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When I was 8 years old

I went and got some dress pins from my mothers draw

I found a clear plastic bag of cereal my father used to eat every morning 

I pushed about 10 pins into the cereal

I remember thinking...

He will eat, the pins will get stuck in his throat, he won’t be able to breathe and he will die. 

This is what I did at 8 years old!! 

So sad now I look back.... 😪

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When I was around 12 I wanted my grandparents to get in a car crash and die.  

One day they were late to family brunch because they got in an accident.  They were fine, but I smugly thought, I CAUSED THAT, and if I just think I bit harder, I'll be able to kill them.  

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Also wanted both my parents to die my entire childhood.

It's gotten a bit better since I've accepted that I am not in any way obligated to ever speak to them or see them again,

but I still get really upset thinking my childhood was spent that way.

I also threatened one parent and used "violence"aka self defense against them both to get them to stop hurting me.

You are not alone.

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