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episode? or just releasing from the med appointment?


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the back story for those who are reading who haven't heard me rant and anxiously write about it is that I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday that really triggered PTSD crap.  I think that probably serves as enough back story.  (I'm fine with people sharing details in replies, I just don't know that it's necessary for a fact.)

I'm currently in and out of a state of dysphoria. Not in an I'm going to kill myself sense, but more in an agitated sadness--depression, anxiety, and agitation mixed together.  Wouldn't be too upset if I were to end up dead, but not going to actively do anything.  WTF brain.  You're supposed to be feeling angelic post the medical appointment.   What's this dysphoric crap?

So that's actually my question.  At what point does it go from "releasing all the bottle up emotions from the medical appointment" to "this is an actual episode?"  And if an episode, what is it?  I haven't had one like this before.  Is this a mixed depression?  I've only ever had mixed w/ hypomania. 

I guess I just have to know when to panic. 

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10 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

I known no one can diagnose but was wondering about any personal experiences.

maybe this belongs in bipolar?

Unfortunately, I am never to sure about this myself. I often try and sort it out with my Tdoc, who is very good at gentle but constructive feedback and she usually helps me get my bearings. For me, I start to worry about an episode when the dysphoric thoughts become more diffuse, meaning it gets really hard to tie my actions or emotions back to the original problem 

It sounds like you need to get back in touch with the doc though 

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thank you both.

.@Iceberg , I told my tdoc when the symptoms surfaced on Thursday, so he's in the loop.   see him on Monday, so I'll put this first thing on the agenda to try to figure out. @jarnI don't think it has changed over time (for better or for worse).  I' m starting to feel like ii's worse in the eveing, but that's just guess work.

Edited by dancesintherain
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I checked in with a friend who I went to brunch with today.  Her comment was "you seem off, but it's hard to say the cause.  It could just be that you stayed up until 2am finishing a good book." (I hadn't.)

So the off ness is visible.

She described it as being hunched over and withdrawn.  She said that when I came up to her, it looked like I was just getting up for the day (to be fair, I was).  I think I also dissociated some during brunch.  There are aspects of our conversation that I don't remember at all. 

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My tdoc thinks that this dysphoria is a passing phenomenon due to the high stress that occurred heading into the exam and the stress with the exam itself.  HE thinks the PTSD symptoms and their accompanying depression and anxiety need a release valve and this is how they're deciding to release.  He does think I'll feel relief eventually and he doesn't think that it's the beginning of an episode.

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7 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

My tdoc thinks that this dysphoria is a passing phenomenon due to the high stress that occurred heading into the exam and the stress with the exam itself.  HE thinks the PTSD symptoms and their accompanying depression and anxiety need a release valve and this is how they're deciding to release.  He does think I'll feel relief eventually and he doesn't think that it's the beginning of an episode.

Are u satisfied with that answer?

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Pdoc agreed at this point.  She wasn’t willing to point blank say that it wouldn’t develop into any episode.  But she said that my body and psyche took a pretty big hit and that there’s going to be some grief going on.  She mentioned some of the cognitive strategies (I’m an adult now, not a child; they were to help me, not to abuse me; I had choice in stopping the procedure at any point).  But she said it’s still going to suck and it’s hard to say for how long.

 

i also really want to actually cry.  I’ve been having these tears eyed moments in her and tdocs office, but i feel like it would feel a lot better to get that release.  And this is coming from someone who hates crying.

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