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do u ever feel the moods shifting?


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Do u ever get those feelings that your mood or personality is in for a bit of a change?

i am dx bp and bpd and sometimes for no apparent reason my mood just ever so slightly shifts, sometimes i worry that its a sign i am about to have a major mood swing, other times though its more a calm up down (i guess thats when the meds are working)

Like the lsat few weeks i have just been super negative, scared, unhealthy, boarding on sever depression and wanting to keep everything as i have this intense fear that i might lose it otherwise (i.e. saving all my money to hide it from people who might take it)

Now today i was just thinking, "i dont care now, dont care about all those things, i should have fun, i should relax, i should go on holidays, i should take extended sick leave from work and go to thailand and stay with my thai friends and drink and party with them all night, sleep all day and spend all my left over money shopping for fake prada handbags and burberry bikinis."

im hoping tomorrow i will wake up and this will just b a small wave in the ocean of bipolar, a nice pleasent day where i had pleasent thoughts. Im hoping i dont wake up tomorrow and head off to the travel agent to book flights and accommodation! and start a manic spending spree.

i need balance.

Does anyone else have days like these? Where u wonder if u are on the verge of losing it again, or stepping back on to the bipolar roller coaster. (not that i have ever really gotten off the last year and a half)

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I am constantly mood shifting--and sometimes it turns into this big mood change and other times, it is just for the moment.  All of a sudden the depression will slip in and I start to crumble and in maybe 2 minutes, I'm ready to give it all up.  And then it will pass.

It's the never knowing part that really sucks. -kel

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I'm on the same ride these days.  I'm cycling as frequently as every few hours and I can't even enjoy the happy hypomania because if I feel it escalating I know it will turn mixed. 

I'm beginning to develop a new phobia, fear of my own mood swings. 

Yeah, I do feel it coming and it's scary and it it fucking sucks.

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From down to up (only hypomania) is like a switch is turned on. Happens within a couple minutes. Strange and interesting. From up to down is very uncomfortable. The stimulation stays but it's not good feeling anymore, it's overstimulation/anxiety along with depression coming on fast. That happens over the course of a half a day. Hopefully a mood stabilizer will smooth this out.

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I have "major cycles" as I call them, where for maybe 3-4 months I'll have an underlying episode, such as the depressed one right now. That doesn't mean I don't have smaller cycles on top. Sometimes while I'm still depressed underneath, I feel manic for awhile on top. Or mixed. Or depressed still. Or psychotic. Or whatever.

I feel those moods shifting a lot. I feel myself wishing that my next mood will be an elevated one, to at least save me from my misery. The misery of mania comes after the fact, when you've come down and realize you've screwed up your life. I can't let myself get that way, but can't fight the desire that it will happen either.

Balance is our goal. How to do it is the big question. My meds seem to attack the mini-moods, but the deep moods go untouched by any meds they put me on. I've been offered electric shock and I'm considering it. If I get hospitalized again, I'll go ahead and do it. Who knows? Maybe the shock will get deep inside and kill the major moods forever.

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