lithium and was able to talk to me about that.  But it was years of dating before I found him.  I went on dates with vegetarian and vegans (like me) and man!  We had that in common but nothing else.  They were terrible.

Dating can be brutal.  When it works, it's magical, but there's a lot of shit between/before.

[saintalto]

@Sephiroth999 Please make note that this is not the place to peddle your knowledge of Chinese medicine. You seem to have disregarded past warnings. 

Edited February 6, 2020 by saintalto

[Sephiroth999]

15 minutes ago, saintalto said:

@Sephiroth999 Please make note that this is not the place to peddle your knowledge of Chinese medicine. You seem to have disregarded past warnings. 

My bad. I"m still getting the hang of this board. I'll keep a strict note of it from now on.

[Sephiroth999]

58 minutes ago, jarn said:

Yeah I'm thinking for whatever reason you're not finding compatible friends and girlfriends.

I'd think about your ideal partner/friend, and then where these people are?  It's a process though and tough. 

I like outdoor stuff and belonged to an outdoor club which was brutal in terms of the guy I met.  Met my husband running and not only did we have running in common but we had common values, and he was the first person who I told I was BP (second date) and - at the time I was taking lithium - by the next day he had done all this research on lithium and was able to talk to me about that.  But it was years of dating before I found him.  I went on dates with vegetarian and vegans (like me) and man!  We had that in common but nothing else.  They were terrible.

Dating can be brutal.  When it works, it's magical, but there's a lot of shit between/before.

I think much of this can be summed up as simply "I am a misunderstood person". Or is that a cop out?

[jarn]

Well I think if you're always misunderstood you have to look at how you express yourself?  Or who you associate with?  There's ways to make yourself better understood I'm sure?  Dunno.

[Sephiroth999]

17 minutes ago, jarn said:

Well I think if you're always misunderstood you have to look at how you express yourself?  Or who you associate with?  There's ways to make yourself better understood I'm sure?  Dunno.

I believe I am misunderstood because I think, act, and am simply built differently that can not be classified under a label. A good friend of mine who has aspies summed my "problem" up as "a socially acceptable form of insanity". Personally I feel it as hate directed at me. If it's not hate (or a similar negative emotion) then my intuition is lying to me. People get mad and agitated at me for reason which I can not pinpoint. I know somebody about 10 years younger than me who has the same problem, he gets shit from people for no reason and can't trace the source of where it began. I have to rely 100% on my intuition to figure this all out, and it's draining me physically, mentally and intellectually. Nobody wrote an instruction manual on how to completely avoid conflict. If some of this pressure could be relieved I would be able to put so much positive energy into the things I love.

I an catching onto a pattern too which is I always have trouble determining when a friendship has ended. 

Edited February 6, 2020 by Sephiroth999

[Gearhead]

4 hours ago, Sephiroth999 said:

I believe I am misunderstood because I think, act, and am simply built differently that can not be classified under a label. A good friend of mine who has aspies summed my "problem" up as "a socially acceptable form of insanity". 

Just to clarify a point: A person may be diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, and have Asperger’s Syndrome, and refer to themselves as “an Aspie.” In fact that’s how I identify. But one does not “has Aspies.”

Carry on.

[Sephiroth999]

44 minutes ago, Gearhead said:

Just to clarify a point: A person may be diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, and have Asperger’s Syndrome, and refer to themselves as “an Aspie.” In fact that’s how I identify. But one does not “has Aspies.”

Carry on.

He is clinically diagnosed as "ASD". "Aspies" was a term that I read once before when somebody was speaking very loosely about it, sorry if I offended anybody.

Edited February 7, 2020 by Sephiroth999

[Gearhead]

3 hours ago, Sephiroth999 said:

He is clinically diagnosed as "ASD". "Aspies" was a term that I read once before when somebody was speaking very loosely about it, sorry if I offended anybody.

No problem. The terminology around autism has changed a lot in the past few years. There’s bound to be confusion.