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Sephiroth999

Preferring to behave feminine rather than masculine to society

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I am wondering, is there anything morally wrong with this?

My uninhibited self is sort of a sexy Geisha Girl [see "Yoko Litter" for a very extreme of this]. Yes, I do dress 'that way' if the situation calls for it. I asked my friend with ASD about it and in his opinion is really is in actuality not feminine at all [miniskirts, heels, makeup etc.].

My caring, empathic. helpful and emotional behavior makes this pattern of behavior my natural state. It's instinctual for me to be caring and serving of others. My girlfriends usually call me a "lesbian".

My mother encourages it, but my father gets beyond uptight, nervous, jittery, angry and abusive when I behave that way around him, or even speak of it. It makes me not want to have anything to do with him whatsoever. Is that perhaps an insecurity with his own sexuality?

Can any of you relate to this problem?

Edited by Sephiroth999
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You can be caring, empathic, helpful and emotional while being a man. I know it's somewhat discouraged, but thinking that those are exclusively feminine qualities seems like bullshit. Not what you said really but yeah. Morally wrong? Nah.

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On 2/14/2020 at 10:12 AM, Sephiroth999 said:

I am wondering, is there anything morally wrong with this?

My uninhibited self is sort of a sexy Geisha Girl [see "Yoko Litter" for a very extreme of this]. Yes, I do dress 'that way' if the situation calls for it. I asked my friend with ASD about it and in his opinion is really is in actuality not feminine at all [miniskirts, heels, makeup etc.].

My caring, empathic. helpful and emotional behavior makes this pattern of behavior my natural state. It's instinctual for me to be caring and serving of others. My girlfriends usually call me a "lesbian".

My mother encourages it, but my father gets beyond uptight, nervous, jittery, angry and abusive when I behave that way around him, or even speak of it. It makes me not want to have anything to do with him whatsoever. Is that perhaps an insecurity with his own sexuality?

Can any of you relate to this problem?

There is NOTHING morally wrong with this. You are who you are. Human beings are complicated beings and cannot and should not be shoved into a box or compartment.

Everyone should be caring, empathetic, helpful, and freely express their emotions in a healthy way. It's human, but there's a thing called toxic masculinity that I won't go into because it makes me upset to think about. It's interesting that your girlfriends call you lesbian, because there may be a distinct possibility that you may be a trans lesbian woman. Maybe, maybe not, just something that occurred to me. Either that, or you just don't lie on an extreme end of the gender identity/sexual expression spectrum—androgyny? Gender non-binary? Gender-queer? It's all possible.

Your mother is right to encourage your natural behavior. Your father has some issues to deal with, big time. In time, he will either deal with it and come to terms with who you are, or he will remain an ass-clenched bigot, which would be a shame.

I have related to this "problem" (I don't consider it a problem anymore) throughout various phases of my life. Just before and around the time I came out to my family in my early 20's, I kinda went through a slightly fem phase. I was embracing a side of myself I was neglecting and restricting coming through. I could be almost contrived with my femininity at times. My therapist wondered out loud with me if I might be trans. I explored that, and thought briefly that I might be, but I am more or less comfortable with being sexually a "cis-male," although I identify both with and neither men and/nor women. I'm both androgynous and non-binary, though my outward appearance would suggest that I identify strictly masculine. I believe in all forms and expressions of gender identity, sexuality, and secondary sex traits. They all fall on a continuum. Different people have different brain chemistry/structures, different personalities, different environments (both in and out of the womb), different upbringings (environment perhaps), different hormone levels of androgens, progestins, and estrogens, etc., all which govern certain aspects of our sexuality.

I say be who you are and don't worry about your father. Whether he comes around in time is his own thing. If he does, good, he gets to keep you, if he doesn't, too bad, he doesn't get the privilege of being in your life should you chose to exclude such toxicity. You have your mother's support. I personally have always been closer to my mother than my father. My dad wasn't happy when I first came out, but he has come around a little. He's still firm in his fundamental traditional christian beliefs that "marriage is between a man and a woman" and hasn't opened his mind to the possibility that the bible can be interpreted in other ways than just that (it's easy to cite the bible in a manner that proves your beliefs right, but it's hard to cite the bible in a way that proves you might be wrong, mostly out of desire not to be wrong, not that the bible is explicit in its expression on certain topics; rather, it's rather ambiguous and often contradicts itself). But he still loves me dearly and lets me know that very often both verbally and with actions. He doesn't want to lose me in his life. Fathers can often be critical of males if they're anything other than cis-male, "masculine"-acting, "straight"-acting, "manly men." Define manly... It's cultural. In other cultures, men hold hands, especially if they're close friends. In our culture, that "gay." Fuck that (and fuck our toxic masculinity culture...)

This is not a "problem" as you have proposed it to be. I say work on embracing yourself, focus on your mother's love and acceptance for you, offer your father chances to remain in your life and if he chooses over a long span of time not to embrace who you are, fuck him. He's not worth the toxicity he would bring in your life.

TL;DR: Be you, love you, and fuck anyone who says you can't be yourself.

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I object to the use of "preference" as I see these behaviors as more innate than a choice. 

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