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Doing what you say you'll do


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I don't quite know how to pose this: thought about a poll, but...nah...I have one SIMPLE QUESTION:

When you tell someone you will call them, do you often not? See, to me, if I say, "I'll call you, or "I'll BE THERE", and you don't here from me I am in one of 3 places:

1. Morgue

2. Hospital

3. Jail

Yet, I have friends AND lovers, who frequently say, I will call you tomorrow...and they don't. For no reason, they just don't...and days go by...

Specifically, lovers, in my case men, "I'll call you RIGHT BACK...." Or, I'll call you tomorrow at 4:00. Very closed ended.

I just wonder if women do this to men, and does it fuck you guys up? Cuz I'm like, "don't tell me you'll do something unless you will." I don't need the smoke blown up my ass, honest. Call me when you can, no biggie, right?

They (he) replies, "no, no, no...I'll call you right back."

This fucks with my head. Why? Why say it? and not do it, and do women do this to men with as much frequency?

This should really be a poll. This is not a TRUST issue, it's a politeness issue.

Thoughts? Experiences? Men? How do you feel, does it hurt you as much or do you blow it off easier than women do?

S9 needs help understanding this behavior!

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When you tell someone you will call them, do you often not? See, to me, if I say, "I'll call you, or "I'll BE THERE", and you don't here from me I am in one of 3 places:

1. Morgue

2. Hospital

3. Jail

This is a very appropriate topic for me right now, as just yesterday a friend I hadn't hung out with in awhile said he would call and we would hang out that day.  He did not.  It's nice when you have plans with someone and you just blatently get blown off.  AND (how's this for gossip) IT WAS SOMEONE FROM THIS VERY BOARD!!!!  OOOOOOO!!!!!!  Bad CBer. 

It has happened that I have been in such a funk that I don't return phone calls from people who left me a message, but it is usually because I am busy contemplating suicide and I don't care about anything else.  No excuse, it is still rude - but its not like I fucked a 14 year old or something. 

In the dating scene, I think it is understood that if a person doesn't call - they aren't interested.  It's cowardly yes, but less painful for the caller.  Harder on the call-ee.  I used to let it slide, but it is becoming so that even if I don't like the person I want to call them back and bitch them out.  It may be possible that the guy is just an absent-minded flake, or has a ton going on, and really does like you.  But if they are this busy, take it as a sign that you don't want to date them.  Trust me.  I could have saved a year and a half over this.  Decide it not calling is a deal breaker, and then tell the other person so. 

Also, and this may sound harsh but I am right there with you, maybe the people not calling have more going on than you.  If I am sitting home alone all the time, a person not calling me for a day will be an eternity.  If I am out and about, I may not notice. 

Now, post this boy's number so we can all prank call him.

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See, to me, if I say, "I'll call you, or "I'll BE THERE", and you don't here from me I am in one of 3 places:

1. Morgue

2. Hospital

3. Jail

Oh boy. And see, I instantly feel guilty about last week's missed meeting. *sigh* All I can say is that I *try*. But I can be a real shit about things like that. My apologies to the world, in advance. No, that's not sarcasm.

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See, to me, if I say, "I'll call you, or "I'll BE THERE", and you don't here from me I am in one of 3 places:

1. Morgue

2. Hospital

3. Jail

Oh boy. And see, I instantly feel guilty about last week's missed meeting. *sigh* All I can say is that I *try*. But I can be a real shit about things like that. My apologies to the world, in advance. No, that's not sarcasm.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

RABBIT:

WE didn't have a solid plan...!!! stop the guilt now!!! That's not even what I'm talking about, so don't muddy my water!!! We both flew out the door with a potential plan, not confirming, not even knowing what each other looked like!

I almost went to get my nose pierced instead...that isn't what I mean. Now, had we TALKED ON THE PHONE, and you said you'd be there, and you no show, no call...that's what I'm talking about. Total MIA, AWOL, whatever.

Stop now, or your gonna hafta buy my bagel when we do finally make it there.  ;)

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It annoys the fuck out of me when people say they are going to call me and they don't.  If you don't want to call, don't fucking say you will, simple as that.  Just be honest.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thank you for testifying. It has nothing to do with abandonment! *Issues* It's just plain fucking rude!!!!!

S9

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"DON'T THROW ROCKS,PLEASE"

I am "one of those" who does not call when I say I will ;)

Not because.........I DON'T WANT TO CALL.

I just don't feel like it.

This does not mean I don't like the guy or don't want to hang out.

I think I am just a flake. :)

I say stuff like.........Yea, sure let's do that this Friday.

(Exception is boyfriend and bestfriend)

I do this at work and with other long time friends.

I flake at lunch, after work. etc...........

I feel really, really bad because one of my long time friends got an award for women of the year at her work. I was so busy :P

I didn't call her back. (we have been friends for years)

(God only  knows why they are still my friends)

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As part of  The Four Agreements: Be Impeccable with your Word.

i try, but i'm hopeless sometimes, because i have every intention to do something and i forget midway to the thing. this includes things i promise i will do for myself. oh look, a shiny trinket i left in that drawer, i will play with that. i don't have ADD to blame as far as i know, so i chalk it down to lousy person skills and excellent self-flagellation skills.

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I get what you are saying for sure. 

I think people say it because they actually mean it at the time, but then when the time comes around they forget, or are distracted or something. 

I'm a flake, but never when it comes to actually commiting myself to a certain time frame.

I don't think it's intentional, and if it is that is just not cool. 

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I get what you are saying for sure. 

I think people say it because they actually mean it at the time, but then when the time comes around they forget, or are distracted or something. 

I'm a flake, but never when it comes to actually commiting myself to a certain time frame.

I don't think it's intentional, and if it is that is just not cool.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The thing is, and we all learn it in therapy 101, is if someone is doing something that's driving you bat shit, tell them! Well, I have had this conversation with this same person at least a dozen times. He's very well aware, even his dad said  :) before he died.

I don't really have an interest in dx'ing his reasons. I have simply said, "DONT SAY IT!" Just call me if you want, I'll call you if I want.

Like to night...he worked all day with his cell phone at home (NO PROBLEM), but he said, "I have to go run a few errands and I'll call ya..." Still waiting.

It's just RUDE. It doesn't trigger issues for me other than that he is willfully doing something that hurts me and why? It's not like I said, cut off all your public hair and run around the shop naked.

I know this is just the way he is, but what further pisses me off, is that I have another ijit just like him. And I just wonder, what do they think that makes this okay? They both use cells...I'm not gf to either of the.

Oh well. It does give me a chance to bust his balls when he says the words.  ;)

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