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Does anyone else fear nonexistence and oblivion?


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I've been depressed and have experienced suicidal thoughts for a long time. I've tried to kill myself multiple times but I've stopped from actually doing it because I fear death. I've always have since the very beginning.

I don't know how I feel about religion. I don't know which side I should join. I don't want to kill myself because I fear the idea of "oblivion" and nonexistence. The idea of "being asleep" forever without dreaming (Or how else someone might describe it) fears more than anything else. I want to die, but I want to exist too. Call me wishy washy because I am. Whenever someone talks about why they choose to live it's always something like family and responsibility but I simply have little to no connection with anything in the world. It's selfish, I know but I feel kinda alone and left out that apparently no one else I know has the same motivation as me for noting choosing to die.

Sorry for this dumb post. I just wanted to vent.

Edited by MisterMelancholy
Clarification.
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I know some people do believe in existence after death. Heaven, reincarnation, whatever else they imagine. I don’t have that belief although I wish I did. Wanting to avoid nonexistence is as good a reason as any to continue living. I’m glad it gives you a reason and hope things can improve for you. 

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