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Feeling guilty for disclosing trauma


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Yes. Because it doesn’t shut me down and I seem to function. I feel like I don’t have a right to really be that upset. After all, I’m doing well, if it was so bad then I wouldn’t be so functional. At times I think I’m making it all up and it never happened. 

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Yes, because it happened and what's done is done, and because of it, I basically ended up my own abuser. Because its a lot of damage that requires a lot of seemingly non-existent resources to undamage, if that is even a word. Because I have nothing else to report about my life, nothing else in my autobiography. Because I know it will impact me forever. Because it remains to be a taboo subject and I'm part of a horrible statistic. Because I know that there's really nothing anyone could do or say to change it. 

Because I survived when others did not and do not. 

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I kind of broke the levee.  I think it has not so much even to do with the trauma but the loss of healthy connections to people and my community.  It felt like like no one saw me or helped me. And I failed on my end too.  When I felt myself at my absolute worst it felt people just wanted to watch me go down.

I feel like people shamed me for things that people seemed to protect others for.

I feel dishonest in my one experience but when I get into the details a lot of people say what he did was so wrong and probably label it the same way I did.  It's scary.

I feel like I struggled to even have my basic needs met.  But I feel like that should be the past.

I tried contacting someone from past to talk things out.

But their life kinda makes it impossible to do that.

So I feel I gotta disconnect.  It's not healthy.  But I feel worse disconnecting rn.  Like I should leave the door open.  But I seriously have no answers on what to do.

Just trying to move forward.

Edited by wookie
Absolute not absolut
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10 hours ago, Hopelessly Broken said:

Yes, because it happened and what's done is done, and because of it, I basically ended up my own abuser. Because its a lot of damage that requires a lot of seemingly non-existent resources to undamage, if that is even a word. Because I have nothing else to report about my life, nothing else in my autobiography. Because I know it will impact me forever. Because it remains to be a taboo subject and I'm part of a horrible statistic. Because I know that there's really nothing anyone could do or say to change it. 

Because I survived when others did not and do not. 

Omg, I identify with this very much...

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Yes, because I was afraid to tell at the time and it happened again.  Also, I feel ashamed to talk about trauma as an adult because I feel like a lot of it is similar to it in some way and I feel guilty that I can't escape that imprint on my mind.  When I tell something so personal, I'm usually horrified and suspicious, because I feel like I can't trust anyone with the information. 

Edited by Banana Smurf
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I was my own abuser.  I became so self destructive but I also had no help.

When I looked at the ways in which I sought appropriate help and care in my teens it was fruitless and I was blamed.  Ending up homeless seemed to be the most helpful thing because I could get away from my abuser.  It was amazing how I couldn't even report it.  It became a dangerous situation and the so called help did absolutely nothing. I was told I could fix the situation by not running away.  I couldn't talk to anyone.  Despite issues with suicidality and self harm no one wanted to check in with me on that.  And I went through the proper channels to get help (police and children's services).  No one interviewed me.  I was told it was all my fault.

Talking about it was met with physical violence by my family.  

My needs growing up were severely undermet.

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On 3/6/2020 at 4:35 PM, saintalto said:

Yes. Because it doesn’t shut me down and I seem to function. I feel like I don’t have a right to really be that upset. After all, I’m doing well, if it was so bad then I wouldn’t be so functional. At times I think I’m making it all up and it never happened. 

Same.

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  • 1 year later...

Yes.  I feel shame and guilt for asking for help or support from others.  I don't want to add to anyone elses stress.  I don't want to dump on anybody else the trauma I'm suffering from.  

I have expressed this to both tdoc and pdoc, and both reassure me it is what they are there for.  But still...

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