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A man walks into a bar

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And he has a steering wheel stuffed down his trousers.

"Mate," says the barman, "Do you realise you have a steering wheel stuffed down your trousers?"

"I know," says the man, "It's been driving me nuts!"

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A minister, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The rabbit says “I think I may be a typo.”

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This is what happens when you trap people in their homes.

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An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotchman walk into a bar. They have a drink and no derogatory stereotypes are mentioned. Then they go home. Well the Scotchman stops to pick up a deep fried mars bar and some heroin on the way back. The Irishman brings home a sack of potatoes and some semtex. The Englishman colonises another country and and tries to teach them to spank him and to watch Mr Bean. I think I've offended everyone equally there.

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48 minutes ago, Fluent In Silence said:

The Irishman brings home a sack of potatoes

The thing is, when I visited Galway some years ago, my very first pub luncheon there featured potatoes prepared two different ways - mashed, and half a potato deep-fried. I'll never forget thinking at the time, So it's all true...

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My daughter just died of cancer."

(This dark humor courtesy of my disturbed daughter, who explained that the joke is that it's a talking horse.)

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13 minutes ago, Cerberus said:

(This dark humor courtesy of my disturbed daughter, who explained that the joke is that it's a talking horse.)

Lol what the fuck?

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2 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

I think I've offended everyone equally there.

@Fluent In Silence, brilliantly done.

A priest, a nun, a rabbi, two bears and a performing seal act walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says “What is this, some kind of joke?”

1 hour ago, Cerberus said:

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My daughter just died of cancer."

(This dark humor courtesy of my disturbed daughter, who explained that the joke is that it's a talking horse.)

Isn’t the joke that horses always have long faces? I mean, their faces are just naturally long.

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14 minutes ago, Gearhead said:

Isn’t the joke that horses always have long faces? I mean, their faces are just naturally long.

That's the kicker of the original joke. My daughter turned it on its head by having the horse then say something serious that undermines the original humor so you can focus on the fact that the horse can talk.

I know. Sometimes it's like having a daughter from the Addams Family. She's brilliant, though.

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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

I know a disturbing number of these. I can keep this up for a while.

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12 hours ago, Gearhead said:

A minister, a priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The rabbit says “I think I may be a typo.”

My uncle told me this one a few weeks ago and I just did not get it at all. The way he said it, first I was thinking blood Type O and couldn't figure out what blood type had to do with anything. Then something finally clicked in my head and I figured out it was "typo" and not "Type O". But even once I realized it was probably "typo", I thought it was some kind of depressing metaphorical existential thing. Like the rabbit was saying, I feel like I'm a typo in this world. But then I thought, rabbits are pretty "normal" animals in the grand scheme of things. I could see maybe a porcupine or skunk maybe thinking he or she was a "typo" of god/nature/evolution whatever. But a rabbit? Finally I had to ask my uncle to tell me what the joke was and then of course it was obvious. So I asked him to tell the joke to my mom and she got it right away. I think maybe my mind is weird?

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8 hours ago, Cerberus said:

That's the kicker of the original joke. My daughter turned it on its head by having the horse then say something serious that undermines the original humor so you can focus on the fact that the horse can talk.

I know. Sometimes it's like having a daughter from the Addams Family. She's brilliant, though.

i figured it was like all the reinventing-chicken joke jokes

 

the road-chicken WAS funny, because "to get to the other side" is both the most obvious, and least expected punch line

 

but everyone knows it, so it's expected

 

so a bunch of alternate most obvious ones are released

 

what's brown and sticky? a stick

became so well known that

what's brown and sticky?

shit

no, really what's brown and sticky?

shit on a stick

 

stuff happened

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why'd the koala fall out of the tree?

because it was dead

why'd the second koala fall out of a tree?

because it was dead

why'd the third koala fall out of a tree?

tripped over a fridge

how'd the kangaroo die?

tripped over 3 dead koalas and a fridge

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A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

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A guy walks into a bar. He tells the bartender he's barhopping, and orders a drink. Then he leaves, comes back in, and orders the same drink. He does this several times. Finally the bartender says, "Hey, man, I thought you were barhopping."

The guy replies, "I am... with OCD it just takes a while."

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