feeling like I've done something awful but haven't

[Motoko]

I had a terrible manic/psychotic episode last August, and I'm having a great deal of difficulty letting go of certain elements of the experience. I keep being gripped with the feeling I've made a terrible mistake of some kind that's going to result in something bad, but other times I'm able to reassure myself that's not the case. What's really bad is when i start to argue with myself internally about it, which can make me panicky. I do take Depakote and Zyprexa, so it's not like I'm not taking my meds.  Has anyone else had this kind of trouble? I thought about posting this in OCD but it seemed more relevant here.

[Iceberg]

20 hours ago, Motoko said:

I had a terrible manic/psychotic episode last August, and I'm having a great deal of difficulty letting go of certain elements of the experience. I keep being gripped with the feeling I've made a terrible mistake of some kind that's going to result in something bad, but other times I'm able to reassure myself that's not the case. What's really bad is when i start to argue with myself internally about it, which can make me panicky. I do take Depakote and Zyprexa, so it's not like I'm not taking my meds.  Has anyone else had this kind of trouble? I thought about posting this in OCD but it seemed more relevant here.

Do you have a talk therapist? That’s whats been most helpful for me when upset about the results of mania 

[Motoko]

55 minutes ago, Iceberg said:

Do you have a talk therapist? That’s whats been most helpful for me when upset about the results of mania 

I do, he's great.  I don't get to see him as often as I'd like due to finances, and now with coronavirus I'm not even sure if he's seeing *anyone*: I should call and ask.  He might also be able to alleviate (or confirm) my occasional fear that I'm more schizoaffective than bipolar: I'm not sure sometimes if these are actual delusions that are lingering, or just the leftover *fear*.  This whole thing has been very confusing.

[Will]

Do call.  It's worth the effort.  Having recently gone through 10 weeks of manic psychosis, I know how hard it can be to recover.  Time has to be part of the equation but I think therapy can help.

[mcjimjam]

I became convinced I had murdered a series of people and just didn’t remember it. I don’t believe it anymore thankfully.