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Why do I want to hurt myself when I feel high? *^TRIGGER^*


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I feel sooo high

I want to

 

[TRIGGER] stab myself, cut myself and paint the walls with all the blood. Why the idea of doing it is so fun? IT'S HILARIOUS[/TRIGGER]

 

I FEEL SO HIGH, but at the same time the worst piece of shit on the World. It just seem like the most fun thing to do.

 

HILARIOUS is the word.

 

(I won't harm myself, I just do not understand why this happens to me)

Does it happen to you?

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12 minutes ago, Hopelessly Broken said:

Probably because your mental state doesn't sound all that with it, without being too harsh. Do you mean high on something or high as in hypomania or mania? 

 

I feel emotionally high, as If I had taken meth, but I haven't (and I do not take drugs).

I doubt it lasts enough to be considered hypomania/mania.

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Are you on medication?  If I were you I would talk to a psychiatrist.

Speaking personally when I have thoughts of self injury I try to remember that I do NOT really

want to hurt myself.  I remind myself that these are just thoughts, thoughts from my illness 

and not who I really am.  Thoughts come and go. But these ill thoughts don't define you.

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Doesn't sound like the good kind of high. I usually get those sort of thoughts when I'm down. I've maybe felt something like that a long time ago when I was drunk as fuck. It might be too triggering to talk about what I did but I do remember finding it hilarious at the time. I wasn't in a good frame of mind and it wasn't funny at all. Not talking about it probably makes it sound worse than it was. Nothing that bad, but nothing good either. Sort of get what you're talking about.

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Hi,

I am sorry for replying so late.

I do not take any kind of medication on a regular basis.  I wish I could be drunk all the time and forget about everything, but I cannot. 

IDK

Doctors are not really helpful.

 

It's just fun, 

according to the cat it's fun.

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I remember you having issues trusting psychiatrists and you were reticent to take medication. Until you can learn to trust a doctor and give medication a real try, you are going to continue living how you are now. If you want the misery to end, you have to earnestly try treatment. 

Edited by saintalto
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Like a month ago I went to ER and explained them I wasn't feeling right but still wasn't bad enough for them to prevent me to talk or making me believe they wanted to hurt me.

The ER psychiatrist was bah, he didn't care. He didn't understand what I was telling him.

 

Now they are here.

I cannot ask for help.

I have already been caught.

 

My psychologist is going to call me next week. He called me 4 times this week buy I had turned my phone off and didn't know he was going to call me.

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On 4/13/2020 at 4:21 AM, OliverB said:

Hi,

I am sorry for replying so late.

I do not take any kind of medication on a regular basis.  I wish I could be drunk all the time and forget about everything, but I cannot. 

IDK Doctors are not really helpful.

@OliverB  When did you stop taking medication? Can you get in touch with your previous pdoc and restart something to stop this episode from getting much worse?

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You can find medication that is lighter on side effects. You just have to try different things until you figure out a cocktail that works for you. Also, some side effects are worth the wellbeing that comes from stability. Would you rather live a life affected constantly by psychosis and confusion, or would you like to experience what it’s like to think clearly again and be in less pain? Psychosis and mood disorders never get better on their own, they require treatment. 

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2 hours ago, saintalto said:

You can find medication that is lighter on side effects. You just have to try different things until you figure out a cocktail that works for you. Also, some side effects are worth the wellbeing that comes from stability. Would you rather live a life affected constantly by psychosis and confusion, or would you like to experience what it’s like to think clearly again and be in less pain? Psychosis and mood disorders never get better on their own, they require treatment. 

 

I have mostly run out of meds to try.

No benzos. AD made me manic. AP, I have tried almost all except for clozaril and lurasidone.

Anyway, I asked for meds a month ago. He didn't want to give me anything more than  benzo. He said I didn't need anything. I told him I thought he wasn't understanding what I was telling him (he=the ER psychiatrist). He didn't care.

My  psychologist left me a message telling me to call him on Tuesday. Need to talk to him.

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14 minutes ago, OliverB said:

 

I have mostly run out of meds to try.

No benzos. AD made me manic. AP, I have tried almost all except for clozaril and lurasidone.

Anyway, I asked for meds a month ago. He didn't want to give me anything more than  benzo. He said I didn't need anything. I told him I thought he wasn't understanding what I was telling him (he=the ER psychiatrist). He didn't care.

My  psychologist left me a message telling me to call him on Tuesday. Need to talk to him.

In my experience, ER Psych docs are not very helpful in establishing an approach tailored to you. In other words, even if the ER is dismissive, an outpatient psych might have a different take on things, and because the my get to know you, there is usually a better sense of what the problems are and therefore a better sense of how to treat them 

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I’m sorry you have tried so many drugs without relief. There are new ones coming out all the time so I wouldn’t just give up and clozapine is a miracle drug for a lot of people so I wouldn’t just dismiss it. I would second what the other people have said about ER doctors not being as responsive as outpatient psychiatrists. They don’t have the time to get to know your case and make long term decisions about it. They treat people who are in crisis. Usually after you get out of the hospital, at least in my experience, your treatment can change significantly. I much preferred my outpatient pdoc. 

 

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