Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

If you're single parenting and crazy


Recommended Posts

Okay Crazy parents,

I have been a single parent, not just custodial but absent fathers, for 15 years.

I am not a victim and my kids are great, but it's such a double-edged sword. Taking care of all the business, trying to teach them to be responsible for themselves and their behavior, making major decisions, being on HOUSE ARREST, virtually.

Here is my single crazy parent personal ad:

Hi, I'm mentally ill, middle low class, fat, depressed, bitchy, broke, disabled, and I have two children I am shackled to (by choice) 90% of the time. Which means we will not get to have sex very often and when we do, there will be no verbal utterances of pleasure whatsoever and you will leave my bedroom like you have just taken the bar exam and sure you failed, lest the children be anymore suspicious of what's going on in there.

Any takers? Single fathers need not apply.

What bugs me the most is not having anyone with nearly the vested interest in them that I have to TALK to about them. What's best for them, cover my ass when I'm having a meltdown because pretending is futile--the little fuckers can read my mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay Crazy parents,

I have been a single parent, not just custodial but absent fathers, for 15 years.

I am not a victim and my kids are great, but it's such a double-edged sword. Taking care of all the business, trying to teach them to be responsible for themselves and their behavior, making major decisions, being on HOUSE ARREST, virtually.

Here is my single crazy parent personal ad:

Hi, I'm mentally ill, middle low class, fat, depressed, bitchy, broke, disabled, and I have two children I am shackled to (by choice) 90% of the time. Which means we will not get to have sex very often and when we do, there will be no verbal utterances of pleasure whatsoever and you will leave my bedroom like you have just taken the bar exam and sure you failed, lest the children be anymore suspicious of what's going on in there.

Any takers? Single fathers need not apply.

What bugs me the most is not having anyone with nearly the vested interest in them that I have to TALK to about them. What's best for them, cover my ass when I'm having a meltdown because pretending is futile--the little fuckers can read my mind.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm replying to my own post, is that crazy!

I reread it and it's not clear what my intent was, becaaaaaaause...I had to get a meal on the table.

I perused the threads and didn't immediately see like a commiseration place for single parents, that's all. I'm not really posting a personal. LOL! There has to be a bunch among us, crazy people get divorced a lot! My next husband if there is a next will be number 4, but 3 died, so he doesn't count.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

S9,

Just a quick post to let you know you are definitely not alone. I think this is a great thread. I'll write more later when I'm not passing out from night time meds. But in a nutshell... I've been a "solo" parent my son's entire life. I was just out of high school when he was born and his father has never been involved (financially or otherwise). I was married once, briefly, in my late 20s, but I count those few years as single parenting as well for a lot of reasons that won't get into right now.

It's only been by the grace of God that he's turned out so great (he's 17 now). I'm not a horrible parent by any stroke of the imagination, but I'm far from June Cleaver. I've been very lucky/blessed to have wonderfully supportive parents - that, I'm sure, has made a huge difference.

I thought your dating ad was hilarious. I often tell people that dating when you have a teenager is a lot like dating as a teenager with all that sneaking around!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi there....(shyly) (cause I feel shy)

I am completely burned out rigth now and can't think of a single thing to say but...well, you know I hear ya.

I'm tracking this topic, and I hope you get loads of replies cause I sure could use some answers!

Love,

Freesoul (another nutcase, broke solo  parent with no help in sigth, and a crazy student as well)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi there....(shyly) (cause I feel shy)

I am completely burned out rigth now and can't think of a single thing to say but...well, you know I hear ya.

I'm tracking this topic, and I hope you get loads of replies cause I sure could use some answers!

Love,

Freesoul (another nutcase, broke solo  parent with no help in sigth, and a crazy student as well)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I started this thread for us, baby! Got to thinking seriously about there has to be more of us and we should be sharing tears, joys and strategies.

Love,

Sister

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey, Sat9,

Single mom here, too. But the boy must become a man and has turned 18. I am SO ready for the empty nest. SO READY. Is he gone yet? He leaves for college in late June.

I pretty much dedicated myself to child raising; it was a decision I had to make. You know, either that or abortion. The thing is, I didn't want to be a parent in name only. I wanted to see how a child would turn out if given love and the encouragement and support to become his own self, rather than a poor facsimile of a parent's wishes. But right now, I'm just about done. That hormone rush of pregnancy and birth has run dry and I just want my own life back. I'm hoping that getting treatment for depression will outweigh the times when I was shadow-mom.

The last three years have been tough. The transition from child to self-sufficiency is rocky. Giving up control. Making him deal with his own fuckups. I hope I've taught him enough, prepared him enough, given him enough resources to make adulthood work. It's up to him now.

I have come to equate the senior year of high school with the ninth month of pregnancy. By the end of it, you'll do anything to get it out.

I'm available to talk any time. Here on the boards or by PM.

Greeny

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The last three years have been tough. The transition from child to self-sufficiency is rocky. Giving up control. Making him deal with his own fuckups. I hope I've taught him enough, prepared him enough, given him enough resources to make adulthood work. It's up to him now.

I have come to equate the senior year of high school with the ninth month of pregnancy. By the end of it, you'll do anything to get it out.

I'm available to talk any time. Here on the boards or by PM.

Greeny

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks Greeny,

I think you HAVE my son!  ;) Except he probably won't graduate in June, can this get more stressful?

It's a long story, he's  a good kid, no drugs, nice girlfriend, I don't know why but he has yet to pass a high school gym class. <rolling eyes>

He hates gym and I don't blame him, I did to, but I went and I got away with not dressing just as many times as I could. Anyway, so this year he is taking 3 gyms (you have to have 2 phys ed credits to graduate). Well in November he got mono, again, had it last year and missed all of November and until after the break so 2 mos. of school, thusly waylaying his most go to strategy which is to bust ass in the second half and come out smiling with "see I told you."

His school principle/guidance staff have no clue. They say he has to go another year, I happen to know for a fact this is not true because I retired on disability from the community college he's going to. I called my friend, the director of admissions, and she said if he can pass the placement tests, which he easily can, he's in in May and can start taking some bullshit noncredit what color is your parachute stuff. In July when he's 18 he can take the GED and it's all good.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, he still thinks he can pull this off and walk. His principal said there is no way he will walk in June. So, as a Mom, I'm thinking caps. gowns, announcements. We'll probably know for sure the last day of classes and then I'll rent him a clown suit to graduate in. He would like that.

He's going into the theatre arts.

Thanks for the positive feedback, I'm kind of hoping that's what this morphs into. Not a mother's group. I know what it feels like to be in a marriage where only one person (me) is participating and I felt then that I felt single. But it's like anything else, until you walk a mile in my boots. Because the issues are different when you're going it solo.

Then, actually this is funny to me now, it was very hard for me to conceive number one. Obvious proof i'm not infertile, but not fertile myrtle either. 7.5 years later--no birth control the whole time--bingo. My lucky card came up and his name is Little E. Let's just say about his dad, he belongs HERE!

But I would be so lost without them both, I can't even think about it. And I know that is one this all single parents have in common. The 3 of us have a really good thing going on. But now that I'm disabled and I fired my friends and divorced the family...well I need people to bounce ideas off of and stuff.

Thanks Greeny,

Suze

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am not a single parent.  I'm a stepmom though and that's hard in itself.  I just wanted to give you all kudos for doing the best you can do for your kids, even though it's really hard for you at times.

I understand about the relationship aspect of things... my craziness kept me from even considering having kids (I was convinced I'd be even more of a bad parent than my parents were - that is... they were both emotionally absent and I had to be a "good girl" and pretty much take care of myself), now I WANT them, but my current relationship (the last???? I hope) had a vasectomy a few years ago, got it reversed FOR ME/US and it was a failure.  I also want to add I have been married and divorced... twice now.

Lots and lots of respect for all of you!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are plenty of times when I prefer single parenting. It gets to be too overwhelming to me alot of the time with hubby here. Messing around with your routine (which as a crazyperson - I thrive on routines), argueing about everything because of differing parenting styles, having someone else to organize and cook for and pick up after. Grrrr. Drives me nuts.

Then he's gone again (military,work) and I'm sad and angry that he's not here to help or participate with his son, or give me a much needed freakin break.

My mom is a huge savior in that regard. When I get too overwhelmed and stressed, he's off to grandma's. About once a month is all she can handle (she's got her own medical issues).

We've been doing it like this for six years now, and still don't have it right. But we try. And that's all you can do.

I'm getting a job this summer. I have to for my own sanity. I need a life outside of my family's. Something for me. Other adults to communicate with on a daily basis.

If I can't do that, I'll look into volunteer work.

Why is it so hard for us to take care of ourselves? Why does it make us feel guilty? I'll never understand that.

Croix

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm on the run but wanted to say thanks for responding and please subscribe, because I think we could really help each other.

Notice we all said the same thing?

We come last, if at all, in the line up.

That's one issue

This is great.

I was hoping it would take off.

Love yas!

And I will be writing AT LENGTH but, of course (sunshine) I'm all ready LATE.

ADD'led

Suze

p.s. I KNOW Sunshine shares my ADD dx, because we've compared our war (stoooopid) stories, any one else gots this cootie too?

S9

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, "me" time is just harder to track down than the Northern Bigfoot.

I am in school, taking only two classes at that...and I have after school care. and I STILL DON"T HAVE ANY FREE TIME...incredible. Just running around all day. There is so much to do. Can you believe not having time to shave my legs!!!

Maybe it's because of the custody battles going on rigth now (can't track down the daddy at this point, for the paperwork to get done), and social services being involved, and the fact that we have not one, but TWO nutcases in this family of 3...you  know, BP is hereditary and all. So many appointments.

My son (he's 11) is currently being taken off Risperdal cause of side effects. There isn't a back up med or anything. Plus, I just got them back home with me recently and we are all still adjusting...so, he's a sweet kid, but sometimes he'll be doing very well and sometimes...I worry a lot.

Anyone else with a MI child here, especially BP?

I really need to talk about what it's like for kids, and what to do about it (through IM, if anyone feels it's a threadjack).

Coping...not for the moment sorry. The day may come though! but love is the most important thing of all; we have a lot will sort itself out, I hope

Yikes! my frozen pizza's burning!!!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In a very important sense being a single parent was the easier road for me. There was no one else to blame or bitch at when I had to get up in the middle of the night or stay home from work with a sick child or do the millionth load of laundry or cook real food everyday. I chose it, it was up to me to make it happen. Because, I swear, if I had had a husband and he hadn't shouldered half the load, I would have dumped his sorry ass anyway.

And then there would have been the custody battles, and the money battles, and the resentment and bitterness. And the kid thinking it's his fault. Followed by the sense of abandonment, of not being lovable enough to keep his parents' marriage together.

Did I mention my parents divorced in a spectacularly ugly and protracted manner?

I didn't date much when the lad was a wee one. It was just too complicated and I didn't want my son growing up with a continuous string of "uncles". Besides, it wouldn't have been fair. Not too many men are interested in playing second fiddle to a child that isn't their own. Now that he's mostly grown and on his own, even though he hasn't moved out yet, I am trying to get a social life going again. A bit of dating or just going out after work with friends. It's starting to feel nice instead of weird and unnatural.

G~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man today was a classic example.

ERic complains he doesn't feel well, has a rash, etc. I said, get up early and call doc.

Today:

Took him to doctor, with Evan in tow, ALWAYS obviously because he is only 10.

The bicker, kebitz, just noisy all the time, music--their music--conversation incessant about video games. I am very sensitive to noise, I have a small car. My head starts hurting.

Am trying to be cooperative with Evan's dad, as he is also disabled and is interested in helping me homeschool, however, he is totally undependable, lost his license and lives 20 miles from me. We were supposed to get together yesterday, he says "i don't feel like it" OK.

Today, "yeah ok"...

So after doc, (I have a prescription and a note for a product for a rash--2 pieces of paper I will in the back of my mind worry about losing, one I do lose. the prescription I find at 8:30 tonight.

I drive 20 miles toward my direction to take Eric back to school. He is sullen and bitchy lately because of bullshit going on with gf's father. Loooong story that one, but let's just say Eric is getting his first lesson in just how really unfair life can be. That drama is pages long. And her dad is an overeducated pompous ass, Im not going to get into it but he wont let them see each other. AFter allowing Eric to be there every day for a year for hours while the girl was suicidal (she's better now), he abruptly pulls the rug out and neither child is dealing well.

So, Evan and I drop Eric off at school at 11:00, (my new flowers need more dirt...I keep thinking, I have doctors appts to make, no battery on cell, continuous loop of what I have to do, what I have forgotten to do, and what I won't do because I will either collapse (I'm sick too) or run out of time or forget.

So we stop by our house, get some materials, my laptop so I can orient his dad to the process. I had a bitch of a time getting my cords all untangled and getting my lap top unplugged. Evan's dad is calling, calling....stresss is going UP! So, we finally get it all together. Evan is not into this. Nuff said. He has quiet sad 'tude.

Get to Stuart's, so far I've driven 60 miles, only to realize I left my f-ing laptop cord at home. typical, typical TYPICAL!

We got a few lessons done and left at 7:00 p.m. I still don't have potting soil or meds for Eric, I'm in pain. The visit went okay, but the usual underhanded insults..all

We stop for to go food, I just stare at the menu for 10 minutes I can't think. Eric is calling me, "can we go somewhere?" No, I'm wiped out...I bought him a movie earlier in the day when I stopped at Circuit City cuz my phone is broken....I told him, "you will be entertained tonight". He sighs. I want to cry. He says, "are you only stopping for food" in sad voice. He's lonely and pissed doesn't feel good.

I'm starting to lose it quietly as I do every day around 8:00 p.m.

Come home, restaurant didn't include Eric's shake, Evan left power cords for playstation at Stuart's. I AM NOT GOING BACK TODAY. Sullen attitudes, I feel guilty.

We eat, I think, I really should go get that prescription. But he's not in pain, it's a sinus infection and I really need to research something to get Stuart in the schooling loop. Which takes me hours.

The both keep walking by me, saying things, (seeking attention as they should be) I ignore them (as I usually do) But I explain why. The KNOW why.

I'm at this for a few hours and my head is pounding. I have been shelling out 20s left and right for the sullen teenager. He wants singing lessons before Sunday (40 bucks) and asked for them a long time ago, but we haven't been able to schedule....comes and stands right over me and sighs heavily. "I don't think I'm going to get with Mr. M before Sunday." He made some lame excuse about how busy Mr. M is, but Mr. M didn't say this; this is Eric's take on it. I say, "Eric whenever he can see you, we'll make it happen."

Then: this is the shit that drives me crazy with this one, "well if he can't, can I get a video game?"

I've been overspending and telling them both we are stopping it but I don't. And I said curtly, "no." He cops an attitude. I told him I'm willing to invest in his voice but after about 200 bucks in 2 weeks on hair, games, and other shit, plus 150.00 to the school for a trip their taking to NY. 2nd of 3 installments. He tells me the night before he needs ANYTHING. Always. So, I said, "Eric, I've been telling you guys, I have to stop the bullshit spending or we're gonna be po' broke (as opposed to just broke). He says annoyed, "I KNOW..goes off to bed. Sulking. I want to cry.

It is almost 11:30 pm.

I just sent the little one off to bed, and I don't have potting soil or drugs for the child. I feel terrible because I feel like I'm always too busy for them, which is not true. But often it is. I have a migraine now. I just feel inadequate all the time.

Men? Yeah. I have 2 who are allegedly interested, one is my booty call, they both just love me so much they can't believe how smart and cool I still am and will call me tomorrow. Well, you know my phone doesn't ring. The one I don't WANT tot talk to...so that's cool and I don't return his calls when he does call me 3 weeks after he says he will.

But right now, there's not chance of a real relationship for me. Eric is totally the Alpha male and he's going to live with me through at least his first year of college. And I'm not having any other alphas sniffing around here, pissing around here.

My kids are too cool. So I'll stick with the booty call. Settle for scraps, for now.

I have various diseases and inoperable back thing that has me on SSDI and I just feel like my responsibilities are unrelenting. And they are! Which is why I started this fucking thread!

My shoulders are like bricks. I need to chill out. Eric may or may not get to graduate, it changes daily I have a meeting at school tomorrow--that I have to drag Evan to, so I'll have to prepare some lesson for him to work on alone, while I talk to these minions of satan at the high school.

I got pulled over today by a k9 cop because I was on my cell phone with my mother (i refrain unless it's necessary) and I didn't use my signal when I got on the interstate off the access ramp. Him, "And you're just TALKING away...on your cell phone." Yeah about getting rides when my car gets fixed and if I don't call people when I think about it it's gone.

He was an ass. The kids in the car he says, "and where are you going now?" I just wanted to say, "to the airport to pick up a shipment of heroin in from pakistan"

Jesus.

This is my life. It really is and I try and take 5 and I try and keep my humor. I get tired as hell of cajoling Eric, but my heart goes out to him big time. I can't get too depressed around them, because they think I'll end up back where I was. It's all horrible. I cried last week for one day, and Evan said, "Oh, I thought that was gonna last longer..."

I'm stopping the rant, it's not helping. Thanks you guys. Please keep coming.

Hugs,

S9

Edited to add: I still dont have dirt or meds and the 40 bucks I spent on food at a resaurant because I couldn't bear the thought of the store AND cooking, with a sink full of dishes, and what is now a knife in my back, is half eaten and all over the living room.

Short of dumping food, clothes games all the shit the just let lay on them while the sleep no threats, privilige removals, bribes, nothing works. They are inherently lazy. They don't even THINK or SEE. I think Eric has ADD. I'm not sure about the little guy, I think he just has his head up his ass.

I know we'll laugh about this a lot when they're grown. We laugh about it a lot now. And I'm glad I came back for a minute. Because this is how I want this thread to be. After I posted, after saying it didn't help, I said, "chill OUT." Take some imitrex and just stop stressing. Nobody is dead, Eric said he wasn't in any kind of pain, he can wait till tomorrow for the amoxycillin and if the pansies die, fuck it. They were 6 for 2 bucks at Walmart and I have them mostly potted...IOW, everything is alright. Sorta

Again, its just the relentlessness of it all. And I divorced my family and fired my friends because they all suck. They don't understand depression AT ALL not a one of them. They are the, "well, if you this...or if you that..." FUCK YOU! I'm better off alone and with you guys, I really am.  ;)

And, while I miss the companionship of a man and I love sex, I'll just put that right out there! I'm not willing to pamper another male. And my track record sucks. I can pick the good ones, but only if they have a terminal illness lurking...

But life is good! It is. And I'm no fucking victim. I will fool around here, read, post, maybe go chat. Sleep, wash, rinse repeat.

Oh and the guidance counselor I'm meeting with tomorrow and the principal does not believe in ADD or depression. She thinks I'm a flake. I think she's a fat-assed control freak. She has a FAT ass, we are talking really fat. Out of proportion to the rest of her body. I'd rather have a kid who questions authority and has a lip piercing than that big fat ass.

Now, I'm really done. And I do feel better!

Snarkily,

S9

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Christ, you don't want to see that. It's not pretty. Evan's head would catch fire. You know I'm an addict right? I stick with my recommended dose of benzos and cigs.

But, don't misunderstand me Syl, if you want me to come to Florida for  a long weekend and get me wasted where there are no kids (your's included) I am so there!  ;)   We can get dressed up in our best slutty finery and hit the bars! Drag a few of them back home. They have to be younger than my 45, by at least 5 years.

Booty call turned 40 last Oct. I'd rather have a younger guy with a healthy libido and no need of viagra than an older guy with money. I have never been a sell out. Not to my family, jobs, society or men. I should!

S9

Link to comment
Share on other sites

S9

M-m-m-m...I did say psychotropic drugs, right?  All friends of Bill W are allowed in. Shit man, Bill took LSD, he knew that there was another world, such a good depressive....and addict, couldn't kick that cig habit.  I love Bill W.

And I hope you smoke methol...

My God, girl, I know you could catch a few beach boys, no problem!!

Now, if I could get to the god damn beach- which is one mile away- I might have some fun, too. Waiting for those psychotropics to kick in!!

I have missed you,

Love, Syl

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's 1:30 AM and I can't sleep. I am exhausted, and I get up at 7, max. But I can't sleep.

I am thinking about what to do tomorrow. I have to bring back some books to the library-about 10 of them, they were due last week, and fines for the U library are $1/day...man they are haevy to carry accross the city by bus. I have to find some more...ya know, I spent 2 weeks working on an unworkable essay topic, must have been out of my mind (LOL) and now I have to start all over. Essay due next Monday. Maybe talk to prof about extension?

I have to go to class. We are worshopping a short story I translated...it's nerve racking to me when it's my stuff. They go "oh, it's really good, but..." and then they shred my work to pieces. All pert of the learning process, I know, and I am good at what I do. But still, I get real nervous. I'm a shy girl.

I have to hunt down some supplements that could help my son...omega 3's and calcium-magnesium, but in liquid form, cause he can't swallow pills. They do exist. Just a matter of phoning every single natural-foods store and alternative pharmacy till I find some, and get there (man I wish I had a car). I also have to pick son up from school and take him to the doctor (not the pdoc, a family doc for some blood work).

I am working on finding a babystter and applying for a childcare subsidy. I have to inteview two prospective sitters tomorrow.

And I really should do my readings, one of the teachers quizzes us like we are still in grade school (the idiot. we pay for the god dammed course and it ain't cheap either. Quizzes? so retarded. But what can I do?) Unbelievable though...sigh. Gotta find time for that.

Oh, and cooking and supervsing homework and making sure kiddos and house are clean and have everything needed and maybe even talking to them?

Okay rant over. Serious stuff follows:

I am really worried, upset...I found my son wandering around looking for $5 he had apparently lost, at 11pm. What's unnerving is the way he was looking...basically turning everything upside down like a maniac, no pun intended. He came and got me, crying that the "bloody finger hand" was putting thoughts (obviously scary ones) into his head and he couldn't get it out. That he heard voices. This is a boy who's almost twelve, not a five year old with a nigthmare.

I put on my guided relaxation tape for him. He said that everything the guy on the tape said turned ugly in his head...he gave an example: at one point there is imagery about an elevator going down, and he could see it crashing, him inside, in his head. Woa.

So I took that off and put classical music on instead. Gave him a back rub, some chamomile tea, his old teddy...he finally calmed down. He is sleeping now.

How serious is this? He is, after all, BP and going off an antipsychotic med. But, I could also be overreacting; I don't think this would have worried me when he was younger; as a matter of fact it didn't, I just told him sternly him to get his butt back to bed when it happened once in a while.

PLEASE SOMEBODY TELL ME IF THIS WOULD BE TYPICAL OF A KID HIS AGE, IF YOU HAVE AN OLDER ONE, HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH A PRETEEN???. please, all of you who have older kids and more experience, let me now if this warrants my worries or is it normal. I don't really have anyone else to ask and I'd rather not phone his pdoc for nothing, I don't like her.

Anyone else dealing with issues like this, btw?

Thanks,

              Freesoul

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...