dancesintherain Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 the back story for those who are reading who haven't heard me rant and anxiously write about it is that I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday that really triggered PTSD crap. I think that probably serves as enough back story. (I'm fine with people sharing details in replies, I just don't know that it's necessary for a fact.) I'm currently in and out of a state of dysphoria. Not in an I'm going to kill myself sense, but more in an agitated sadness--depression, anxiety, and agitation mixed together. Wouldn't be too upset if I were to end up dead, but not going to actively do anything. WTF brain. You're supposed to be feeling angelic post the medical appointment. What's this dysphoric crap? So that's actually my question. At what point does it go from "releasing all the bottle up emotions from the medical appointment" to "this is an actual episode?" And if an episode, what is it? I haven't had one like this before. Is this a mixed depression? I've only ever had mixed w/ hypomania. I guess I just have to know when to panic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted February 23, 2020 Author Share Posted February 23, 2020 I known no one can diagnose but was wondering about any personal experiences. maybe this belongs in bipolar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iceberg Posted February 23, 2020 Share Posted February 23, 2020 10 minutes ago, dancesintherain said: I known no one can diagnose but was wondering about any personal experiences. maybe this belongs in bipolar? Unfortunately, I am never to sure about this myself. I often try and sort it out with my Tdoc, who is very good at gentle but constructive feedback and she usually helps me get my bearings. For me, I start to worry about an episode when the dysphoric thoughts become more diffuse, meaning it gets really hard to tie my actions or emotions back to the original problem It sounds like you need to get back in touch with the doc though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarn Posted February 23, 2020 Share Posted February 23, 2020 The appointment could trigger an episode - stressful events can bring them on - so in this case whether it's a hiccup or a full-fledged burp I don't know. Have your symptoms changed at all as time goes on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted February 23, 2020 Author Share Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) thank you both. .@Iceberg , I told my tdoc when the symptoms surfaced on Thursday, so he's in the loop. see him on Monday, so I'll put this first thing on the agenda to try to figure out. @jarnI don't think it has changed over time (for better or for worse). I' m starting to feel like ii's worse in the eveing, but that's just guess work. Edited February 23, 2020 by dancesintherain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted February 23, 2020 Author Share Posted February 23, 2020 I checked in with a friend who I went to brunch with today. Her comment was "you seem off, but it's hard to say the cause. It could just be that you stayed up until 2am finishing a good book." (I hadn't.) So the off ness is visible. She described it as being hunched over and withdrawn. She said that when I came up to her, it looked like I was just getting up for the day (to be fair, I was). I think I also dissociated some during brunch. There are aspects of our conversation that I don't remember at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 My tdoc thinks that this dysphoria is a passing phenomenon due to the high stress that occurred heading into the exam and the stress with the exam itself. HE thinks the PTSD symptoms and their accompanying depression and anxiety need a release valve and this is how they're deciding to release. He does think I'll feel relief eventually and he doesn't think that it's the beginning of an episode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iceberg Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 7 minutes ago, dancesintherain said: My tdoc thinks that this dysphoria is a passing phenomenon due to the high stress that occurred heading into the exam and the stress with the exam itself. HE thinks the PTSD symptoms and their accompanying depression and anxiety need a release valve and this is how they're deciding to release. He does think I'll feel relief eventually and he doesn't think that it's the beginning of an episode. Are u satisfied with that answer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 I think time will tell. I think it’s too early to say either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iceberg Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Okay. I hope the Tdoc has it right and things improve! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) My tdoc was honest that he wants my pdoc take on the situation. Not because of doubting his take, but just to see if she agrees. I see her tomorrow. If they don’t agree they may have to talk with each other. Edited February 25, 2020 by dancesintherain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted February 27, 2020 Author Share Posted February 27, 2020 Pdoc agreed at this point. She wasn’t willing to point blank say that it wouldn’t develop into any episode. But she said that my body and psyche took a pretty big hit and that there’s going to be some grief going on. She mentioned some of the cognitive strategies (I’m an adult now, not a child; they were to help me, not to abuse me; I had choice in stopping the procedure at any point). But she said it’s still going to suck and it’s hard to say for how long. i also really want to actually cry. I’ve been having these tears eyed moments in her and tdocs office, but i feel like it would feel a lot better to get that release. And this is coming from someone who hates crying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancesintherain Posted February 27, 2020 Author Share Posted February 27, 2020 it helps to have them both on the same page, even if pdoc wasn't willing to say that it won't trigger an episode. She said that I would get out of it and feel better, though, which is something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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